


Mission (to love)

by GoldenTiger



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Attempted Murder, Eventual Happy Ending, M/M, Reference to Drugs, Violence, anguish, bittersweet feelings, jingyeom - Freeform, ok a bit of each in the previous tag, pepigyeom, reference to past relationships, reference to suicide, some JJP stuff going on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-04-29 21:00:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 65,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14481072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldenTiger/pseuds/GoldenTiger
Summary: A story about how Jinyoung was hired to be friends with a young boy suspected of being involved in a young woman's suicide.Little does Jinyoung know that fate has something bigger (but not necessarily better) waiting for him."For the first time in Jinyoung’s life, he was willing to stick his neck out for someone, as he was gradually falling for Yugyeom.Although he couldn’t.Even though he shouldn’t."





	1. The request

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jingyeom/Pepigyeom shippers all around the world](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Jingyeom%2FPepigyeom+shippers+all+around+the+world).



> This is my 1st fic ever, so I’m still learning to “crawl” in this world of the fanfiction writing hehe ^^  
> I hope you enjoy it anyway and bear in mind that English is not my mother tongue, so I apologize in advance for any incorrections!
> 
> !CAUTION! There are spoilers in the comments section!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "(...) Jinyoung was studying his face and appearance in general as he thought that the guy seemed too innocent to even kill a fly. He assumed it just by the looks, despite knowing from experience that appearances could be deceiving."

“Son, gotta talk to you as soon as you get home! You’ll be swimming in a pool of money if you take this one!”

Jinyoung had received the call from his dad 2 hours ago and he was still dwelling on it. “What was he talking about? Who was he supposed to stalk this time? Junsu was caught by the cops 2 months ago, it was impossible for him to have stolen a few more packs of heroin from Minhyuk for the 10 thousandth time.” He thought as he sighed, after a row of several other sighs, while walking back home after a day working as a freelance photographer for a wedding ceremony.

In fact, the one he had been calling dad since he could remember was not his biological father. His parents had died in a car crash 19 years ago, Jinyoung was a 5-year-old young boy. Sungsoo, his biological father’s closest friend, decided to offer shelter to Jinyoung and raise him right after the incident occurred, taking responsibility for his best friend’s child as his own. He couldn’t be more grateful to him for everything he had done for Jinyoung and everything he had to give up on to raise him.

Since very young, Jinyoung was taught to live depending on nobody else, but himself. Sungsoo taught him to fish, haunt and even handling guns and all kinds of weapons. His father believed that one should know self-defense techniques and how to survive in this big jungle the world was. As he used to mumble, once in a while, “The world is not for the weak”.

Jinyoung was already a pro at archery around the age of 14, it was a matter of months and he would be fully skilled in shooting a gun at a target. Not that Jinyoung had ever needed to put into practice those skills, but he would do anything Sungsoo asked him to.

His love for photography came later on, at the age of 15, as his childhood friend Jaebum taught everything he knew about it. They would even go for late night getaways, somewhere in the surroundings, only to capture the full moon shining over the sea or the stunning views of the city lights from afar.

Also, whenever necessary, Jinyoung would help his father at his convenience store. It was just a small family business Sungsoo owned since his 20s, from which he had always earned very little. To help with their financial situation, he started to create some connections with a gang of drug dealers, by providing them with means of transportation (vans or small trucks) and, once in a while, with more personal services, which usually involved Jinyoung’s skills. Making use of his position in the gang, Minhyuk very frequently requested the help of his old fellow, Sungsoo. They had known each other for over 20 years and, logically, his son Jaebum  _had_ to turn into Jinyoung’s best friend at some point.

As Jinyoung arrived at his dad’s convenience store, sick and tired of all those lovey-dovey moments he had to photograph at that wedding, he found it open but no sign of a living soul.

“He’s probably at the storage room” he thought, as he was heading towards the small room. He was barely getting there when someone suddenly appeared from behind the counter.

“Jinyoung! How was _your_ wedding? Haven’t you brought me any cake? What a shame!” – Jinyoung jumped slightly in surprise, looking back at where that voice came from. The boy standing there was smirking teasingly at Jinyoung, his hair mullet all messed up because of whatever effort he had to make while crouching behind the counter. Jaebum arranged his hair, as Jinyoung replied, rolling his eyes somewhat annoyed.

“Hyung, when I get old, remind me of today’s date, because I assure you I won’t ever get married… What a waste of money AND time.” – he grumbled – "Anyway, what were you even doing over there?" – his face suddenly showing signs of concern – "Don’t hide your stuff over there." – he said, while getting closer to Jaebum.

“Na, I was just placing here some leaflets and office material your dad requested me. Let me tell you this is a mess, you should do something about this counter.”

In the meantime, Sungsoo appeared from the storage room with a big box of tuna cans and, looking at his son from head to toe, proudly exclaimed:

“Jinyoung, my son, always so well dressed! Come here to me!” – said the older man, as he put the box down and went to hug his dear boy.

Because of the wedding occasion, Jinyoung was wearing a simple white dress shirt and plain navy trousers. Usually his dress code would consist in a clean and tidy outfit, giving him a very pleasant appearance. Jeans or plain trousers and sophisticated shirts or pullovers were always well matched by Jinyoung on a daily basis.

His appearance was the biggest weapon Minhyuk could use when ordering him services. He always seemed like a trustworthy and harmless young man and that was all it took for him to be succeeded: the image of a perfect guy. Barely did people know that he was actually a spy for Minhyuk’s gang.

“The Snipers”, that was how they called themselves. Considering the name, one would think they would be such an aggressive and dangerous gang, when actually they were one of the most pacific gangs Jinyoung had ever get to know. Even if someone screwed with their drug dealing, by scamming them or stealing, no human being would end up thrown at the sea tied to heavy stones and let to sink in the water. In the worst-case scenario, there could be some punches and serious threats would come out of it. Since there was actually plenty of information to come up with real threats – thanks to the amazing skills of our Jinyoung as he was the “spy” – there was no need to turn things bloody… At least up until today.

“Well!” – exclaimed his father, changing immediately the subject – “We need to talk, Jinyoung. I’ll close the store for 1 hour and you and Jaebum will follow me to the living room.” - For his father to invite them home (which was right above their small store), it was because the topic of conversation screamed “ILLEGAL”. Since they had a security camera in every corner of their store, the most private way to deal with those “delicate” conversations would be at home.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“What ?!?!?!” – exclaimed Jinyoung raising his eyebrows, his voice louder than what he had expected – “Let me see if I got it right, you and your father want me to murder someone?!” – Jinyoung looked perplexed at his father right in front of him, who was sitting on the couch next to Jaebum, expressionless, and then back to his friend.

“Can you listen to me first? Please…” – Jaebum asked, looking serious. – “You are aware that my sister was… was found dead… a few months ago.” – he stopped for a second, and then continued - “At that time, the doctors pointed out _suicide_ as the cause of death. We’ve been struggling a lot since….” – his friend swallowed hard – “Since then.”

It was obvious that Jaebum was still grieving the loss of his sister Soohyun, as he was hardly trying to convey his message. Jaebum’s expression darkened and harshened.

“We received an information a couple days ago. We intend to check whether it is accurate or not.” – continued Jaebum – “After finding Soohyun…” - he hesitated for a while – “We realized we were stolen 40 kg of cocaine. You know how much money is involved, don’t you?” – Jaebum spoke coldly, a look of despise in his eyes as he thought about the situation – “The thing is, the informer told us that there was this guy my Soo was in love with. A boyfriend.” – there was a biting tone in the mullet boy’s voice. – “In fact, the guy has many connections with… certain people.” – he stopped to clear his throat – “Rivals.” – Jaebum paused again, allowing Jinyoung to follow his stream of thought.

“So, are you telling me that he was somehow involved in her death, while he also planned to rob you?” – asked Jinyoung, incredulous. That was insane. It was okay if they wanted him to find proof that the guy was indeed responsible for such a meticulous and nasty plan, Jinyoung could perfectly collect all the evidence necessary, but ordering a murder? That had never happened before, that was an absolute shitty request.

“He might have used her love to try and get information on the whereabouts of our packs, then… he might have… done something to her, yes. That’s why we need you. We want you to get closer to the guy, pretend to be his friend, and figure out what he had planned and where he hid the stuff. We must retrieve all of it. Either in the form of cash or coke, we must. And in the end, you would k…”

Jinyoung stood up harshly – “I will try to find out the truth but I won’t promise to wipe him out” – he was heated up because of this hell of a request.

“Jinyoung, if it turns out to be true that the guy is indeed the responsible for all of this, then he is a threat not only to the gang, but also to you” – replied his father who had been quiet throughout the whole conversation, as he continued speaking carefully. – “You may even be his next victim”.

Jinyoung was lost in thought for a moment, looking at his friend, back to his father, again to Jaebum: - “I will obviously defend myself and blow him the fuck away if he ever tries to lay a finger on me.” – Jinyoung replied – “In case he is harmless, find someone else to do the dirty work, hyung.”

The other boy sighed, nodding, but not 100% satisfied with the answer.

He and his father Minhyuk were very aware of how Jinyoung was. Although he seemed tough and was skilled in the use of any weapon, Jinyoung had that sensitive side and was very much more ethical than them. Jaebum could sympathize a bit with his friend’s perplexity, but this was a case that the fury of having lost someone he loved and cared the most got the better of him. He would never forgive the responsible for that tragedy. Ever.

As a matter of fact, Jinyoung had a very strong sense of justice and determination. However, he never thought that the drug dealing was really a bad thing. All people had their needs and, let’s be honest, what conditions did the government give to the poorer ones like them? They had to make a living somehow. His involvement with the gang was never something that bothered him, they were just satisfying other people’s needs at their request. Plus, the best of this gang was that they didn’t need to murder anyone to have their interests defended. They used intelligence to deal with whoever stood in their way, avoiding massive murders.

“How am I going to get closer to him? Who’s the bastard anyway? Where does he live?” – Jinyoung sat again on the couch, getting in the “work in progress” mood as he took out from his pocket a small notebook and a pen, ready to get into action.

Jaebum quickly took out of his backpack a folder with all the detailed info about the suspect and delivered it to his friend. Surprised with how well prepared the other was – usually they would barely give a picture of whoever he had to spy, the name was usually the only thing it was provided to him – he took the folder in his hands and opened it to find a picture of a young, black-haired charming boy. At the right bottom of the picture it could be read “Kim Yugyeom, 1997-11-17”. The sheet displayed information such as:

  * Regular customer at Sungsoo’s convenience store;
  * Met Soohyun 3 years ago – friends in common, they were part of the same dance crew;
  * Said to be Soohyun’s boyfriend (unknown duration);
  * Majored in Street Dance;
  * Lives with both his parents (only child).



Jinyoung read attentively all the information in front of him, then his attention went back to the picture. That guy wasn’t a complete stranger to Jinyoung, he had actually already seen him a few times at his father’s store. “Tall, dark hair, wears earrings”, Jinyoung was studying his face and appearance in general as he thought that the guy seemed too innocent to even kill a fly. He assumed it just by the looks, despite knowing from experience that appearances could be deceiving.

“I know you are very capable of this son. I trust you.” - His father suddenly stood up: “Now I’m going to reopen the store. You are starting to replace me there from today until whenever necessary to finish your mission. Both of you have 5 minutes to join me back there.” – and he left the living room, leaving Jinyoung alone with Jaebum.

“Oh… right. The guy is our regular customer… shit” – Jinyoung thought, starting to mull over ways of approaching that Yugyeom guy.

When he noticed he was alone with Jaebum, he realized that something was off since his father would have never let them be together alone, at least since what happened when he was 17 years old. The other boy looked softly at Jinyoung, who smiled back at him, sighed and stood up from the couch in front of the puzzled boy to come sit next to him.

“Thank you for your help. I am very glad I can count on you.” – he stopped, wondering whether he should say what he was about to – “I wish we could have the time… and permission… to hang out more often.” – Jaebum seemed filled with regret.

Jinyoung froze on his spot, but surely didn’t show it on the outside.

“Yeah, hopefully we’ll get to see each other more often to discuss this case.” – he winked at Jaebum, who grinned gradually but widely, barely blushing, which was very unusual on him. There was a high possibility that his ( _not so)_ _pure_ imagination started working. Jinyoung hurried to stand up and head downstairs, to the store, with the mullet boy following behind, many things crossing that little perverted mind of his, as he looked down at Jinyoung’s _back_.

JB, as his closest friends used to call him, was a tough guy. He always liked to be the one in control of everything, to be the dominant one, but for some reason, whenever he was with Jinyoung, it felt like he had no power over the other. Something deep inside him was weak for that guy, and he hated it.

They had known each other since they were kids, but since they were 17 years old something changed.

Jaebum would never admit it - _we would even curse himself if he did_ \- but if he was to fuck a guy that one would be Jinyoung. He would definitely and firmly say that he loved chicks, that he would never be such a faggot. To convince others that he was a  _heterosexual_ _macho man_ , he always bragged about how many girls he had hooked up in the entire week.

The truth is, he was too weak to admit that Jinyoung was the one who made his heart pound every single time he laid his sight on him, more than any other chick.

This kind of thought and view of homosexuality and masculinity itself JB had was very much a consequence of his harsh upbringing at his father's hands. To make things worse, in 2012, on a hot summer night, those two young boys had gone insane at an annual party at the beach that usually lasted for a week. Among many drinks, although still conscious of their own actions, JB and Jinyoung kept with their physical intimacy actions in public, such as holding hands, laying their heads on each other’s shoulders, laughing endlessly against each other’s chests or even giving one or two pecks on each other’s cheeks.

It was then predictable the outcome: After one brief kiss Jinyoung gave right on JB’s right jaw, the latter boy _decided_ he couldn’t hold back what he felt anymore and pushed Jinyoung against the back of one of those wooden drink selling stalls. By grabbing his friend tightly by the hips, Jaebum crashed his lips against his as if their lives depended on it. The unfortunate faith allowed that Sungsoo, who was by chance walking around with a few friends, could catch sight of his son intertwining tongues with the other, at such a place. He could have ignored and lectured them back home, but as soon as he sees immediately after Jaebum’s hands squeezing Jinyoung’s ass in such a perverted way, while grinding on him, he knew that shit had to stop right there where it began.

Let’s say that JB’s father, after learning about what had happened, must have punished his son really bad, because for 3 whole months Jinyoung didn’t set his eyes on his friend. When he did finally see him, some bruises were still visible on the other's skin. He felt so sorry but had never had the chance to say so. Their parents forbid them to stay alone together for so long, they could even barely see each other for one or two years. After the third year, and nowadays, it seemed that everything was back to normal, even though both never dared to meet up, _just_ the two of them, ever again. Jinyoung still used to think about what happened with so much regret. JB had always been a great friend to him, and it seemed like their friendship was ruined for an undetermined period after the incident.

His affection for JB had always been strong, however not strong enough to lead Jinyoung into changing his life or future for him – On the opposite, JB, without admitting it, would probably kill - _or die_ \- for Jinyoung.


	2. The rebirth of a dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Jinyoung looked up at Yugyeom as if the latter was some alien. The guy in front of him was deeply insightful. Somehow, he could read so much on Jinyoung’s attitudes that he started to fear for his own disguise. 
> 
> The truth is, acting was a dream Jinyoung had in the past. A long gone dream."

Five days went by and no sign of Kim Yugyeom.

“It would have been much easier if Jaebum had given me that guy’s address or his crew’s name, at least.” - Jinyoung sighed exhausted, as he was closing the store for the day - _and week, as it was already Sunday_ – “Oh yeah «he is a regular customer, you’ll get to see him easily. » Probably in my next life!” – Jinyoung kept muttering to himself, heading home. As soon as he got into the living room, he threw himself on the main couch and lay there on his stomach, falling asleep almost instantly.

He had no clue for how long he had been napping, when a gentle stroke woke him up from his light sleep. As Jinyoung turned himself around languidly to check what his dad wanted from him, the boy realized the person in front of him was not Sungsoo. Jinyoung sat up, rubbing his eyes, half-asleep, as he looked back at an unexpected JB in the living room.

“I’m sorry if I woke you up, but your dad asked me to call you for dinner.” –  Jaebum smiled tenderly at his muddled friend, as the latter stood up yawning and stretching himself.

“I was surprised you were here. Did my dad invite you?”.

“Yeap, to discuss practical stuff about your mission.” – Jaebum replied, as they were heading to the kitchen.

Something about Sungsoo’s stew of that night smelled and tasted divinely. Jinyoung was starving as he hadn’t eaten since his lunch break.

“Jaebum, how did your father handle that other little guy’s issue?” – Sungsoo started by asking, interested in some case Jinyoung didn’t bother to care.

“Oh, easy, he mentioned the daughter and the guy left with his tail between his legs.”

“As expected from Minhyuk” – Sungsoo chuckled and coughed right away, slightly choking on his food. – “What about your mom? Still working hard at her restaurant?”

“Always! She has been telling me now to find a real job and leave my father’s business with him, you know?” – Jaebum said, pulling a face.

“She’s only concerned about you and your future. Listen to her, once in a while, not only your father.” – As he saw Jaebum nod they all fell in deep silence, enjoying their dinner.

A while later, Jinyoung decided to interrupt the silence in order to focus on the issue he had in hands.

“Hyung, the guy hasn’t come to the store yet. I think I need extra info to start somewhere else as quickly as possible.”

“Hmm… I think you staying at your father’s store is the easiest and less suspicious way of approaching him. It can take a while, but we know he will go there, once he really needs it. He lives in the neighborhood.” – Jaebum answered, leaving Jinyoung astounded.

“You could have given me his address, since you knew it! I could have followed him anywhere and get to know for sure much more than I do now!”

“This mission is not like the previous ones. This time you really have to approach him and be friends with him. If you start stalking him you may end up getting caught, although I know it has never happened to you” – JB immediately added as he notices Jinyoung’s gaze – “But something could have gone wrong and I actually prefer this way. My dad is with me on this.”

“At least can you give me more info if after a month or two I have nothing?” – Jinyoung asked, complying with him.

The affirmative answer from Jaebum was enough for Jinyoung to calm his mind.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Jinyoung lost count of the number of yawns he had in the past hour.

Elbow on the counter, chin resting on the palm of his hand, Jinyoung stood there with his eyes fixing nowhere in particular while waiting for the clock to hit the 12:30. Lunch break never seemed so far, as each minute passed slowly by, while the annoying Dua Lipa’s song was playing for the thousandth time on that day. Although he respected the singer and her song, those radio stations weren’t helping much. Apparently, they weren’t aware of what “diversity” stood for, so they kept playing the same song over and over again.

Jinyoung never enjoyed to stay at his father’s store for over 3 hours, so the past week had been a complete nightmare. He had been there since 8 am, and at that moment the clock was barely reaching the 12 hours.

Jinyoung snapped out of his absent-minded state as a client steps in the store.

“It’s not him” he thought, as he greeted Mrs. Choi that had just got in.

How the hell was he going to start a conversation with some random guy he had never spoken to? Jinyoung managed to imagine the possible scenario: *Yugyeom looking at him as if he was such a weirdo, thinking perhaps the employee was hitting on him, then he would never return to the store*.

The opposite also crossed his mind: *Yugyeom falling in love with Jinyoung which would eventually lead to him dying in his hands after trusting the older all his secrets from his dark past*.

His mind wandered to the point where he thought that if he had to get into a _deeper_ relationship with Yugyeom in order to get whatever information necessary, he’d better be paid twice than what was established. “Hold on!” – He would never sell his virginity for such a low price, so it would take 5 times more the agreed!

“Urgh!” Jinyoung groaned, shaking his head while scratching the back of it. - “You think too far ahead, Jinyoung!” – he thought, letting out a sigh.

His thoughts were interrupted by the appearance of a slim shadow across the floor right in front of him. As he looked at the entrance door, a tall figure got in looking around.

“Finally!” – Jinyoung let out, relieved. Yugyeom seemed even more good-looking than on the picture, an all-in-black style suiting him perfectly.

Everything in his appearance, from his high-top sneakers and ripped black jeans up to his black hair, would make any girl go crazy for Kim Yugyeom. His eyes finally fell on Jinyoung’s as the latter greeted the younger briskly and awkwardly.

Yugyeom greeted back friendly, a gentle smile forming on his lips, eyes radiating warmth and serenity. Then, he headed towards the vegetable section.

Jinyoung cursed himself because of how unprofessional his reaction was. “I can pretend better than this” he thought frustrated, and carefully followed the other with his eyes while Yugyeom was walking around with the shopping basket. Suddenly, Jinyoung’s expression changed into one of surprise as he took the sight of Yugyeom making a random dance move with his shoulders to the sound of Chris Brown’s Liquor, which was surprisingly playing on the radio at that moment.

“He really has the vibe of a dancer” – Jinyoung thought, slightly amused by the younger’s random move.

He noticed Yugyeom frowning in confusion, getting more serious as he couldn’t find something.

Jinyoung found there his chance to approach the taller guy and offer him help, so he decided to head towards his direction.

“Hello, may I help you in some way?” – Yugyeom looked at the nice – _and handsome_ \- employee that decided to come to his aid, showed a smile which made his eyes twinkle and replied “Yes please. I was wondering if you have run out of leeks already… I was looking for a few here at the usual spot but there are none…”

Jinyoung then remembered that his father had asked him around 9 am to restock several vegetables he had placed at the storage room and cursed himself for having forgotten – _or perhaps was too thankful that it happened_.

“Ah! Yes, we do have! I’ll bring some already, just a second!” - Jinyoung rushed to the small room and grabbed about two dozen of big leeks with him, while he tried to figure out his way back as all the vegetables were blocking his view. As he got closer to the younger, he was offered help in holding a few of the leeks, although Jinyoung didn’t let him.

“Oh no, no need to, thanks! It’s my job after all. Here, take the ones you need! – Jinyoung said as he winked at Yugyeom with his characteristic cheerful and gorgeous smile, the one that could even melt the devil’s heart. He knew how to play. To get someone’s trust was his specialty, and as he noticed Yugyeom looking shyly but firmly at him, while thanking him, he was pretty sure that task was going to be easy-peasy.

“By the way, I apologize for saying this out of nowhere, but I noticed a while back you moving like this…” – and Jinyoung kind of tried to exemplify - “It seemed quite good, compared to what I just did, but are you by chance a pro in dancing?” – Jinyoung’s tone was full of amazement. Yugyeom laughed sheepishly.

“I’m not that much of a pro, I just really like to dance. I’m majored in Street Dance, so this is basically my life.” – he replied humbly, holding the leeks while dumbly looking at Jinyoung. – “Ah I should be more careful, people will start thinking I’m crazy, won’t they?”

“No, no, that’s ok, that’s great, it’s something you enjoy, so don’t feel ashamed of randomly doing it. It’s part of you.” – Jinyoung grinned charmingly _– once more, he couldn’t avoid it_ – at him and the dancer boy returned the smile, slightly blushing, but a new confidence appearing in his eyes.

“Yeah, you’re right, although restraining myself a bit wouldn’t hurt.” – Yugyeom made a funny face along with a funny move, leading Jinyoung to let out an involuntary guffaw, reaction that satisfied the younger. – “Thank you for your words. By the way, I’m Yugyeom...”

“Jinyoung, a pleasure to meet you!” – he introduced himself immediately, not letting the other boy finish his sentence, while he stretched out his arm to shake hands with Yugyeom _– Jinyoung couldn’t avoid noticing how warm and soft those hands were_.

“Anything you need I’ll be by the counter, just call me.” – Jinyoung concluded, as he gave a thumbs-up to Yugyeom and got back to his original position. The taller boy was left behind with a silly smile, but eventually got his attention back to his groceries list, while Jinyoung looked at him _disguisedly_.

 

Yugyeom finished getting all the supplies he needed and looked towards the counter. The friendly _– but somehow suspicious_ – guy to whom he had just introduced himself had his gaze fixed on him, while he was serving the next client. The younger noticed a slight expression of disconcert in Jinyoung’s face when he noticed Yugyeom looking back and waving at him. At the same time, Jinyoung gave a sudden grimace of pain, while bringing his index finger to his mouth, which indicated that he somehow had cut himself while handling Mrs. Choi groceries.

Since the very first minute Yugyeom got into that store that he was aware of a pair of eyes fixed on him.

He had no idea of why or for how long. However, he decided to avoid that gaze, because whatever the reason was he would eventually figure out. That’s what he thought at the beginning.

Yugyeom, who was previously taken aback by the – _charming_ – approach of Jinyoung, smirked to himself, raising an eyebrow. Suddenly he felt like teasing the other guy, confidence growing in himself. On his way with his groceries to the counter, Yugyeom took a pack of adhesive bandages from the shelf and waited for his turn at the queue.

When Jinyoung finally started scanning Yugyeom’s products, avoiding eye contact, the younger rested his elbows on the counter, hands supporting his chin, looking attentively at Jinyoung. The latter tried not to show his uneasiness and decided to simply ask - “Anything I can do to help this young gentleman?” – which resulted in Yugyeom chortling.

“Nothing, I appreciate your concern, kind Sir. I’m fine just by looking.”

“Creepy.” – Jinyoung was 100% sure Yugyeom was poking fun at him, even though he hadn’t realized the reason why.

“As a matter of fact, I was not the first to start off with this _game_.”

“What _game?_ I don’t play games.”

“Keep pretending I didn’t notice you staring.” – Yugyeom had a slight conceited look in his face, which overly annoyed Jinyoung.

“Shit” thought Jinyoung. “I should have been more careful?! This guy is sharper than I expected.” Jinyoung’s line of thought took a pause. “Or maybe I’m dumber than expected?!”

“You were the one dancing to Chris Brown here, who wouldn’t have noticed?”

“Apparently you were the only one noticing.” – Yugyeom replied, grinning cheekily.

Jinyoung furrowed his eyebrows. - “It’s 77.586 won in total. Are you paying with cash or credit card?”

At that moment, the younger boy felt an urge need to test the other’s reaction, as to see whether he could actually and eventually be a good new acquaintance to hang out with, and replied - “I’m paying with my heart, maybe you will take it?”

Jinyoung choked in his own saliva as he widened his eyes in utter disbelief. “What?? That crazy bastard dared to make fun of him? Wh…”

Yugyeom laughed out loud at Jinyoung’s face. He could easily imagine his thoughts.

“Credit card.” – Yugyeom turned into a more serious tone, but a faint smile still on his lips, while Jinyoung was still dumbfounded looking at him.

He handed the plastic bags over to Yugyeom stating clearly - “Next time you dare to tell me something like that again, I’ll charge you twice the price.” – he smiled threateningly and forcedly.

Yugyeom grinned. “I should’ve also charged you for every single time you laid your eyes on me. I would be millionaire by now.” – he offered Jinyoung the pack of adhesive bandages looking at the other’s hand, a small drop of blood appearing from the cut on his finger, turned around and left the store taking his buys with him, still grinning widely, leaving a speechless Jinyoung behind.

“Tssc, that brat… Too cheeky. He fucking did it on purpose. Urgh, why the fuck did I watch him for too long? Now he thinks I fucking like him or something, what the hell?” – he exhaled, visibly agitated. Observing the pack of adhesive bandages left in his hand, as he didn’t even have time to refuse it, he raised his left eyebrow, took one bandage out and applied it on the cut, without even bothering getting something to disinfect it.

One thing he knew for sure, at least Yugyeom reacted all relaxed around him. That was all it mattered. “Not bad, after a kind of long – _but definitely boring_ – period of waiting” he thought, smiling lightly at his bandage newly applied on his skin.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

 

On the next day, Jinyoung was wiping the counter with a rag, his back turned to the entrance door. He was aware that the next days would be of useless effort there. Yugyeom would only go there once in a blue moon, so he bared in mind that the next time he met the younger, he would definitely take out more from him so he could get to see him outside of the store.

It was barely 8 am and Jinyoung was getting everything prepared for a new day of work, while wearing his father’s apron _-_ _with a peculiar design of cute little dolphins everywhere. He never quite understood his dad’s love for the animal_ \- before the opening at 8 o’clock sharp. Right at that moment, he heard a knock at the store’s glass door, which was still closed.

“Just wait a bit please, it will open in a few minutes” – when Jinyoung looked back he saw none other than Kim Yugyeom taking a peek through the glass door. Jinyoung got closer to the entrance, looking puzzled.

“Can you open it just a bit earlier for me pleeease... Hyung?” – Yugyeom begged, his voice muffled by the door.

“N-o.” – Jinyoung replied, with a mischievous look in his eyes.

“Nice apron you have, it looks very c… - Yugyeom started, but Jinyoung immediately changed his mind and let the younger in, while gritting his teeth and making as much noise as possible with opening the door to stop the other from saying anything else. He took off his apron quickly after.

The satisfaction in Yugyeom’s expression was highly visible, as he was thanking Jinyoung for his _kindness_.

“Did you forget something from yesterday?” – Jinyoung asked, still slightly sulking. Yugyeom had the perfect answer for this, but he opted for not teasing Jinyoung by replying - “Yes Sir. Bread and tissues.”

“You’re lucky, you’ll get the bread still warm, go get it over there.” – Jinyoung pointed his finger at the bread section.

 

When Yugyeom was finished, he arrived at the counter looking intrigued.

“Anything wrong?” – asked Jinyoung. It was noticeable that something crossed the younger’s boy mind.

“Nothing. I was just wondering if there is anything in particular that you like to do. Any hobby? Or anything you would like to try?” – Yugyeom decided to take the risk by asking.

Jinyoung looked at him, suspicion becoming apparent in his expression. - “I really like to read.”

Yugyeom furrowed his eyebrows. - “Nothing else?”

“I like photography?”

The younger was lost in thought. - “Have you ever thought of being an actor? I mean, have you ever considered attending auditions for a movie or a play?”

Jinyoung looked up at Yugyeom as if the latter was some alien. The guy in front of him was deeply insightful. Somehow, he could read so much on Jinyoung’s attitudes that he started to fear for his own disguise.

The truth is, acting was a dream Jinyoung had in the past. A long gone dream.

In High School, Jinyoung was well known for the roles he used to take at the Theater club, of which he was a member. When he was about to graduate, Jinyoung decided to ask his father to enroll in college. The Bachelor of Fine Arts degree – Major in Theater was very appealing to him. Everything Sungsoo did at that time was suggesting him to leave it for a few years later, by giving him the excuses that he needed to get other experiences and, at the same time, save money for the degree course. Up until these days, there was no sign of financial support coming from his dad – _even though Jinyoung knew they had plenty of it_. Anytime he reminded his father of the dream he had, Sungsoo managed to make his son forget all about it, making him busier with tasks and whatever necessary. In the end, the young boy realized his father didn’t really support the _acting idea_ , as he was actually more interested in seeing his Jinyoung pursuing a management career – _it was his major in High School, mostly because he couldn’t refuse many of his father’s requests_. In the end, Jinyoung didn’t get interested in the management area, as his father expected him to be, and the boy himself gave up on his dream and kept living depending on his freelance activities.

“Hm… Yes. But those were silly ideas I had once. I thought that because I was part of the Theater club I was talented and could have a future in the industry. Na.”

“Why won’t you try it?” – Yugyeom asked right away. He looked serious, his features showing honesty and confidence. – “I strongly believe that you’ll do a great job. The first time I saw you I thought that maybe you would be a good fit for acting. Now I’m absolutely sure.” - The younger boy took out from his pocket the old receipt from the previous day and jotted down some numbers.

“Give me a call if you want to give it a try. My dad works in the industry, he is aware of _every_ single audition that is currently on. He has several connections. I can get you in an audition as quickly as you ask me to.” – He kept with an honest and assuring look in his eyes as he gave the receipt with his phone number to Jinyoung.

The boy in front of him seemed to care, even though he knew nothing about Jinyoung’s old story. He undoubtedly grasped the whole situation.

Jinyoung first hesitated in accepting his contact number, but as Yugyeom was stubborn enough, he eventually took it and kept it in his pocket. Meanwhile, Yugyeom paid for the supplies and left space for the client who was next to him. The last thing Jinyoung heard was a “Don’t let anyone else decide for you.” A few seconds later he looked back to where Yugyeom had been before, but there was no trace of him. The boy had simply vanished from the store, without him realizing, leaving a puzzled Jinyoung reflecting on the younger’s words.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

On that night, Jinyoung received a call from Jaebum.

“Hey you there! I’m just calling to know how you’ve been doing…”

“Hello hyung, I’m alright.” – Jinyoung gulped, feeling guilty for lying to his friend regarding his mood. – “I was going to send you a text message with the updates on the mission, but I…” – Jinyoung was interrupted abruptly.

“Wooo hold on! You have news?! Bring it on!” – Jaebum seemed to be all ears on the phone, as he waited for Jinyoung to speak.

“You know it will still take some time until I really find something, so we must be patient, but for now I only got his phone number, so I guess it will be much easier from now on.”

“Damn it that was a huge progress!” – JB seemed excited – “You see? You were unnecessarily worried about sticking only to working at the store. Things always work out.”

“I’m actually thinking of asking my dad to stop working there. I believe there’s no need anymore. It would be such a waste of time!”

“Of course, there’s no point in you keep being there. Let’s be honest, you could be earning some more money with photography, instead of spending your days waiting there, only for the sake of this mission. Now that you have his contact just do whatever you want! I know that you need some time for yourself, after the past few days.” – JB continued, showing his caring side.

“Uh-huh, that’s what I want right now, honestly. To relax a bit for a couple of days.”

“Just do it. Look, what I can do now is give you some advices on how you can proceed when you feel like it. Whenever you get the time to call him and hang out with him, maybe you should give up on some tiny secret you may have to him. Usually these things work out. It’s a matter of time until he invites you to his house.” – JB suggested.

“Already did it, hyung.”

“What?! You’ve already gone to his house?! What the fuck Jinyoung, when were you thinking of telling me? You said you _only_ had his phone number… Geez” – Jaebum seemed incredulous.

“Not that you moron, I already told him something private. I mean, not directly, but he grasped the situation. He’s smarter than we think.” – Jinyoung replied honestly.

“Hm…” – JB started by replying – “Okay! I know what you’re capable of, I trust you, but just be careful.” – JB’s voice turned indistinct. – “I swear to God that if he touches you…”

“No need for that, thank you. I know how to handle a knife.”

A sigh from the other side of the line could be heard.

“I know, take the pocketknife I gave you with you.” – he paused and proceeded after he heard Jinyoung replying with a “Uh-huh” – “I won’t take much of your time now, but just rechecking, is everything ok?”

“I’m fine, I’ll focus on photography in the next few days, to relax a bit.”

“Great. If you need my help in anything just let me know, we haven’t taken any photos together for quite some time…” - he paused – “I’ll talk to our parents if necessary, you know…” – he hesitated with concern.

“No problem, bro. I’ll make sure to show them they can trust us.” – he paused. – “I have to go now, let’s talk later!”

“Ok. See you Jinyoung.”

After hanging up, Jaebum looked at his phone, feeling visibly disappointed. “Bro”, he repeated in his head.

That was the last word he wanted to hear from Jinyoung.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

 

Two weeks went by and Kim Yugyeom never showed up again at the store – _at least according to Sungsoo, who kept his attention towards the coming of the young boy as well_.

During those days, Jinyoung actually did a lot. Besides his freelance services, he had also time to focus on archery and photography.

This time, Jinyoung knew he had to contact Yugyeom sooner or later, so his moments dedicated to restoring energy were over starting on the day after. Although it didn’t seem so, staying at his father’s store every single day from 8 am to 6 pm was unbelievably tiring. He was glad that from Monday to Saturday between 6pm-3am he had some other employee to replace him, otherwise _slavery_ wouldn’t even be enough to describe his condition.

Jinyoung had also taken an important decision, which had only impelled him to think about contacting Kim Yugyeom.

However, not on that day. It was a sunny Wednesday and he chose it to be his “Coffee and Chill” day. Jinyoung wanted to visit that coffee shop he really liked in the city center mainly because he hadn’t gone there for over 2 months. He had always liked that specific place because it had a pleasant atmosphere and, whenever he had the opportunity, he could take a book with him and spend a whole day focused on reading _– even though he hadn’t done that for about 4 years_.

While on his way to the place, he noticed a small crowd gathering nearby. He decided this time to take his coffee plus a small bag of sweet breads with him, instead of sitting at the coffee shop, and get closer to the small crowd.

It was a street dance crew that was performing. The rhythm was very catchy which encouraged several of the elements of the crowd to shake their bodies while enjoying the show.

That’s when Jinyoung saw him. It was impossible not to get mesmerized by such a talent like Kim Yugyeom. His moves naturally flowing in sync with the music, full of overflowing charisma and a fierce gaze in his eyes allowing him to show the world his hidden self. He was like a wild tiger in the jungle, as his powerful aura attracted anyone and everyone’s attentions.

Jinyoung didn’t bother to hide his fascination, his mouth agape, even after the crew ended their show and Yugyeom noticed the older boy among the crowd. Blushing _– more because of the effort than for the attention received –_ he went to Jinyoung, who realized his own amazement too late.

“Wow…” – Jinyoung could barely say, and his astonishment was sincere. – “I wasn’t expecting to see you here. That was impressive… Do you come here often?”

Yugyeom smiled, feeling flattered: - “Thank you, hyung… We do come here once in a while, depending on what schedules we have next. We’ve been practicing a lot for the past few weeks. Actually…” – he stopped and spoke lower getting closer to Jinyoung’s face. – “We are here to indirectly promote ourselves before performing on TV.” – he went back to his normal tone. – “For real, this choreography has to be on point on the day!”

Yugyeom pulled a face and drank from his bottle of water he had brought with him.

“You are performing on the TV? What a chance! Is it going to be live?” – Jinyoung was genuinely interested in watching the performance.

“It will! Next Friday, on channel 9! Don’t miss it, hein? My future days of glory depend on you!” – Jinyoung shook his head, with a judgmental expression on his face, while Yugyeom chuckled. As he did this, the older boy remembered what he had been dwelling on since the last time he saw Yugyeom, and with which he was going to deal the day after – _but, apparently, he would be too busy for that, so better hurry now._

“Yugyeom” – the sound of his own name coming out from Jinyoung’s mouth startled the young boy. – “I think I’m gonna take your offer.”

Yugyeom seemed confused: “What off….”

“The auditions… let me know if you know anything.”

Yugyeom looked back at Jinyoung and nodded with a smile of satisfaction. - “Very well, the boy has listened to me, hein? I might want to check your talent out later on as well!”

“Whatever” – said Jinyoung, rolling his eyes, but, in a way, feeling more loosen up.

In the meantime, a few members of Yugyeom’s crew came in their direction, leaving Jinyoung temporarily uncomfortable. As Yugyeom introduced them to Jinyoung, one of them, Jackson Wang, started immediately chatting with him as if he had met him his whole life. Mark, another of the members, stood around quiet, listening to the chatty Jackson. Then there was Jessica, who, as soon as she noticed the handsome gentleman Jinyoung was, got immediately attracted like a magnet to him. The other three missing members – _Hyeri, Hyunwoo and Dongil –_ were a bit farther, cleaning the spot they used and discussing whether they should take the portable stereo to Hyeri’s home or Dongil’s. Slowly, but surely, Jinyoung started feeling more at ease around those strangers that surrounded him.

“You know, we formed this crew 3 years ago and I suggested to call it “The Mafia” but they refused!” – Jackson kept babbling to Jinyoung. – “Nowadays we are “The Street Kids” but I still have high hopes we’ll change the name one day!” – Mark shook his head in disapproval, as Jessica told Jinyoung to never mind the other’s words. Yugyeom had long gone to offer help to the other three elements to avoid listening to Jackson who had been chattering for a while. Mark thought it was reasonable to do the same and left the three of them.

“As you can see, we are currently 5 guys and 2 girls. We were 8 members before, you know…” – Jackson’s voice wasn’t as lively as before and he paused for a while. – “We lost someone very dear to us”. – Jessica looked up the sky, avoiding to think – _or cry_ – about what Jackson had just brought up.

“It’s ok, we are doing just fine. What about you Jinyoung?” – Jessica interrupted Jackson, changing the subject. – “What do you like to do? What prospects do you have for the future?”

“He’s going to be a famous actor!” – Yugyeom was back with the rest of the guys behind, smiling tenderly at Jinyoung.

“What?! For real?! That’s insane! Let’s be friends now so I can keep fame from going to your head! I swear I won’t let it happen!” – exclaimed Jackson towards Jinyoung.

Jessica was amazed. If she had a crush on Jinyoung before, now she was absolutely sure she had right there her lifetime chance of marrying an actor. “What kind of movies do you want to be part of? Have you already been part of any movie? We will watch them all as soon as we get home!”

“No! I haven’t done anything, I… I was just going to try…” – Jinyoung started by saying.

“…and he’s going to kill it!” – interrupted Jackson. – “You seem too humble! Have confidence, bro!”

The rest of the crew kept saying words of support to Jinyoung, a guy they had just met. It showed how outgoing and kind all of them were, which helped the boy to somehow get integrated and, most importantly, get to know a bit more about the crew and Yugyeom himself.

They trusted him and he hoped that trust would remain. He felt that they were too loyal to let him get away with hurting Kim Yugyeom. Or any of them.

After spending some more time chatting, it was high time they went back home. Jinyoung said goodbye to each and all of them and walked back home, while Yugyeom watched him from afar, an undefined look in his eyes.

In Jinyoung’s mind, the only thought wandering around, while he was heading home, was him standing on a stage after a play or at a filming spot, being congratulated and recognized for his stunning acting by all of his co-workers and/or fans.

The passion inside him was so intense to the point he started creating scripts and speaking to himself in the middle of the street, imagining he could actually ask for Yugyeom’s help when he needed to practice. “Why would I ask him for help?! I won’t allow him to see this if it’s for him to throw some joke at my face!” – Jinyoung realized the ridiculous idea he had and quickly put it aside – _at least temporarily_.

His dream, in the end, may have actually been reborn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was tough. The ideas that were crossing my mind were merely to be included in the future (last) chapters. My creativity wasn’t allowing me to finish this one!  
> Let’s see if I can finish the next chapter before GOT7’s concert in Paris!


	3. City of Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yugyeom embraced Jinyoung’s shoulders, tugging him closer to lay his head on is shoulder, while stroking his hair. The alcohol was blurring his sight, disappointment and frustration were running through him, but he was able to feel an immense serenity within Yugyeom’s embrace, the scent of his skin, sweet and warm, filling his senses, making him drift off into a slumber feeling."

“Hey, this is Jinyoung” – Jinyoung really didn’t have the imagination to come up with any other kind of message. He had Yugyeom’s number saved in his contact list for a while, most likely since the day he gave it to him but hadn’t bothered to send a single text message since then. His resting time was precious to reflect on what to do next and how, while he could distract his mind from the limitations he faced in his life.

The reply came fast. - “You forgot about me… I’ve been waiting… :P Glad you didn’t throw my number away ^^”

Jinyoung would never throw it away, Jaebum would slaughter him if he did - although that Yugyeom didn’t have to know.

“Right… is just that I won’t be working for the store anymore. Change of plans in my life. You’re not free tomorrow to hang out, are you?”

“Yes! You’re getting ready to get into the entertainment industry, aren’t you?! :D  
Oh… No, I’m sorry TT. Practice day! Is this weekend ok with you?”

Jinyoung sulked faintly, even though he found the answer predictable.

“It’s fine with me. Call me later to check the best time for you, I won’t be doing much anyway. You got me excited with the idea of getting to act again… thanks.” – Jinyoung was hesitant about whether he should have said it directly, but he had nothing to lose, chiefly because he had to gain the other’s trust anyway.

“Deal! And don’t thank me… Sometimes my father advises random strangers in the street to go for auditions… He recognizes talent better than me for sure, but I’m positive I’m not wrong about you ;)”

“Yeah, maybe… Break a leg on Friday”

“I hope not… Hehe thanks, hyung!”

Jinyoung put aside his phone and let himself drop on his bed, his arms outstretched. Something deep inside troubling him and he couldn’t really figure out what.

He kept thinking of that same afternoon, as he was with _The Street Kids_ dance crew – besides the unfortunate incident of Jackson noticing Jinyoung’s sweet breads and having eaten half of what he had bought – when they supported him and his dream. Then the funny stories they told him which happened with them in the past flooded his mind. Jinyoung kept remembering everything: when Yugyeom’s pants got ripped right at the beginning of a performance, when he started to argue with an imaginary friend after too many drinks and even the time they went to Japan and lost Yugyeom – _how was that even possible?_

“We were pretty scared that anything had happened to him, we searched everywhere we had been to! He was nowhere! He didn’t even pick up his phone!” – Jackson had his hands on his head, purposely over-exaggerating to enhance the drama.

“Hyung… too overdramatic…” – Jinyoung remembered quite clearly Yugyeom’s answer, as he was a bit concerned about his own image in front of his new friend.

“We later found out he was held hostage by some restaurant’s owner in the main street!” – Mark covered Jackson’s mouth and finished: - “Apparently the old lady was just so glad to talk to a foreign who managed to speak Japanese that Yugyeom couldn’t possibly think of turning her down.”

“Our Gyeomie is such a nice boy…” – He seemed indeed. Jackson’s words got stuck in Jinyoung’s mind, and even though they mentioned in the conversation so many of Jackson’s iconic moments, Jinyoung could only remember Yugyeom’s. In the midst of several memories from that day, he fell asleep, skipping dinner with his father.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Jinyoung had almost forgotten about Yugyeom’s live performance on TV. Luckily, Jackson purposely started following him on Instagram to remind him of the show - Jinyoung was not sure whether it was a good thing to have him on Instagram stalking him.

The show highly impressed him. Although Jinyoung had seen a small part of their choreography 2 days before, it seemed like he watched it for the first time. Each member was greatly talented and at that moment the boy wondered what plans the group had for their future.

Taking the phone in his hand, as soon as the broadcast finished, he texted Yugyeom. “Congratulations on your live show! Impressive, as expected. Say hi to the rest of the guys.”

“Would he really be that much of a devious guy to steal drugs using a person’s feelings for that?” – Jinyoung pondered about what could be the motivation, anything, but it just didn’t make sense. Was Jaebum insane? “No, no!”. He would never give him a task without reasoning, he knew his friend like the back of his hand – _or so he thought_. Meanwhile, the previous uneasiness he felt kept growing in him.

He jumped out of his skin a few minutes later once he heard his ringtone interrupting his thoughts. Looking at the screen, he noticed Yugyeom’s name coming up. “Why is he calling me? Isn’t it easier to send a text message?” – Jinyoung exhaled and answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey hyung! I received your text message, I’m very glad you watched us!”

“Talented people deserve to be watched and recognized, isn’t it?”

“Ah… I don’t even have words… thank you… Uhm, I was calling you to invite you somewhere tonight… Are you free?” - Yugyeom replied, flattered at Jinyoung’s compliment.

“T-tonight?” – Jinyoung’s mind wandered in the wrong direction.

“It’s nothing more, me and the guys are celebrating over at Jackson’s house. He is having his own private Karaoke session, the only stuff we need to take with us are snacks and drinks. Are you in?”

Jinyoung was surprised with the invitation, however, not quite sure if he should join. - “Uhm… Do you think I can?”

“Jackson got pretty excited with the idea of inviting you…”

“Ok… seems fine to me… You are paying for my snacks and drinks, aren’t you?”

He heard a whining laugh at the other end of the phone. - “Fine… Then you’re owing me lunch!”

“Dream on.”

“Hyuung…” Jinyoung chuckled as he heard the other protesting.

When the call was over, and after setting a meeting time and spot, Jinyoung realized the notification light on.

“Free tonight? Can I come over?” – It was JB’s message. Jinyoung took a deep breath, questioning himself how his friend could have such a bad timing.

“Today I gotta work hyung, sorry!”

“Oh, no problem! Anything new?”

“Not much yet, I’ll keep you updated!”

“Great! Thank you! See you hopefully tomorrow then!”

Why did Jaebum think that Jinyoung would be available on the next day? He sighed once more before replying one last time and getting prepared for his night out.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Jackson went insane when he started singing 2ne1’s “Come Back Home”, song which he had specifically picked. Even Mark, who was singing with his friend, was crazier than what Jinyoung had ever expected. While the two of them were highly focused on their extravagant moves and overdramatic singing, Jinyoung was sitting on the carpet of the wide living room, leaned against Jackson’s expensive sofa, eating some snacks and laughing at their foolish moves.

Because Jackson lived by himself at such a huge house – too fancy for Jinyoung’s taste - once in a while he would eventually feel lonely, so in order to _heal his extreme loneliness_ – Jackson really exaggerated on the terms he used - these kinds of parties were frequent.

“You must come to ALL of my parties from now on, Jinyoung!” – that was what he had imposed on Jinyoung a while before, to which the latter clearly pretended to consent.

Jessica was sitting on the sofa, right behind Jinyoung, singing along, sometimes slightly crossing the line with him as she massaged his shoulders. She clearly stated that was essential for him to feel completely relaxed. “You are too tense. Loosen up and have fun! We can dance together if you want!”. He was just fine, but he tried not to hurt her feelings so he avoided pulling her hands away. Yugyeom was on Jinyoung’s left, taking sips at his beer as he threw sidelong glances at them, while trying to focus on supporting the singers of the night. Once in a while he would hear him laugh at something that she randomly said, which only turned things harder to put up with.

“Let’s do it later, let me just eat and drink a bit more” – Jinyoung replied, looking at the disguised sulk on Yugyeom’s face.

“Hey!”

Yugyeom thought Jinyoung was probably talking to someone else – or pretended he thought he was - so he simply turned a deaf ear to him.

“He is not much into you, as you can see. What a friend…” - Jessica shook her head as if judging the other – “No worries, Jinyoungie, I am here for you!”

Jinyoung wasn’t giving up. He gently pulled Jessica’s hands away and leaned over Yugyeom, speaking closer to his ear.

“Kim Yugyeom!” – that scared the younger boy, who covered his ear, frowning at him. Jinyoung smiled and proceeded to ask what he had in mind.

“What songs do you usually like to sing in Karaoke sessions? Not allowed to mention Chris Brown.”

Yugyeom turned to look at Jinyoung raising an eyebrow. A bit more satisfied with the attention received, Yugyeom gave a small flustered smirk and replied “Well… Uhm… I avoid to sing many of his songs since their lyrics aren’t quite _appropriate_ to be sang anywhere. In regular _Noraebangs_ you can’t definitely find them. For obvious reasons.” – he threw a mischievous glance at Jinyoung, who wondered what kind of shit Yugyeom was listening to. Jinyoung’s judgmental grimace made him crack up. – “I sing a bit of everything, mostly upbeat songs.” - The younger stood up promptly as Mark waved the microphone at him, while “Bang Bang Bang” started playing, which hyped him up. “Just watch!” – that was the last thing Yugyeom said to Jinyoung, right before turning his back on him.

“Oh wow… I was just left in the lurch…” – Jinyoung grumbled.

“Told ya… But you ignored me…” – Jessica was still pouting for having been put aside.

Yugyeom and Jackson, along with their extravagant moves, cracked the whole room up. At a certain point, Jackson gave his mic away to Jinyoung making him – _more like forcing him to_ \- stand. Laughing out of embarrassment, he had no other choice than taking it – you bet he quickly got in the mood.

The next song started playing, from some rap artists he didn’t even know, and Hyunwoo and Dongil were ready to show their rapping skills, while Jinyoung went back to where he had been sitting before, joining Mark, Jackson and Yugyeom.

“Guys… I miss the old school songs. I mean, they have that different vibe… Those nostalgic feels, you know?” – Jackson was chattering away and Jinyoung kept agreeing with him, while shoving a handful of chips into his mouth.

“In 20 years’ time you’ll state the same regarding the songs from nowadays. Music will keep changing, get used to it bro” – Yugyeom replied, although he was more focusing on eating than on the conversation itself.

Jackson started a deep and philosophical conversation on the evolution of music, which Yugyeom wasn’t really into listening to. The guys were not quite in a sober condition, so anything they said didn’t really make much sense. Several more songs played, in as many languages possibly imaginable, while Jinyoung – after a few beers which were already affecting his balance - and Yugyeom kept talking with each other, the latter giving all his attention to him, to every gesture and every word. Jinyoung kept babbling about his adventures when he was a kid.

If Yugyeom had to realize something at that moment, it would be how wonderful of a person Jinyoung was. Although being plainly mysterious, something about him was making Yugyeom’s heart throb.

“The house was fucking haunted! On the next day we searched about it and there were stories of people dying there because they tried to communicate with the spirits. We were horrified! You see, my friend w…”

Suddenly, Jinyoung was interrupted by someone who grasped his wrist making him stand up to sing the next song.

“Jinyoungieee, let’s sing together! It’s an easy one, come, come!” – Jessica was eager to sing with Jinyoung as if in a duet, since he had paid no attention to her whatsoever from the moment he started chatting with Yugyeom.

“Let him be if he doesn’t want. He has drunk already quite a bit.” – Yugyeom tried to pull Jinyoung a bit to himself but without success.

“It’s ok, I’ll sing, I’ll sing. What did you pick?” – a small scowl plastered onto Yugyeom’s face.

“City of Stars” was the chosen one. Not that it would be his first option for a Karaoke, especially when he was far from sober, but everyone started waving their hands to the song as if there was no tomorrow.

Throughout the whole song Jackson made sure to highlight the last word of each sentence Jinyoung would sing, by repeating it, turning things funnier, almost as if creating a fanchant. As for Jessica, she sang passionately - in order to impress Jinyoung, perhaps, although he was more focused on the lyrics and trying not to laugh because of Jackson. Yugyeom kept sipping at his drink, not taking his eyes off Jinyoung a single time.

“He has a nice voice, doesn’t he?” – Hyeri had been analyzing Yugyeom’s face for quite some time. She was the psychologist of the dance crew, as they used to consider her. Besides being graduated in Psychology, she always had this inborn ability to read emotions and to try to solve people’s issues – _she was very fond of Soohyun as well_.

“Wha…? Ah, he has…” – Yugyeom tried to cough his embarrassment out.

“Don’t you want to sing this song with him?” – She insisted harder.

Yugyeom seemed bewildered which made Hyeri shake her head: “Nevermind, you’ll get there” - and eventually stood there silently smiling, turning her attention to the song being played.

He felt somehow exposed and that feeling worsened at that right moment when the final sentence was sang by Jinyoung and he was smilingly staring at Yugyeom, as everyone sang it in unison. Jinyoung’s cheeks were already slightly tinged in red from the alcohol he had already drunk.

“Jinyoungiee, that was so nice! You sing heavenly!” – he didn’t have time to breathe for a second and Jessica had already glued herself to Jinyoung. He kind of tried to move her away, but she was insistently embracing him. Yugyeom knew what would come next, they all knew how Jessica was when she drank. She simply placed a peck on Jinyoung’s cheek. For Jinyoung it was more or less acceptable, a little peck on the face would not kill anyone, even though they were not quite that close. However, she didn’t stop there.

“Ah, no way, I’m sorry, no” – Jinyoung pushed Jessica away when she eventually tried to reach his lips. The rejection highly hurt her, but there was not much he could do. Yugyeom reached them to pull the older to himself, taking him away from where they were.

“Noona… please”

“Why Yugyeom? I just needed some affection, is it that hard to understand?!” – she walked away immediately after stating this, while tottering around, drunk. Eventually, Jackson caught her before she could fall, taking her probably to some of his hundreds guest rooms.

“I apologize for her, she didn’t know exactly what she was doing…”

“Don’t worry, it’s ok” – Jinyoung grinned at the younger – “Let’s sit over there”.

Yugyeom nodded at Jinyoung’s request. Just a while after, one more drink and Jinyoung was basically K.O. He was telling Yugyeom how he always wanted to get in Univesity for the Theater Major and he couldn’t, how he was raised to be strong and fierce and, in the end, he was none of those things. He basically let out many of his life concerns and Yugyeom – and probably Mark as well – listened to him. Yugyeom embraced Jinyoung’s shoulders, tugging him closer to lay his head on is shoulder, while stroking his hair. The alcohol was blurring his sight, disappointment and frustration were running through him, but he was able to feel an immense serenity within Yugyeom’s embrace, the scent of his skin, sweet and warm, filling his senses, making him drift off into a slumber feeling.

Some English song was played and after that a blackout.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Opening his eyes slowly, Jinyoung woke up to a strong headache that immobilized him to the double bed he was lying in. He took both hands to his head, as he grimaced in pain. He realized he was in some unfamiliar dark room, probably somewhere at Jackson’s house. Jinyoung tried to find a phone, a clock, something, however, his headache was restraining his movements.

“Great Jinyoung, a hangover. You had nothing better to do with your life than getting drunk” – He sat up taking his time and turned the nightstand lamp on. The brightness didn’t quite mitigate his headache, but he was more focused on knowing where he was.

The bedroom was spacious, but simple, unlike what Jinyoung expected coming from Jackson’s huge house. There was a bookcase on Jinyoung’s left, right next to a desk, and on his right side a wardrobe and a piano keyboard. Exactly in front of the bed, close to the door, a sophisticated stereo system was placed on a chest of drawers and a standing mirror was next to it.

He realized a while later that he was in Yugyeom’s room as soon as he saw his family picture in a frame on the nightstand, where he found his own wallet and phone. “Why am I here?” – he wondered, as they could have slept over at Jackson’s house like it should have been.

“11:13H” – He unlocked his phone to check the time and huffed because of how late it was. Before taking his stuff with him and leave the room, he decided to take a look around, taking quick glances here and there, in the most suspicious places he could find. Everything in that room was so simple and open to anyone that he basically didn’t find anything abnormal anywhere.

From the hallway Jinyoung smelled the delicious scent of eggs and bacon being fried and he followed the smell. Yugyeom’s house was pretty much decent, nor too big, but not too small either. It was just the perfect size for a family of three members. As Jinyoung was thinking about it, he peered through the kitchen’s door. The tall figure was finishing cooking their breakfast but, unlike Jinyoung, he seemed refreshed, as if he hadn’t drunk a single drop of alcohol on the night before.

“Psst!” – Yugyeom looked back following the sound. As he detected Jinyoung standing there he made an amusing expression at how messed up the older looked.

“Good morning, hyung, how was your beauty sleep?” – Jinyoung stared at the younger with a repulsive face, but didn’t reply, sitting on a chair right away.

“How did I come here yesterday? I can’t remember a thing.” – Jinyoung managed to mumble something, while taking his hand to his head once more.

“I almost had to drag you. Dongil hyung lives around so he helped me out, since I wasn’t in the best of conditions to take you all by myself anyway.” – Yugyeom smiled, pulling a face – “I’m perfectly fine now!”

“You better stop boasting.” – Jinyoung threw a piercing glance at the other, making him chuckle. – “Why didn’t we stay over Jackson’s house?”

“You didn’t want to stay there… believe me.” – Yugyeom paused, chuckling. – “I can assure you the living room was disgusting… The rest of the guys slept there, except me, you and Dongil who had to go to work today.”

Jinyoung felt the need to apologize, since he presumably helped to create a huge mess over Jackson’s house, and as he was about to do it he realized something “Oh shit… What if I said something…?”

“Did I… behave well yesterday? Be honest.” – Yugyeom let out a laugh.

“Not bad… Let me see what happened…” - Yugyeom thought for a while, then shuddered as he remembered Jessica almost kissing Jinyoung. He decided not to mention that _small_ detail. Never. He didn’t know exactly why, but he wasn’t going to. Period. – “You only got everything that was bothering you off your chest, which I personally recommend when someone is drunk. It helps to clean your soul.” – Yugyeom brought the eggs and bacon to the table.

Jinyoung wasn’t 100% unworried, but Yugyeom didn’t seem agitated, nor concerned, so he eventually relaxed.

“What about you? Where did you sleep?”

“In the living room” – Yugyeom’s mouth was full of eggs and bread, happily eating the breakfast.

Jinyoung gave him a perplexed look. His bed was big enough to fit two drunk guys, why the hell didn’t he sleep with him? Jinyoung mildly shook his own head, snatching away the forbidden thought.

“You could have left me there instead. I wouldn’t mind.”

“And then my parents would see some random dude on their couch, and probably think you were a hopeless intrusive vagabond. Their first impression would be on point! Now that I think of it… I should have let you there just to get to see your reaction. Priceless!” – Yugyeom laughed, imagining his parents' shouts echoing in the house and some Park Jinyoung guy running around the living room not even knowing where he was _nor_ who he was.

“Oh, shut up!” – Jinyoung replied, annoyed. – “Are they around?” – Jinyoung’s eyes widened, looking through the door as he was sticking a slice of bread in his mouth.

“Don’t worry, dad is working. Mom went to my aunt’s house for lunch.”

Jinyoung nodded, relieved, and they kept quietly enjoying their brunch.

Despite all Yugyeom’s efforts to make Jinyoung leave home and hang out with him to clear his head, the latter always refused stating that if he was to leave that house it would be directly towards his own. The younger eventually gave up and let Jinyoung occupy the whole couch to watch some dumb series on TV, covered with a blanket - the one Yugyeom had slept with. Yugyeom simply stayed seated on a pillow, leaning against the couch.

The series was so dull that Jinyoung just started randomly thinking of questions he wanted to ask to Yugyeom. Yugyeom would eventually reply to them all, warm-heartedly.

“Hey… I’m curious about something…”

“About what?”

“What plans do you have for the future?”

The younger chuckled dreamily.

“I would love to be a choreographer. Teaching Street Dance always crossed my mind. It’s something…” – There was a sparkle in Yugyeom’s eyes – “Something that I would really love to do. My ultimate goal is to encourage people to fulfil their dreams as well as inspiring them with my dance and work.”

Jinyoung listened attentively to every word Yugyeom said. Everything about him seemed so authentic, his eyes showing passion and ambition, but he sensed something was unsettling the young boy deep inside. Maybe something Jinyoung really needed to know – _but possibly something he didn’t want to know._

“You want to be someone else’s role model?”

“Something like that yes” – Yugyeom was flustered at the other’s choice of words.

“And what have you been doing to achieve your dream? Are you currently looking for a job or studying or so?”

“Right now, I’m focusing in practicing with the crew, as much as I can. We’ve been working hard for several performances” – he sighed – “Although for some of the members this is a hobby, since most of them have other flexible part-time jobs in the industry, for me it’s something I do full time. I was finishing high school when we started the dance crew. At that time, I immediately decided to use this experience as a way of enriching my CV, so University could come later on. I think I made a good choice, we’ve received many invitations to be backup dancers and we’ve been to many shows… Also, the recognition we received beat our expectations” - Yugyeom paused for a while, measuring his next words – “But yes, I will be enrolling in University next year. I think it’s time now to get a certification. I’ll probably have different opportunities as well and different offers. We’ll see.” – Yugyeom sticked his tongue out.

Jinyoung hummed – “It’s good that you think of it… And I can see clearly that this has been a rich and fulfilling experience. Maybe you’ll still can stay together even being busier.”

“Maybe…”

“Haven’t you as a group or individually ever received a contract offer from agencies or so?”

Yugyeom smiled lightly - “As a group, a few, but our needs didn’t match theirs. And no, I haven’t received any individual contract so far. I think it is still early, there is so much I have yet to do and I have plenty of time. One step at a time!”

Jinyoung started thinking about his own situation, already concerned and feeling hopeless. Yugyeom had still plenty of time to work on his dream… He had already so much experience and he could only imagine how many chances were awaiting him. Jinyoung felt that in his case he was getting too old to reach his own dream.

However, Yugyeom was too clever. He read into Jinyoung’s silence. As he always did.

“You also have plenty of time, you know? It’s not too late for an actor. It will never be.” – As he said this, an idea struck the younger’s mind – “Wait a second!” - he suddenly stood up and left the living room, while Jinyoung was left muddled. “How the fuck does that guy even…”

A few moments later he returned with his laptop. Jinyoung sat up, staring at him with a questioning face and Yugyeom sat next to him.

“We are going to look for audition opportunities for you. My dad has in here… some websites… Let me check!” – he was attentively looking at the laptop’s screen.

Jinyoung froze - “What, now? I’m not feeling good, Yug…”

“No, no! We are doing this! Don’t worry, I’ll read out loud the role and series’ description and you just need to say “interested” or “not interested”. I’ll organize a list of interesting roles for you. Oh, by the way, don’t forget to film your demo reel afterwards.”

“Urgh…” – Jinyoung growled, covering his face with the blanket. He had to film a reel, get people to help him out with that and taking him headshots, prepare his own website and organize his CV to send before even attending an audition. There was a lot yet to do. His head wasn’t helping at that moment.

“Don’t overthink it for now, hyung. Let’s focus on picking what you find interesting” – Yugyeom was more excited than Jinyoung. How could that brat be that stubborn – but at the same time too caring?

They spent about 2 hours discussing several roles. A murderer at a drama, young fisherman that was incriminated and ended up in jail, some very sick cousin of the main character that had barely any meaning in the movie.

No, no and no. Jinyoung was aware he had to start with small roles, but those were not appealing to him. Each story was far from being captivating.

“What about this one?” – asked Yugyeom, without giving up.

It was a criminal series. The role was regarding a rebellious young boy caught by the police as a suspect who refused to say a thing about an accident he witnessed.

As Jinyoung listened to Yugyeom describing the series, he seemed pretty much interested. He was confident with his acting of a spoiled kid. Plus, if it involved being sarcastic then Jinyoung was the perfect fit for the role.

“That one seems interesting, Yugyeom. Take note of it!”

Yugyeom collected all the information. They discussed a few more roles, but only one more entered the list. “Two roles, two auditions. Let’s give it a try” – those were Jinyoung’s thoughts.

The world of casting was hard. One thing the theater club manager always worried to tell Jinyoung and the rest of the students back in high school was not to think about whether they would receive an answer after an audition or not. They could eventually receive it in 24 hours, in a year or never. So Jinyoung’s mindset was already prepared for that.

“Oh shit” – Jinyoung suddenly went out of the leaving room at the speed of light when he remembered he had left his phone on the kitchen table, _in silent_ mode. Yugyeom grinned amused staring at the apprehensive boy. His thoughts were clear, Jinyoung was too adorable when caught off guard. Under normal circumstances he would put up his serious and unwavering mask, but deep inside there was a sensitive, soft-hearted and a light silly side of him that, somehow, captivated Yugyeom – _if he deserved to feel that good around Jinyoung? He felt probably not._

After what happened – _because something happened_ – Yugyeom didn’t believe he deserved to feel those emotions towards someone.

His smile faded away while he lowered his head. Unlocking his phone, Yugyeom checked that one text message he had receive a few months ago for the umpteenth time. Because reading it only once wasn’t enough. It would never be.

 ~

 

He sighed. 3 missed calls from JB. 5 from his father. The latter knew he would be with Yugyeom and the guys but wasn’t expecting him to spend the night away from home. The lack of response definitely made them feel unsettled.

“They’re probably thinking I was held hostage or murdered, urgh”. Jinyoung exhaled deeply, and called them, one at a time, back.


	4. Hidden sorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "For the first time in Jinyoung’s life, he was willing to stick his neck out for someone, as he was gradually falling for Yugyeom.
> 
> Although he couldn’t.  
> Even though he shouldn’t."

For a whole week a lot was done. Jinyoung managed to create small scripts for his demo reel so he could later on start filming it with the support of Dongil, Yugyeom and Jackson – he couldn’t quite understand why Jackson always craved to be around, he purely self-invited himself for the occasion and equally decided he would be acting with Jinyoung as a supportive role.

It had been Yugyeom’s idea to ask Dongil for help, since he was skilled in filming – he was the one in their crew who owned and prepared all the equipment for their dance practice filming – so the instructions he gave to Jinyoung were very precise. He even took some of his time to check the script which the amateur actor had created in order to provide him with some suggestions.

“You punk, I’m talking to you! Why aren’t you answering?!” – Jackson Wang was so consumed in his policeman character by the time he punched the table in front of him that Yugyeom had the urge to turn his back on them, as he was next the cameraman Dongil, to hide his laughing face. Jackson wasn’t bad at acting, at all, he simply added too much intensity to his gestures. The camera wouldn’t point directly to him, since the video had to focus on the lead character, so every facial expression Jinyoung made counted. He acted insolently, a trace of scorn in his eyes, kind of downgrading the policeman. Even though Yugyeom was stifling a laugh, he couldn’t avoid to take a look back just to check Jinyoung’s facial expressions.

“If it’s to look at your hideous face I’d rather die in jail right now” – Jinyoung was playing impressively with his eyebrows and mouth grimaces, which would tell a lot about his talent to any casting director.

Jackson suddenly flipped the table over, which Yugyeom wasn’t even expecting as being part of the acting, he had to get farther away to allow himself to let out some squeaks of laughter. The flip of the table didn’t even shock Jinyoung a bit. He would just laugh it off mockingly, starting to tease the policeman.

“I don’t know where that person is, nor why they did whatever they did. Like I told you right in your ugly face before, I’m not going to say any other word until I have – my – lawyer – present.” – he punctuated each word presumptuously.

When the filming for that scene was finally over, they moved on to prepare for the next two different scenarios.

“Look, Kim Yugyeom, I saw you turning your back on me. You dare mocking me?! I practiced hard at home to help here our friend! Do you think you can do better? Show it, you go! Come on!” – Jackson was highly offended with Yugyeom.

“Look on the bright side… At least I was considerate and didn’t laugh right in your face…”

“Right in his ugly face, you mean” – Jinyoung added amused.

“Where is the freaking table so I can flip it over you, now?!” – Yugyeom and Jinyoung laughed at Jackson’s answer. – “I thought we were friends.”

Jinyoung patted Jackson’s head in a gesture of consolation - “It’s ok, you’ll get through this…”.

“Sure I will, my face is just fine, flawless, even. Every girl I hang out with tell me so.” – Jackson threw them a conceited glare.

“The only blind girl here is Jessica, isn’t it? She should see how sweet and caring you are, but she’s not easy like the others, ain’t I right?” – the youngest was teasing him because he clearly knew how Jackson had a crush on her. Jinyoung wasn’t aware of it, so he kind of stepped back from the conversation.

“That’s damn right!! She… Wait…” - exposed. Jackson realized he had blurted out words he didn’t really intend to say - at least not out loud, and at least not to Yugyeom nor any of the dance crew members - and tried to fix his mistake. “Excuse me? Why would I want to hear her opinion on this?!”

Yugyeom snorted a laugh, wrapped his arm around Jackson’s shoulder and retorted: - “Right, broken-hearted Jackson Wang, keep pretending you don’t care. Girls like her won’t even give a second look at guys who act like they don’t give a damn. But no big deal, as Jinyoung hyung said, you’ll get through this” – Jackson squinted his eyes at Yugyeom and started counting. This meant it was time for Yugyeom to flee towards safety, which he eventually did, before being chased out by Jackson, who took one of his own shoes out to throw at the younger, playfully.

When they finally finished with all the filming, Jinyoung barely had words to thank them for the help, so the interesting idea of giving a ride to Yugyeom home was the best way he found to show his appreciation. Yugyeom chose the playlist for their trip back home.

“I’m sooo looking forward to watch the final result of your reel!! Are you nervous?” – the younger boy asked, focusing his bright eyes on Jinyoung who tried to hide his anticipation.

“A bit…”

“You were exceptional, I think it will come out just fine!” – Yugyeom was grinning widely at Jinyoung, who avoided to face the other’s gaze. – “Oh and Dongil offered to help you with the editions!”

“I still don’t know how to thank him enough… and I was not _that_ great, but thank you.”

“You were great and you can do this! If not now, you’ll make it soon. Just keep up with the hard work and never give up!”

At that moment, for the 4th time in a row, a Chris Brown’s song was playing, while Yugyeom sang along with it. An annoyed Jinyoung grumbled - “Again?!”

“Chris Brown songs are my thing, I thought you knew it already!” – and kept excitedly singing to it, which earned a little - but stubborn in showing up – smile on Jinyoung’s lips: - “I know, I know… I just thought you could have a bigger diversity there”.

He could have avoided looking at Yugyeom next to him, but he didn’t. He sneaked several peeks at the boy singing and dancing lightheartedly to his favorite artist – within his limitations – not even realizing his own grin getting wider, until Yugyeom ultimately noticed him. Jinyoung’s heart stopped for a second, and he forced a frown. What was wrong with him? Why was he all of a sudden being soft? Heart racing and shit was something he wasn’t used to nor would he see the reason for that – _at least_ _for the time being_ – so, was he sick?

The younger grinned as well and spent the rest of their time together trying to make Jinyoung join the fun of dancing to Chris Brown’s songs.

~

 

When Jaebum paid Jinyoung a small visit on the next morning, to catch up on the news, and the latter decided to ask his old friend to take some headshots of him, he was left confused.

“What are those for?” – JB had his legs stretched out on the footrest in Jinyoung’s living room.

“You know, people need to keep taking headshots for their CVs and stuff…”

“You took new ones about three months ago. Your hairstyle is the same, nothing changed in you, why do you need to take new ones?”

How the hell did he remember the last time he took those headshots? It wasn’t JB who took them! Jinyoung merely mentioned! He wasn’t expecting the other would remember, so there was no choice left than to tell him exactly what those were for – however, of course, not mentioning once that it was all  thanks to Yugyeom’s encouragement.

“I thought you had given up on that already.” – Jaebum was surprised with what he was hearing, but highly pleased for him – “I’m glad you didn’t, it would have been a waste!”

“I think I should give it a try, right? It doesn’t hurt…”

“Yeah, why not? Believe me, I totally support you on this! By the way…” - he paused – “Does your father know about this?”

“He doesn’t. I’m not telling him. Not now…” – Jinyoung threw a begging glance at Jaebum, which was well  perceived by the other.

“No worries. Just follow your dream! I envy you, you are really brave, though I’m not surprised, you’re Park Jinyoung.” – Jaebum grinned at Jinyoung – “I think I should challenge myself and my father as well, but I guess there’s a _slight_ difference between my father and yours” – Jaebum’s smile turned sadder at the thought.

“Have you talked to him yet?”

“What am I supposed to say? That I want to leave home and his business for good? Oh, and pursue a photography career?” – JB’s tone of voice was hopeless.

“Why not? He’s your father… Though he’s strict, he cherishes you. I think he would get it.”

“He would burn my camera and throw the ashes in my face. Luckily, I wouldn’t be set on fire along with it.” – he shook his head – “Plus, I still want this mission to finish, before anything else…” - He looked at Jinyoung as if sending a clear message – “You know what I mean.”

Jinyoung swallowed hard “Great, he’s passing me the buck for his freedom”.

“Uh-huh” – he nodded. He knew exactly what the older meant.

Jaebum spent the rest of the morning helping his old friend with all his might and made sure to tell him that any dream Jinyoung had, he would support him. So he kept complimenting him, showing how proud - and completely drooling over him – he was. Jinyoung’s final step was to send his video reel, headshots and CV incorporated in his own website to the casting emails for both roles.

So when Jinyoung was ultimately freed from all the demo reel stress and other pending works, another week passed by and he was finally able to take some time for himself – or so he thought.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

There was nothing that bothered Jinyoung more than going out to take photos by himself and it started pouring rain. Despite having taken a few good snaps until then, he wasn’t completely satisfied. After two weeks of hard work preparing for his future acting career, when he finally was trying to relax a bit by developing his photographic techniques, there he was being rewarded with a shitty weather. “It’s Karma” - he thought – “I messed up with the Gods, that’s the only plausible explanation for this.”

He hurried to get shelter under some bridge, when he heard the sound of a notification coming from his phone.

“Mobile data turned on, oh great, that’s what I needed  now, more waste…” - Jinyoung took a closer look at the screen. The notification indicated he had received an email from castingdirection@universalseries.com. His heart was about to jump out of his chest. He could read the words “selected”, “audition”, “next Monday”, “lines attached”.

Jinyoung was dumbfounded and extremely excited at the same time. “They accepted my application?! What? Me? Park Jinyoung? Impossible!” he was in utter shock. The young man hadn’t received any reply yet from the other company, but it didn’t matter anyway. Jinyoung took out a small notebook from his backpack, jotted down the date and time for the audition and realized he only had 4 days to study the script and memorize his lines for the audition. “I will make it” – he thought, confidence growing in himself – _he had to_.

At that moment, only one thing crossed his mind.

“Hey! Guess what… I’m in. One of the casting agencies accepted my application! You are the best!!!”

Jinyoung sent the text message by mistake to Jaebum. Force of habit, perhaps?

“Fuck, fuck and fuck.” – he narrowly didn’t send the message adding “Yugyeommie” at the end. Luckily, he had frowned upon that idea and took his name out in the last minute. He just prayed thanking whatever God there was up there for having made him omit Yugyeom’s name – _those Gods were really fighting over Jinyoung’s happiness on that day_. He later on sent the same message, this time making sure to add Yugyeommie _and_ send it to the right person.

JB: “I only took some headshots… The merit was all yours. But thanks, I feel very special ;) so proud of my Jinyoungie ^^”

Yugyeom: “Me? What did I do? You were the one killing it in the demo reel! Congraaats, hyung!”

“What did you do?!” Jinyoung repeated what he read out loud. If it weren’t for Yugyeom, he would have never gained the encouragement to search for auditions, if it weren’t for him he wouldn’t have filmed the reel with the other two guys, if it weren’t for him… he wouldn’t be that willing to keep fighting for a dream he thought was long lost.

As for Jaebum, he was glad the answer turned out alright. If he told him that everything he achieved so far had Yugyeom’s hands in it, he would be accused of mixing personal and work matters. Jinyoung didn’t want to think about the answers for the thousands of questions JB would ask. He wasn’t ready. Plus, like it or not, that mission had required him to mix those matters for the sake of it being succeeded. As he was getting closer to Yugyeom, something was telling him, almost forcing him, to stop right away with all of it, to stay back from him, while the opposite side was convincing him to keep going and not to fear anything.

And yet, he feared. He simply didn’t know what he was scared of the most:

\- If of getting too close for comfort with Yugyeom;

\- If of not wanting to know the eventual involvement of the younger boy in Soohyun’s case;

\- Or if of not wanting Yugyeom to find out about the fact that **he** was assigned to **that** specific mission.

*Beep* Another message arrived.

JB: “After the success of your audition, we should celebrate ^^”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Jinyoung was a bit disappointed with his audition. He felt he didn’t give his best. Probably because one of the three people who evaluated him was too cold to even reveal an expression – he was the hardest to please among them, probably because he was the casting director. Rarely ever, during that day, did he move a muscle as a reaction to the candidates’ acting. But Jinyoung insisted that it was his (self-inflicted) responsibility, and now he barely remembered the reaction of the other two. He was just too nervous about it.

Yugyeom had offered to go with him and wait for him as long as he needed, but Jinyoung refused his presence – it would probably make things worse. The younger boy was kind of upset for the rejection, but ultimately gave in to his wish.

Now Jinyoung regretted having turned him down. If Yugyeom were there with him, he would be blurting out anything that crossed his mind. He would have been so entertaining.

But the taller boy wasn’t there, so Jinyoung decided to drive to the archery club in the town to relax for a while, especially because he remembered having put his bow and arrows in the trunk of the car, a few weeks before.

The entrance for the archery club was packed with people, and Jinyoung was about to turn around back to the car with his equipment, when he heard his name being shouted.

“Jinyoung!!” – he turned back to see Jackson running to him and – _oh no_ \- Yugyeom following behind.

“What are you doing here Mr. Park?” – Jackson looked suspiciously at him, then at Yugyeom, with an inquisitive face, as if he could possibly know what Jinyoung was doing there.

“The same as you. I’ve been practicing archery. For a long time.” – Jinyoung admitted.

Jackson gasped. - “What?! You never told us! I tried it last year and I’ve been addicted to it!! Why on earth haven’t I seen you around here?!”

“I normally come in the morning.”

That said it all, because Jackson wasn’t really a morning kind of guy. – “Oh, that explains a lot. I usually come in the evening! Today I brought Yugyeom to try it with me and we were… AH!” – he faced Yugyeom, then Jinyoung again – “He told me you were going to an audition so he had nothing to do! Then… What are you doing here? You lied?!” – Jackson blinked out of confusion. – “Why would you do that do Gyeomie?”

Jinyoung felt sorry, but tried to explain in a rush: “No, I didn’t lie!  I just…”

Frowning at the younger, Jackson interrupted: “What did you do, Yugyeom? Don’t tell me you stole again someone else’s bar of chocolate…”

“I didn’t do anything?!” – the younger seemed frustrated.

“Wait! I just left the audition and I thought I needed to clear my head, so I came…”

“You could have sent me a message, hyung…” – the disappointed tone and the slight pout in Yugyeom’s expression weren’t really helpful to Jinyoung’s sense of guilt.

“I didn’t even look at my phone from the audition until here… I’m...” – No? Why would he have to apologize or give him any explanations?! – “I was upset. It’s just that it didn’t go as I predicted. I suppose it wasn’t bad, some of those people showed good reactions, but… URGH the casting director was so expressionless, I bet he was screaming internally «you suck, leave right now»”. – He looked at those Yugyeom’s puppy eyes, frustrated.

“Here we go again. Cut it out! The rest of people are professionals as well, they recognize talent from afar! If you had been awful they would have told you _and shown it_ already. I bet you were superb.” – Jackson was firm in his statement and then quickly added – “Now. You wanna join us?”

“Ok… Thanks…” – Jinyoung threw an apologizing look at Yugyeom who was still sulking. – “Can I really join you?”

“Are you seriously still asking for permission?” – Jackson rolled his eyes. - “Let’s goooo! Ah! And don’t you dare mentioning anymore how lacking you are because we know you’re good!” – Jackson started walking away with the younger following behind, however, Jinyoung pulled slightly Yugyeom’s jacket sleeve and promised “Hey, I’ll pay you a coffee afterwards”.

“A coffee?” – the reply was relentless.

“A full meal.”

“Dessert included?”

Jinyoung sighed, abiding to his request. – “Yeah…”

The small promise was enough for the younger’s face to light up into a wide grin.

~ 

 

The first shot went straight to the 9-ring, pretty much closer to the 10-ring, as Jinyoung showed Yugyeom and Jackson how true pros played.

“Wow! You narrowly didn’t hit the center of the target!” – a boastful smile appeared on Jinyoung’s face as he turned back to both Yugyeom, who had just spoke to him, and Jackson, who stared at him challengingly.

“Years of practice… I just scored only 9 points now because I haven’t practiced for a while. Wait for my next shots.”

“My turn. Time to beat you” – Jackson’s competitive side was speaking very loud, so when he shot an arrow and it scored 9 points, he groaned in frustration, especially because it was too close from the 8-ring.

“That’s also very good, hyung!!” – Yugyeom was very surprised, while Jinyoung smiled conceitedly at Jackson.

“I wonder if this is what you call beating me…” – Jinyoung laughed and Jackson hid his slight amusing and retorted smile.

“We still have several hours until I show you how good I am”. – he grabbed another arrow, focused on the aim and hit the 10-ring.

“Yeaah bro!” - Yugyeom widened his eyes, an approving expression on his face while clapping his hands and went to Jackson to high five him.

Jinyoung furrowed his eyebrows, although visibly surprised, shaking lightly his head.

His next turn was not quite how he had expected. He hit the 8-ring.

“Uhhhhh Jinyoungie is shaking in his boots right now. Look at him Yugyeom, shakiiiing” – Jackson teased, and Jinyoung exhaled impatiently. He was supposed to be showing Yugyeom how this was played and he was being beaten by this Jackson Wang who had been in archery for solely one year!

Yugyeom was chuckling, but kept cheering Jinyoung up. At some point, the youngest took off his jacket in a rush and held his borrowed bow and an arrow in his hands to give it a try, but Jinyoung stopped him first. - “Wait! Remove any sort of jewelry you have, please, it’s not safe to wear them when you’re practicing”.

Yugyeom pouted as a reaction to the order but eventually obeyed, taking off his earrings. - “Secondly, you need to use at least armguards to avoid possible bruises. These are basic safety principles for beginners. Then do it as I have just demonstrated” – Jinyoung was delighted to show his knowledge and skills to the taller guy.

“Do it as I did instead. An 8 doesn’t beat an almost perfect 10” – Jackson whispered, winking at Yugyeom.

Jinyoung was feeling already the irritation grow in him, but controlled  himself when Yugyeom looked at him endearingly.

On his first try, he hit the 6-ring.

“You just need to focus a bit more on the muscles you must use to shoot. Hold the bow firmly! It will help.” – Jinyoung replied, gripping Yugyeom’s arm tightly in order to point out the muscle he should focus on for his second try. Jinyoung thought that, for some reason, the younger had lost all the focus as he touched him. Yugyeom then made the effort to regain concentration in the aim _and_ in the muscle that the other, with his warm, soft hand, had pressed.

“Just let the arrow free now and it’s perfect” – Jackson completed.

“Good! Very good Yugyeom!” – Jinyoung applauded the shot after the other’s shot. – “You scored an 8, you’re basically there!”

 Yugyeom smiled in satisfaction at his shot, dancing in celebration.

“He probably beat yours, already! You’re done, Park.” – Jackson began to run towards somewhere far away as soon as he caught the sight of Jinyoung pointing an arrow at him.

“Say that again?” – Jinyoung had one of his eyes shut to help him aiming at his target. -  “Yugyeom, you decide, do I aim at between his legs or at his head?”

Yugyeom was amused at the sight of Jackson trying to reach a hiding place, as Jinyoung followed him with the bow and arrow in position.

“Between his legs sounds fun”. - Jinyoung chuckled at the remark, turned his back on Jackson and shot directly in the X-ring of their target.

For the rest of their moment of fun, Jinyoung proved to be the pro: he hit the X-ring several more times – in a row –  while Jackson hit the 8/9/10 rings. No X for Jackson Wang. Yugyeom was still inexperienced, but still manage to never miss the target board, hitting above the 5-ring.

Jinyoung threw a playful smug glance at Jackson, and the latter finally admitted – _honestly speaking, he knew it since the beginning_ \- how extraordinary the other was, as they shook hands.

“Let’s meet up here more often, Jinyoung! It’s so much more entertaining when we are with friends!”

“Are you counting me in?” – Yugyeom threw him a sidelong glance.

“Subscribe to the club and then we’ll talk about it! You’re here just as a visitor, I can’t pay for you every single time you come!”

They were heading to a coffee shop nearby the archery club in order to eat something, when Jackson caught a glimpse of his most recent ex-girlfriend. There he was, already into the storytelling of one of his greatest life adventures of when he dated her, when they were already served food at a table.

“From every girlfriend I’ve ever had, this one was the worst! Seeing me out there by myself, without having invited her to hang out, was a complete sin for her! I reached the point to ask Mark to go buy me condoms, otherwise she would 100% surely accuse me of cheating on her.”

“Did she accuse you of that?!” – Yugyeom asked, creeped out - while enjoying the hamburger Jinyoung was going pay for.

“She did. Once. I told her it was for us but she was like «if that was the case, you would have invited me to go along». That girl gives me the creeps.”

“I’m not really surprised, though. You always had girlfriends like that…” – Yugyeom responded amused, while Jackson was lifting his ham sandwich to his mouth – “Maybe Jessica is like that as well” - he completed, pretending to be shocked. Jinyoung, who was next to them merely listening, snorted a laugh.

Jackson almost spit out the whole piece of bread he had just brought into his mouth, after choking on it. He blinked his eyes rapidly, shocked - “Do you think she is?”

“Who knows?” – Yugyeom shrugged his shoulders, and Jackson was now reflecting on that possibility and for quite some time.

“I thought you had made it clear you didn’t mind about her?” – the youngest tried to provoke him.

“I… don’t? Yeah, I don’t. What are you even talking about?” - Jackson grimaced and went back to eating his sandwich.

“Tsssss… Look at you, playing dumb. You can’t fool us, hyung. Just face the truth, admit that you like her and wanna date her and we’re ok! We’re fine! We can help you! We can even buy condoms for you, if you want!”

Jinyoung burst out laughing. Jackson looked at Yugyeom with a stiff face and then he smirked.

“Two guys buying solely one pack of condoms together sounds interesting.”

It was Yugyeom’s turn to choke on his food. Jinyoung remained in silence.

Jackson wisely and successfully escaped the confrontation. When he noticed Yugyeom was about to reply something else – once again about Jessica – he turned to Jinyoung, trying to take some information about his love life out of him, mouth full of bread.

“Isn’t our friend’s romantic life more interesting? Hein, Jinyoungie?” – he elbowed the other’s arm. - “Talk about your ex-girlfriends, how many? When was the last one? Who’s the current one? I don’t believe you don’t have one… Or maybe I do, you’re annoying at times!”.

Jinyoung frowned - “Don’t drag me into that topic, I have nothing to say!”

“Woooo maybe there’s someone! Tell us!” – the teasing was too forced, but Jackson really wanted to escape from Yugyeom’s accusations. Yugyeom looked at both of them with a vague smile.

In fact, concerning Jinyoung’s love life, he hadn’t had that many relationships. Although he had dated two different girls in his early teens – and even having a bunch of mid and high school girls following him around confessing their love for him - he quickly learned that _girls in general_ were not exactly his type. After this sudden realization, Jinyoung got involved with a friend with whom he had sword fights - and some more creative stuff - once in a while. However, nothing to the point where things actually _went deeper_. A 16 year-old boy like him would have established his own limits, of course. That’s probably why their _friendship_ didn’t go any further, anyways.

Jaebum was definitely the last guy he had a thing with – for only a night – and after their _indecent_ behavior – which resulted in JB taking a bad beating - all those years before, Jinyoung didn’t care anymore about having other relationships, unlike Jaebum, who kept dating _only_ girls and boasting about his doings and all his sexual knowledge to anyone – in his mind, he had something to _prove_ to his father. Not that it would make any difference: he still liked Jinyoung.

“Just… a normal romantic life. Period.”

“Ok, I get it. You don’t want to specify anything nor tell us any story. Ok! Fine! We won’t force you into telling us anything… However!” – Jackson threw a mischievous look at the younger boy – “Yugyeom dated someone a few years ago, but hasn’t told me anything since then! Do you believe I FOUND OUT about it by myself? Unbelievable, right?!” – Jackson snorted his disapproval. Yugyeom just kept eating his meal. Noticing how indifferent the other seemed to be, Jackson continued.

“That relationship was too long ago, bro! 3? 4 years? How was _he_ called again? Something like B… Bamb… ? Aaaah!” – he groaned out of pain as Yugyeom kicked his shin under the table. He shot a sharp glare at Jackson, who realized that probably Jinyoung didn’t know about Yugyeom’s preferences – let’s be precise and call it bisexuality.

Jinyoung didn’t ask. He didn’t care. Actually he did, but he pretended not having heard the masculine subject in Jackson’s sentence. “He? Who was he? Bam who? For how long?” His inner voice was annoying.

As for Yugyeom’s romantic life, before he started focusing on dancing he had a boyfriend around the age of 15. They had been together for two complete years, and the level of intimacy was high, mainly because they were best friends before realizing things were getting serious. In addition, they had plenty of time to discover _themselves together_.

The relationship didn’t last much more than that period of time, as the other eventually went back to his homeland, Thailand, stating that “Yugyeom had been the _best friend_ he had ever asked for”. The fact that a long distance relationship had been put aside by his ex-lover, left Yugyeom heartbroken for quite some time. After Bambam – as his ex-boyfriend was called – exited his life, Yugyeom’s mindset was one of focusing on his own dreams and future career, which allowed him to gain more confidence in himself. As confidence grew, so the ladies interest would also grow, as Jackson liked to state. It was believed that even afterwards, Yugyeom may have had some other relationship(s). In the end, Yugyeom was full of secrets, so nobody really knew anything.

“Anyway! He must have dated some girls in the past few years, but apparently I’m not his best mate anymore, so he won’t tell me anything. What a shame.” – he paused for a moment and remembered something and whispered – “Hey… Yugy, was she…?” – Jackson’s eyes showed concern and some kind of an upsetting expression.

Their conversation – fortunately for Yugyeom – was interrupted by a phone call Jackson received.

“Just a moment gentlemen” – he stood up and walked away to pick up the phone.

“Was she who?” - the question was twisting now in Jinyoung’s mind. – “Would it be…?”

Yugyeom had to quickly say something, before an awkward silence came up or before Jinyoung could say anything regarding what they had just been talking about.

“When were you expecting to tell me about this secret of yours?”

Jinyoung was confused for a moment. - “You’re a pro in archery” – Yugyeom completed.

“Ah! One has to keep some mysteries for himself. Don’t you have your own dark secrets as well??”

Yugyeom laughed weakly. - “This is the darkest secret you have? Weak…”.

Jinyoung punched lightly Yugyeom’s shoulder - “You…” - but remained quiet because something was definitely off. The unsettled expression on Yugyeom’s face was alarming. As Yugyeom answered an “uhm” in a whisper to Jinyoung, the latter couldn’t help replying:

“If you have something bothering, feel free to get it off your chest. I can listen to you” - The older was being sincere.

Yugyeom smiled dismally, looking back at him. - “I’m just feeling a bit down, but I will be ok, thank you, hyung”.

“Guys, there was an unforeseen event, I really must go! I can’t take you home, Gyeomie! I’m sorry!” – Jackson came in a rush to them, interrupting Jinyoung’s attempt of replying to Yugyeom.

“I can take him home” – Jinyoung offered. Jackson hugged him on a whim.

“Thank you so much! I owe both of you a beer, or a coffee, hot chocolate, whatever! See you guys later!” – and he immediately left.

~ 

 

There was a dead silence as they were finally in the car, with Jinyoung about to drive the younger home, and he hated it. He wasn’t sure of what to do. Yugyeom had been too quiet to even be considered normal behavior, and Jinyoung was getting even more apprehensive. His hand reached, somewhat involuntarily, Yugyeom’s thigh. The younger’s heart bounced around for a few seconds in his chest.

“It’s ok” – Jinyoung caressed the younger’s thigh – “The more you think of it without letting it out, the worse. I’m here…”.

Yugyeom caught a glimpse of Jinyoung’s hand, which was laying on his leg slightly touching his own hand that had been laying on his lap, and looked up again straight to the older’s face. There was so much to say, though too many things he was ashamed of. Would the person right in front of him even dare to look at him ever again if he knew about it all?

Yugyeom’s hand trembled, and he averted his gaze from Jinyoung. The older noticed.

“Do you want to listen to some music?” – Jinyoung quickly played one of Yugyeom’s favorite songs and himself started softly singing. He was making up crazy lyrics, and Yugyeom’s face scrunched into an slightly amused cringe. He was gradually showing a smile, when Jinyoung started dancing. At that point, Yugyeom couldn’t help a wider smile, while showing a hint of fear for his own life because of how hyped up the other was.

“You’re going to kill us if you keep doing those moves”

“I’m God, I won’t allow you to visit heaven this early”

“At this rate, I’ll only get to know hell” - Yugyeom mumbled, shaking his head.

Jinyoung’s lips widened in a soft but beautiful smile, showing all his teeth, with a pure eye smile shining so brightly that Yugyeom had almost forgotten how to breathe.

“Why are you like this, Park Jinyoung…? Why… do you make me so happy?” those were simple thoughts that threatened to shift into words. Yugyeom shut his eyes closed, leaning his head against the car seat’s headrest. He was smiling and humming to the playing song, while his heart took some time to treasure the moment, forgetting temporarily about that _something_. – “Why…”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Any recommendations for campgrounds?” – Jinyoung asked JB a few days later, as his friend went to his home, once again, at his father’s request.

The mullet boy lift a brow. – “You’re so random sometimes” – then he threw a smirk. - “Do you want to camp with me, is that it?” – his hopeful look making Jinyoung feel a bit strained.

“Maybe next time, hyung. I have work to do for this latest client, I need to find good nature spots and snap a set of panoramic and macro photos.”

“You could do that along with me” – Jaebum replied slightly grumpy - “Aren’t you aware of how much of a help I would be in these kind of works?”

Jinyoung sighed – “I know, hyung, really, but I’ve been surrounded by people every single day, being by myself will be a breath of fresh air” – then he promised – “But next time I’ll call you, ok? We’ll go for it as soon I get the time!” – which somehow was enough to satisfy JB.

“Yeah, the best time will be when we finish solving Soo’s case. We can even travel abroad!” – Jinyoung shivered at Jaebum’s reference to the case.

“Now... Let me see… there's that forest in the East, how was it called?” – Jaebum made an effort to recall the name, but unsuccessfully – “It’s not an official campsite, but if you stay for 2 nights or so, you'll survive. I think it's a good idea to camp in the wild, you’ll get the place all for yourself, hopefully, and collect excellent photos of the view!”

“Uh-huh, I’ll search for good forests to go to then, especially in the East side, perhaps I’ll… Just a second” – his mobile phone suddenly rang as a text message arrived.

Yugyeom: “Any plans for the next days? ^^”

A little smile appeared on Jinyoung’s face.

Jinyoung: “Work, work, work and.. work :(”

JB noticed the other’s facial expressions and looked at him with suspicion - and some jealousy. - “Who was he exchanging messages with?” he wondered.

Jinyoung was getting back to what he was saying before when... Again his phone.

Yugyeom: “That’s too bad. I wanted to do something with you. Then can we hang out later, hyung?”

Jinyoung: “I'll let you know when I'm free!”

Jinyoung stuck his phone in his pocket, deciding to go back to it later, and faced a puzzled JB staring at him. - “Who was that? They took all your attention away.”

Jinyoung felt hot and suddenly a bit nervous - “Work?”

JB revealed a face of utter disbelief – “You liar. Work making you smile like this? Sure…” – he sighed – “If you don’t want to tell me, it’s fine, but don't lie to me. How am I even going to trust you specific missions when you omit stuff like these?!” – Jinyoung gulped nervously, but hiding it at any cost.

“Anyway, I have to go now. I already gave your father what my old man asked me.” – JB stood up ready to go when something crossed his mind. - “Before I leave, concerning that task, is there anything I need to know?”

Jinyoung was expecting a question of that kind. Jaebum was definitely smelling something fishy.

“You know that I always send you a message to update you on this. Me and the suspect have been hanging around sometimes, I told you already he has nothing at home. I’m also meeting with his friends. But there's not much so far. I’ve something in mind, I’m still working on it, but I can’t tell you everything at the moment, I need to keep testing my strategies.”

What a liar. He had _strategies_ , what a joke. Jinyoung could have said so much. How Yugyeom was hiding something, how he was left devastated out of nowhere… But he didn’t. Not because it wouldn’t add anything useful to JB’s needs, but because he couldn't. For now.

Something within him was, almost as if unconsciously, leading him to omit things from Jaebum. He knew his friend better than anyone else. He would make up theories and _evidences_ where they don’t even exist and based on nothing.

At this point, Jinyoung was already convinced that Yugyeom was innocent, although he didn't know what to think about what that informer told Jaebum… “Maybe he isn't? How could that be?”

He knew nothing up until there. What he knew was that he was conquering Yugyeom’s trust. And that was something he didn't want to let go. Not because of JB, but just... because.

“I am supposed to know what kind of strategies you have in mind. Also, I’m expected to give feedback on those same strategies. So why don’t you spill it out?”

“Hyung, I know how to do my work. You should know me well. My only job here is to provide you with concrete information. Let me take my time and don’t pressure me!” – Jinyoung exhaled, tired of it all. - “And please don’t expect this to turn out as you want, I’ll do what it takes to find out the TRUTH, not what you wish to hear.”

Jaebum clicked his tongue, but sighed immediately after, replying in a controlled and remorseful tone – “I know, I’m sorry, I’ve just been too nervous lately.” – he looked Jinyoung in the eyes – “I trust you. Whatever the truth is, I’ll accept it. But I trust my informer as well. Please take what he said into account…”

“No problem, I get it… and I will.”

“Can I hug you?” – the reticent question coming from Jaebum surprised Jinyoung. The latter smiled tenderly. Spreading out his arms, Jinyoung walked up to his friend for a hug.

He didn’t even notice JB’s largest grin of contentment ever when he enveloped his arms around him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Yugyeom deeply inhaled the pure air that enveloped them. They were very far from their city, somewhere nearby one of the biggest national parks they had in the country, but far enough of the main crowded places, in a more wild area, to at least enjoy some peaceful moments. They could still see some more adventurous people walking around that area, but not many would think of camping there. In general, the only disadvantage is that they were likely to encounter small wild animals, but that wasn’t a problem. At least not for Jinyoung.

It was 12am when they arrived, and Jinyoung wanted to set up the tent as fast as possible so he could start walking around to work on the pictures. They were only staying there until the evening of the next day, so he had a very limited time for that.

Two days before Yugyeom had contacted Jinyoung again, to recheck for the umpteenth time in the past few days if he was really going to be that busy working. When Jinyoung blurted out what he was really going to work on and where, he instantly regretted it. Yugyeom ended up begging the older to accompany him camping and promised not to bother him _ever_. He would do anything he wanted if only he could join him.

Jinyoung didn’t have the courage to refuse such begging so he ended up acceding to Yugyeom’s request.

For around an hour they prepared their camping area, ate something and, afterwards, started strolling around the place, Yugyeom bringing his own camera along as well. It wasn’t as good as the older’s, but he didn’t mind. He just wanted to spend a good time walking around.

The younger did as promised, he did not disturb Jinyoung not even once throughout the whole time, following him quietly behind, giving him enough space to capture the essence of the nature that surrounded them.

However, Yugyeom was allowed to talk whenever Jinyoung required him for some assistance, or asked him for some suggestions. Basically, he was there as an assistant, so they were never completely quiet.

At some point, Yugyeom saw the amateur actor looking up at the top of a huge tree. That vision was definitely worth of being captured. He quickly lifted his own camera and took a picture of Jinyoung, who was immersed in his task at hand, trying to figure out how to position for a panoramic photo of those leaves. He was so outstandingly photogenic, that Yugyeom couldn’t help snapping so many more pictures of him.

As Yugyeom observed the other attentively snapping some photos, he recalled the day they first met. He perhaps may had been back to the convenience store on purpose just to see the face that had attracted his attention on the day before, once again, even if he wasn’t sure whether the other would really contact him – _which wasn’t the case, but fate took charge of it_. The only thing that he was completely sure of was that for the following weeks after their encounter, during the intensive practice days for the TV show, the image of that Park Jinyoung human being had never left his mind.

Yugyeom’s wandering mind caused him to stumble on a branch, yelping.

“Careful. Are you ok?” – Jinyoung was in position for capturing his 200th picture of the day, but he was highly aware of Yugyeom’s presence – even though he didn’t turn back to see how the younger was. How wouldn’t he be aware of him? He was even more aware of Yugyeom’s staring eyes and him taking pictures of himself that it was hard to focus at times.

 “All ok!” - Yugyeom was straightening himself up when he sighted something in the distance. - “Oh hyung! There’s a stream over there, can we get closer and rest for a bit?!”

“You were behaving so well…”

“Pleaaase, we’ve been walking for 2 hours, let’s rest! I’ll shut up again afterwards!”

Jinyoung sighed, biting his bottom lip as he observed Yugyeom’s sudden excitement. – “Fine”

~ 

 

“This is… wow” – they reached the stream area and the sight was superior to what they had expected. Yugyeom was amazed at it, and let’s say that Jinyoung was pleasantly surprised as well.

“Did you bring my compass with you as I told you to?” – Jinyoung had actually used their “I’ll do whatever you want” agreement to order Yugyeom around.

“Yes, sir!” – Yugyeom responded.

“Did you memorize our route?”

“Affirmative, sir!”

“And did you bring a bottle of water?”

“Ahm… no… Sir…” – Yugyeom realized he was so dumb for having forgotten such a basic need.

They sat under a tree, in its shade. Although it was late summer, the sun was still strong, and they had been walking under it – whenever they left the forest area - for quite some time.

“I brought mine. Not giving you any” – Jinyoung added the last sentence fast enough to make Yugyeom’s shiny puppy eyes and hopeful grin turn into a pout of disappointment.

Jinyoung teased him by opening his bottle and drinking noisily from it. While at it, the younger stood up and approached the stream to collect some water in his cupped hands.

“Umm!” - Jinyoung quickly gulped down his water - “Don’t drink from there, you don’t know what kind of germs you can pick up from it! What if people pee and take a shit in there?”

“Oh… so now you’re concerned that I’ll pick up germs but refuse to give me some water? Does that even make sense?”

“Yes” – Jinyoung nodded steadily.

Yugyeom blinked rapidly in incredulity, his gaze falling on the water on his hands. With a smirk, he threw it shamelessly at Jinyoung. The older, caught off guard, took some time to reflect on what the other just did. Then he tilted his head and it didn’t take much time until he fought back. The water fight between the two left them soaked, especially Yugyeom, who tripped over some rock, ending up falling in the calm stream. While at it, Jinyoung always avoided to get **too** close from the stream, just enough to get the necessary water. After a while, both were finally sitting by the stream and Yugyeom was finishing Jinyoung’s bottle of water.

“Why did you insist so much on coming?” - the older was leaning back resting on his hands, basking in the sun to get himself dry, legs stretched out and eyes shut, when he asked the question.

 “Why did you finally accept my presence even though you rejected me roughly 10 times?”

Jinyoung opened his eyes and got startled at the proximity of the younger’s face, who had unexpectedly leaned closer to his own.

“Because you wouldn’t stop. And you offered to do anything I wanted to. And I liked that idea.”

“What the real hell, what is wrong with you, Park Jinyoung?” his inner voice bashed him for what he had just blurted out.

Yugyeom lifted an eyebrow and stifled a chuckle, remaining in silence.

“Hey, you didn’t answer my question! Answer me now!”

Yugyeom shook his head amused. - “Because I like to be around you”

The younger’s words resonated in Jinyoung’s head.

“And because I had nothing better to do on this weekend…” – Yugyeom suddenly shifted position.

“Wha... what are you doing?” – Jinyoung’s heart skipped a beat the moment Yugyeom decided to lay his head on the older’s lap and look straight up into his eyes. He then twinkled at Jinyoung and closed his eyes. - “I’m tired, hyung…”

“I’m not a pillow, get out”

“Just for a minute, please…” – the younger’s soft pleading voice weakened Jinyoung’s efforts to push him away - _Where was he going to place his hands now?_ – His eyes instantly roamed over Yugyeom’s face, his dark wet messy hair, his eyes, his relaxed features… he stopped at the younger’s plump lips.

Jinyoung exhaled deeply and let himself lie back on the ground harshly, avoiding ruminating about whatever had been crossing his mind.

They probably stood there for about 10 minutes – much more than the minute requested – when Jinyoung gently reminded Yugyeom he had to continue with his work.

The obedient younger boy behaved patiently until the end.

At night, after each having eaten complete cold sandwiches, which Jinyoung prepared in advance and brought in a small freezer, they turned on a camping light and sat in front of each other talking, inside of the tent. Jinyoung was discussing how a photo should capture the essence and feelings of a certain place and moment, and how he always tried to convey some kind of message, even when doing works for other people.

Yugyeom was naturally listening while Jinyoung was gesturing, highly thrilled with one of his favorite hobbies. The younger couldn’t help smiling as he perfectly knew the feeling of having a passion – like dancing - and they actually ended up comparing both arts.

Their conversation somehow shifted to Yugyeom’s crew members and, finally, to how Jessica seemed to like Jinyoung – a fact pointed out by Yugyeom, as he recalled what happened on the Karaoke night. Even though Jinyoung had had memory loss on the day that followed that party, it was a short-term one. As expected, he would later on remember what had happened and message Yugyeom about it, which obviously started by upsetting the younger. However, his worries were quickly allayed by how Jinyoung approached the issue, so it wasn't much of a big deal for him to mention that topic anymore - maybe talking about it again could give him a new kind of _reassurance_.

“Ahm… she is a nice girl.” - Jinyoung replied reluctant and awkwardly – “She must be mad at me, she hasn’t even tried to contact me again.”

“She’s fine. She’s just too impetuous. A perfect match to Jackson hyung.” – he chuckled in amusement.

“So Jackson really has a crush on her, doesn’t he?”

“Oh sure he does. It was heartbreaking for him to see her interest in you, although he never admitted it”.

Jinyoung coughed to clean his throat - “Why doesn’t he ask her out?” – the question caused Yugyeom to shake his head.

“He asked her once, but she misunderstood him, she thought he was mocking her. Amazing as it might seem, he was actually being serious. Then he regarded it as a rejection, and didn’t even try to make any other move on her ever again. The end.”

“This Jackson persona… never thought he was a quitter!”

“His pride gets the best of him sometimes” – Yugyeom’s eyes found Jinyoung’s and he smiled. Jinyoung smiled back, but suddenly the memory a conversation he once had with Jackson appeared in his mind. Should he ask that to Yugyeom right now? If not now, then when?

“Speaking of Jackson. Yugyeom? I understand if you can’t talk about this, so tell me right away if it’s bothering you!” – he paused, Yugyeom looked surprised but encouraged him to keep going – “I was wondering what happened… Jackson once told me your crew had 8 members before… and that you lost someone.”

Jinyoung felt awful asking it as he did. He felt like the most heinous person on earth. It was predictable that Yugyeom’s joy would abruptly vanish, extinguishing the light in his eyes, but he still said that. How could he be this much insensitive?

Why was he even asking that in the first place? Because of Jaebum? To keep him less frustrated? What for, really? He now regretted having mentioned the topic.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” he quickly added almost as if in panic but Yugyeom reassured him - “It’s okay, hyung”. - There were a few moments of silence before Yugyeom managed to say something.

“She was dealing with a depression…” – that’s all Yugyeom was able to say at first. Jinyoung, who had lowered his head to avoid feeling more apologetic than he already did, looked up at Yugyeom. The other was lost in thought, showing a hint of the hidden agony behind his mask.

He waited a bit for Yugyeom to add anything else, but the younger remained quiet. - “She must have been really important to you…” – Jinyoung’s stomach twisted in a knot. He felt sick, miserable, devastated. Maybe they had been secret lovers as Jaebum suspected, perhaps Yugyeom still loved her…

“She was. We were… very close. And it was all my fault…” – Yugyeom answered, overwhelmed with guilt. He was sitting with his hands supporting the weight of his own body staring through the skylight of the tent to the sky – probably to keep the tears from falling. Jinyoung swallowed hard and patiently waited. Yugyeom’s eyes fell on Jinyoung and the boy lost all his courage to keep going.

“I’m sorry, I can’t…” – some tears started to run down the younger’s face and he quickly tried to hide it but Jinyoung was faster. He leaned on his knees in front of the boy and gently lead his hands towards Yugyeom’s cheeks, cupping them around his face, as he wiped the tears away.

Yugyeom’s watery eyes met Jinyoung’s at that point. They stared closely at each other for a few seconds, the older’s eyes trying to communicate something like “I’m here”. Then, Yugyeom grimaced in sadness leading to more tears flowing down his eyes, over Jinyoung’s warm hands.

Moving closer to the younger’s side, Jinyoung pulled him into his embrace and gently cradled Yugyeom’s head against his neck. When the older rested his chin on the younger’s head and his soft hand stroked his hair, Yugyeom let out a sob.

“It's ok. You don’t need to say anything right now. Tell me when you're ready. I’m here for you.”

Yugyeom had let himself be enveloped in the other’s arms, as he embraced Jinyoung’s torso, gripping his shirt, looking for comfort. He was now sobbing even loudly. The younger’s tears were full of regrets and guilt. All the pain that he had hold back for all those months was gradually being released. In Jinyoung's arms, as he hold him tightly, he felt a sense of security. His vulnerability was no longer at risk. It was in his arms that, by being surrounded by his warmness and pleasant scent, Yugyeom knew for sure he could cry safely.

But he kept blaming himself, for everything – everything that Jinyoung didn’t know - “It was all my fault”.

He wasn’t going to ask why or in what way was Yugyeom feeling responsible for that. He needed time. Time to cry, scream his lungs out and curse. Time to prepare himself and face his pain.

Jinyoung wondered if that wasn’t him finally mourning his loss.

And he was absolutely right. Since what happened that Yugyeom had never been able to let all of his sorrow go away. His tears insisted in being stored somewhere inside of him, for so long. The shock was too big to allow him to cry. Now, he was finally capable of letting his tears out freely.

Jinyoung heard his phone vibrating from inside his backpack, however, he didn’t move a muscle. He remained holding Yugyeom until whenever necessary. If he had to stay up for a whole night, he would.

The only thing Jinyoung wanted was to set the vulnerable boy free from all his anguish. So he wouldn’t suffer that much anymore. He felt helpless and this resulted in his eyes starting to sting with light tears. He shut his eyes closed and involuntarily placed a peck on top of Yugyeom’s head, letting his lips linger there.

After doing so, Jinyoung realized something. He was finally able to see the whole picture without having his stubborn self interfering with his true feelings. His urge to protect the person in his arms significantly increased that night and now he was determined to do something. Jinyoung was going to prove Jaebum that his informer was wrong about Yugyeom. He was wrong about everything. Regardless how much Jaebum trusted that guy with all his guts, he didn’t care. The guy was **wrong**.

For the first time in Jinyoung’s life, he was willing to stick his neck out for someone, as he was gradually falling for Yugyeom.

Although he couldn’t.

Even though he shouldn’t.

 _Or_ maybe he could _and_ should. At the end of the day, it was up to him - and nobody else.

~

 

When Yugyeom was already asleep in his sleeping bag, Jinyoung checked JB’s missed call. He sighed and decided to send him a text message.

“Hey hyung. Fyi, Yugyeom is still affected by what happened to Soohyun. They were very close, I don’t know to what degree, yet. Tbh, I don’t think he did anything wrong, his feelings seem sincere. Let’s talk tomorrow”.

Jinyoung activated the silent mode on his phone and went to rest next to a sleeping Yugyeom by his side. Looking him, seemingly at peace, the whisper of a “Goodnight, Yugyeom” left his lips.

The other was deep asleep already, and the only thing that was popping up in his slumbering mind and dreams was the image of Jinyoung’s beaming smile appeasing his soul from the sorrowful memories he had been forced to dig up.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Hello, good morning. My name is Park Jinyoung and I have the record of a missed call from this number” – Jinyoung had just woken up, it was barely 11am, when he checked his phone. There were 2 missed calls and a text message from JB, plus a call from that specific unknown number. He had understood nothing of what the lady had said to introduce herself in the beginning of the call, but anyway, it was better to start by presenting himself. To avoid waking Yugyeom up, he headed outside the tent.

“Good morning, Mr. Park! This is from Universal Series. We earlier today tried to contact you to inform you of a callback for rebellious teenage boy for the series “48 hours - Crime Scene”. You auditioned for it last week, isn’t that correct?”

Jinyoung widened his eyes open, his heart pumping in his chest. - “It is correct! Absolutely! So, I’m going for a callback, is that it?”

“It is correct!”

“I’m so surprised and very thankful! Then may I ask you what are the next steps?”

“The callback will be tomorrow in the afternoon, at 3 pm. It will take place at the same spot of your previous audition. You may still remember the address, but we’ll send you an email in a few minutes with all these details. Then, do you confirm you are coming?”

“Absolutely! I’ll be there in time! Thank you so much for your contact and for this opportunity!”

The call was soon over and Jinyoung jumped with excitement, hitting the air with his fist. From the tent Yugyeom was peeping through the gap in the tent opening. He had woken up as soon as Jinyoung had left to pick up the phone and he couldn’t hide his pride and supportive look at his delighted camping _friend_. Yugyeom was feeling much better, feeling refreshed, so from the tent he shouted at Jinyoung:

“Should I congratulate you with a kiss on your head?” – Jinyoung’s heart fluttered as he heard the sweet familiar voice coming from a few meters away. He tried to pretend to be annoyed as he thought “Why did that brat come up with that?!”. However, it didn’t work out, because a hint of a flushed smile was clear in Jinyoung’s face when he dared to look at the younger. – Oh well, _screw it._

~

 

Two days had gone by after Jinyoung’s callback, when he received the official news of his acceptance in the role he had applied for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! Long time no see!
> 
> Concerning this chapter, I was wondering whether I should split it into 2, but realized it wouldn’t make any sense to do so. So here you have this huge chapter, almost as big as the first 3 chapters all together. Sorry about that and I hope you haven’t forgotten about the rest of the story. Little details count ;) 
> 
> I was about to give some spoilers about the next chapter, but I won’t. All I can say is that 5 is kinda pre-climax, 6 and 7 TOTAL climax. Don’t know yet whether I’m going to separate these two or not…  
> The last chapter (8) is going to be an EXTRA, it will come out on the same day as the 7th.
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> P.S. Excuse me for anything that may seem off place or any incorrection, I'll reread this for the 3rd time tomorrow to check any mistakes^^ It's very late rn where I live***


	5. The Cabin on the Hill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sweet song was endearing and sounded like a lullaby, while an implied confession was coming out of his lips. Jinyoung’s beautiful voice was telling him that he would hold him in his arms whenever he needed, that he could trust him. He was reassuring Yugyeom he would stay there by his side on those hardest days. That the brightness would come and until then, he would be there embracing him, waiting for the arrival of a new day, as they endured the pain and sorrow together. It was a promise. A promise delivered by the deepest of his feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter can be triggering to some people. Bear in mind that I’ll keep this as a notice for the next few chapters.

“I knew it! I’m so happy for you! You see?! All you need is to work hard and be more optimistic. I told you already, you have so much talent, but you also have such a thick head sometimes. Oh, no, my bad, always?!” - The first thing Jinyoung thought of when he received the ultimate call signaling his entrance into the world of acting was to tell immediately Yugyeom the good news. As always, the latter’s reaction was uplifting, however, Jinyoung always preferred to remain humble – _or perhaps stubborn_.

“Hey you! SHH! You’re lucky I’m not there” – he heard a laugh on the other side and continued – “I guess I was average, but they liked me and that’s it. I’m just some little newbie, I still have a lot to learn”

“There’s still a lot to learn, of course, but you’re my favorite newbie, hyung! The best!” – the older felt a slight burn on his cheeks – “You have no excuses now to not keep looking for further opportunities! I’ve been sending you some by email, have you been checking it out? Don’t be too picky now, try a bit of everything, get out of your comfort zone!”

“I know, I have and I’ve applied to some few auditions now. I’ll get out of my comfort zone, little by little” – Jinyoung couldn’t hide his excitement and nervousness – “I can’t believe this, I really got the role…”

“You did! Look, what about your father? What did he say about this?” – Yugyeom was curious about it, he knew that Jinyoung’s father wasn’t that much receptive of the idea of him wanting to pursue a career in acting. However, he found the silent reply odd – “Hyung?”

“He doesn’t know about it, I don’t think he will welcome the idea and it’s better not to even mention it. For now.”

“Oh… Is he that much conservative?”

“Yeap. I think I’ve told you before, but ideally, he wants me to be a businessman. He’s even been offering me to pay for vocational training courses.” – Jinyoung was lucky that he had been busy helping Minhyuk’s gang out, otherwise his father would have already forced him to attend one of those courses. But even so, he had lately insisted even more on it - “He doesn’t really understand the entertainment industry. He says they earn millions a year without much effort while there are people wearing themselves out serving others just to earn miserable wages. He made his point very clear and I have no power to go against his words” – the sad reply bothered Yugyeom.

“But…you should be allowed do what you really want and not what others foist on you. Even if he is your father. He should know what makes you happy! And what he said is not true, at all. Many of them work very hard and some aren’t even recognized for their talent. Not every actor earns millions…”

“I know that. But I know him better, he won’t step back from what he believes in. I don’t even have the courage to talk about this with him, again” – Jinyoung realized he really had a lot to discuss with his old man. He couldn’t be hiding that from him forever.

They remained in silence for a moment, as Yugyeom didn’t know what to further say. Then, he had an idea. Honestly, the best idea he could have come across with.

“Are you free this weekend?”

An involuntary sigh left Jinyoung’s mouth - “What are you planning now?”

“Don’t say it like that…” – the disappointment could be heard miles away in Yugyeom’s voice.

Before Jinyoung could think properly about what he was about to reply, he simply assented – “Ok, fine… I’m all yours this weekend”.

He shut his eyes, swearing at himself inside his mind, as he tried to put it in other words – “I mean, I can spare some time for you this Saturday. Just a few hours, you know?” - Yugyeom knew. If only Jinyoung had seen his flushed little smile…

“I want to take you to my favorite place in the world!”

“And where is that?”

“Oh… It’s far. Just bring your swimwear in your backpack.”

Fuck. Jinyoung started sweating nervously. – “Swimwear …?” – he repeated. “From all the places to swim, please don’t let it be the beach” he silently prayed.

“Yeap! You’ll see where I’m taking you later! Then it’s a deal! We’re going by public transportation, alright? It’s thrilling!”

“Ok…..? Then at what time on Saturday?”

“Can you come by my house at 8 am?”

“That early?!” – where were they going? To China?!

“That’s right! Then we’ll head together towards the bus station. I gotta go now, hyung! Don’t forget it! See you!”

“But, wait, about the swimming thing…”

Yugyeom had already hung up the call without letting the older finish his sentence. Jinyoung shook his head smiling mildly “Why am I even giving in to this brat?” then his smile turned into a concerned grimace “Swimming, though…”. As he thought of it, a certain Jaebum person appeared in his mind. Since the day he went camping that he had left his friend’s questions unanswered.

 

“Don’t let me get started with this… what seems isn’t always what is. What are you doing with him anyway? I thought you were tired of people. Call me back when you turn on your phone” – Jinyoung was extremely annoyed by the text he received that he simply replied - “Let’s talk about this later. The next few days will be busy. I’ll call you as soon as I’m free”. Even though, in fact, it was partially true.

As Jinyoung called his friend, a familiar voice from an older man replied on the other side.

“Hello Jinyoung, how are you? This is Minhyuk speaking” – Jaebum’s father answered unexpectedly the phone.

“Oh! Hi Sir! Is… Jaebum hyung around?”

“He’s just arrived. I saw your incoming call on his phone and I actually needed to ask you something. Will you be willing to help me?”

Jinyoung didn’t really want to do it. Minhyuk was assigning him another task, however, the boy didn’t have the courage to refuse. This time, he was supposed to report only to Minhyuk, Jaebum would not be involved in that specific mission, because he had other stuff to deal with and this had – supposedly – nothing to do with the case JB was 100% committed to – his sister’s.

After explaining in general what was needed, he finished their conversation:

“Jaebum will come by your house in an hour to give you the file, ok?”

“Sure Sir. Thank you!”

~

 

Sungsoo, Jinyoung’s father, wasn’t at home when Jaebum arrived. Jinyoung interrupted his ongoing task of tidying up his bedroom to open the entrance door and then went back inside, with JB following behind. They ended up kind of arguing about the camping day, Jaebum sitting on Jinyoung’s bed, after throwing the new task’s file on the other’s desk.

“So…? You finally called me. Are you going to explain to me what you were doing with that guy? You said you wanted to be by yourself. Uh-huh, I can see that.” – his ironic tone displeased Jinyoung, who was taking some old books that were to be discarded out of a shelf. He bet JB had been dwelling on it for the past few days. Jinyoung turned back to directly face his friend.

“Again? Listen, hyung” – Jinyoung pondered on how he could seem 100% convincing – “Didn’t you want me to find out more about Soo? Yeah, I needed some time for myself, I still do, but I also have this mission to finish. What are you complaining about now? He was actually the one to invite himself when I told him I was busy and since you really want to finish this quickly, I accepted! Cut it out!” – Jinyoung replied, biting his tongue. - _Why did he even text him on that day?!_

Jaebum’s actions were out of jealousy, he himself was aware of it, so he nodded, trying to get a grip on himself. - “You’re right, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be acting like this.” – he then looked up in Jinyoung’s eyes – “What did he say?”

Jinyoung didn’t wish to remember. - “He kept blaming himself, and don’t ask me why because he wouldn’t tell. He’s in a great distress because of it” – he then regretted.

“Don’t let yourself fall for fake tears. He was blaming himself? Then something is not right. And that doesn’t work in this guy’s favor”

“What are you talking about? It’s highly likely that it’s because he…”

“If he regrets something, it’s because he has done something definitely wrong. People don’t just go around blaming themselves for no reason.” – Jaebum interrupted, shutting his friend up. He could only think what a stupid logic that was. No, he wasn’t going to discuss that topic any further, he didn’t want to get into an argument with his friend. He knew Jaebum too well. Nevertheless, he was going to prove him wrong, anyway.

“Ok, fine. You know I’ll find out his reason, don’t worry”

“I really trust you on this, Jinyoung, and I understand that you don’t have evidence right now which make you think he’s innocent, but as I told you I trust the person who reported him. I hope you understand my position.”

“Yes, I do” – Jinyoung responded, resigned – “At least may I know who that person is?”

What saved Jaebum from answering was a sudden incoming phone call. Excusing himself, he answered the phone, and while Jinyoung tried not to make much noise opening some drawers, he heard the older talking about some dealings he wasn’t aware of.

“Wait Hyunwoo, just try again around 4 pm. If he doesn’t show up, leave right away. I’ll talk to you later”

That call left Jinyoung intrigued. Where had he heard that name before? It was extremely familiar to his ears, though many people around possibly had that name.

“Who was that?”

Jaebum seemed lost in thought for a moment. - “Just a friend” - then smirked, wiggling his brows at Jinyoung’s expression – “Why? Jealous?”

Jinyoung frowned, shaking his head with an entertained expression on his face - “Just curious. I’ve heard that name somewhere before.”

Jaebum strangely threw a fast-concerned glance at Jinyoung, quickly smiling back afterwards - “There’s an actor with that name”

“Ah! Yeah… but apart from him, I swear I know that name from somewhere”

Jaebum didn’t reply. Jinyoung was trying hard to recall where he had heard of that name, but ended up giving up. “Speaking of actors” – he thought, as it was high time he stopped what he was doing for a while and sit next to Jaebum on the bed to tell him the good news.

“Guess what, I have good news”

“You’re camping with me?!” – Jaebum asked, half-jokingly, half-seriously, leaning closer to his friend.

“Not that. I passed”

A look of confusion crossed his face - “What did you pass? Did you take any exam I wasn’t aware or..?”

“I passed the audition! I was picked for that role. I’m in!”

Jaebum blinked his eyes as if his brain was still loading.

“Wait, are you serious?! YES! You totally deserve it! I knew you’d make it!” – his eyes were sparkling in excitement – “Your father doesn’t know, does he?”

 “No, no, and I won’t tell him anything. At least for now. I will, later on. But I’m just not ready to tell him yet”.

“Yeah… I definitely know the feeling. I wouldn’t tell mine either” – he sighed – “Then when are you starting the shooting?”

 “Only next month. The rehearsals will start in two weeks. I have all that information somewhere here, but my bedroom is kind of a mess right now, as you can see.” – Jinyoung leaned back on hands, while he looked around his room, not noticing Jaebum’s heated gaze. The mullet boy rested his hand on Jinyoung’s thigh all of a sudden, but yet, Jinyoung wasn’t getting any grasp of it.

“I’m going to watch that series only because of you, you know that?”

Jinyoung smiled widely, replying – “That’s a mandatory requirement if you want to enter this house for the rest of your life” - Jaebum chuckled, his hand not leaving his friend’s thigh.

“If you ever feel nervous or insecure, just call me. I’ll come to you and help you get over it the best I can.” – his eyes radiated affection – _and maybe a bit more than that_.

“I’m very thankful hyung, for real. It means a lot to me” – Jinyoung smiled gently, charmingly, as always. That was actually something he hadn’t hear from Jaebum’s mouth since years ago and it felt like he was meeting that same old Jaebum once again. Apparently, he didn’t lose his now-rare tenderness. Those thoughts evoked a small feeling of nostalgia. Meanwhile, Jaebum didn’t take his hand off Jinyoung’s thigh. Instead, he took a tighter grip on it, showing a hint of a smirk on his lips.

Somehow, that grip on Jinyoung’s thigh felt a bit weird, and he only realized why that was when Jaebum talked - “At what time does your father get back home?”

He swallowed hard. That was definitely the same old Jaebum, however, the nostalgic feeling had just vanished, giving place to uneasiness.

“In a few hours, I guess, why?” – he hoped the reason wasn’t the one he was sure it would be.

Jaebum licked his bottom lip, followed by a small bite while nodding at Jinyoung. – “You promised we would celebrate…” – his suggestive remark froze Jinyoung in his place. – “I miss us.” - His eyes were filled with lust and affection – “I’ve missed us since that day, seven years ago. I don’t think it’s too late for us, we could give it a try… Jinyoung” – JB’s other hand came to caress Jinyoung’s.

The latter stiffened in shock. Perhaps if things hadn’t turned the way they did, he would have fallen for it, however…

The mullet boy was highly hoping that he, Jinyoung, would feel the same since he hadn’t dated anyone for so long, at least that he was aware. Maybe he was just scared of their parents, maybe he was afraid for him, Jaebum, because of what happened back then. The thought of it softened his heart which caused him to move his face closer and closer to his friend’s.

At that moment, the tall figure of this other person emerged in Jinyoung’s mind, too strong to avoid falling into a stupor. He was trying to reach that silhouette, but it kept walking away, getting distant each step it took. Jinyoung longed to look straight into his eyes, as he listened to the echoes of his bright laugh in the depths of his mind – oh, the shivers when he caught sight of that figure stopping for a second and turning back, heading in his direction. Yugyeom’s soft hair, sparkling eyes and plump lips, widened in a smile, were drawing closer, Jinyoung’s heart clenching each second that passed. Then that radiant smile faded away, as he halted his pace. A tear fell down his face. And it hurt. It hurt so bad.

Jinyoung’s feelings didn’t allow him to fall into little old temptations.

He snapped out of his trance state. He wasn’t doing it. Not because their parents didn’t permit it, not because a relationship between two men was wrong in the eyes of their society. But because Jaebum wasn’t _him_.

Their lips were a few millimeters from touching when Jinyoung pushed his friend back, shaking his head, mumbling a “I can’t…”.

Taken by surprise, since Jinyoung hadn’t refused him until then, he took a deep breath and held Jinyoung’s face in both hands. He tried to escape the grip, but JB kept holding him, looking directly into Jinyoung’s eyes, as if trying to read into his soul. He struggled, but eventually took Jaebum’s hands off him.

“I can’t, I’m sorry hyung”. Jinyoung pushed him away and stood up hastily, getting back to his drawers, turning his back on JB. “I’m so stupid. Why can’t I face him?” – He knew very well why he didn’t have the guts to confront Jaebum. What? Was he going to turn to him and say “You know that Kim Yugyeom? Yeah, that same suspect on your sis case I’ve been investigating? I think I like him”?

He couldn’t see it, but Jaebum looked utterly dejected at the rejection. He had thought that maybe they could try something now. They had grown since then, why not give it a try? What was stopping Jinyoung?

“Is it because of our fathers?” – a sigh left Jinyoung’s lips and he bravely turned back to face the other. The “no” that was floating in his head didn’t leave his mouth. He looked down, defeated by cowardice.

Eyes very slowly rolling, as if holding in his disappointment, Jaebum ultimately stated - “I’ll try harder. I will set us free, Jinyoung. I promise you”.

Without saying any other word, he left quietly the house.

What he didn’t know was that Jinyoung was already being set free. Since he met _his suspect_ , that he realized a change in his own behaviors: he started to challenge people around him and, most importantly, he learned to challenge himself.

Yes. Kim Yugyeom was Jinyoung’s only hope to learn how to set himself free.

Looking around to his chaotic room, he went back to tidying it up. The Jaebum’s father’s file brought to him could wait.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was around 8 pm and Jinyoung was at a night market in the city center, standing against a building, phone in his hand, observant eyes wide open looking around to a crowd of people walking around the stalls.

Minhyuk’s task required him to follow some guy called Andrew, who owned a food stall at that market. Apparently, he was using it as a facade to hide some of his darker deals and was suspected of being the son of one of JB’s father’s biggest rivals – responsible for their latest losses by purposely infiltrating people into their business. Jinyoung’s task was to keep track of his whereabouts, paying attention to every detail, gestures, words, facial expressions, and snap as many photos he could gather, providing those material to Minhyuk later on.

“I hope I can finish this in two weeks. I’m tired of all of this” – Jinyoung thought, promising himself to cut once and for all his connection with the gang. It was about time to follow his dreams. As he was reflecting on his life decisions, his mind brought back flashbacks of the previous day. The thought of JB making a move on him was still present in his mind, not because he would have liked it to have happened – that was not the case – but because it bothered him to think Jaebum was convinced he was afraid their parents would find out. He should have just been sincere and have told his friend he didn’t share the same feelings and that was it. Finito.

Jinyoung sighed, worried about how things would turn out, and shook away the thought, by getting mixed with the crowd of people to keep with his disguise. He kept his camera in his messenger bag and even brought his mini spy camera, for when he approached the stall.

As he caught sight of Andrew at his food stall with two more employees, he checked if his hidden camera was well positioned on his casual black jacket, and wandered around the nearby stalls, pretending to be interested in the diversity of food that surrounded him.

 

Jinyoung had already eaten from 3 different stalls in the past hour, pretending to be waiting someone as he looked at the watch and exhaled impatiently – _what an actor_ \- when he saw someone strangely familiar speaking to the suspect. Taking his bigger camera in hands, he quickly took a zoomed-in photo, in order to clearly capture both faces.

“Wait a minute…?” Suddenly he realized that was… how was he called? Probably the only one from Yugyeom’s dance crew he still hadn’t memorized the name. No one could blame him, though, they never spoke that much and Yugyeom didn’t usually talk about him either.

That could have been a perfectly normal conversation if only they hadn’t looked around and headed the back of the stall. In a rush, heart pounding faster, Jinyoung ran towards a strategic place, behind some other stall, where he could watch them from afar.

The other two were exchanging some words when Andrew gave the familiar face an envelope and… wait, was that a USB flash drive? He was able to capture zoomed in pictures of the moment and left immediately before being seen.

The relation between Yugyeom’s friend and Andrew was worrying Jinyoung. That was definitely not a good sign. If Jaebum saw that he would immediately make up some kind of connection between Andrew and Yugyeom.

For the next hour, as more people went to the stall, he snapped anything he found fishy.

Stowing the camera in his bag again, Jinyoung decided to approach the stall. The food smelled delicious and, pretending to be picking his next meal, he tried to listen to Andrew’s conversation with one of the employees. However, they stayed quiet when he appeared. Andrew added something more, some unintelligible words that the other perfectly understood and replied back the same way. Codes. All captured in audio. Minhyuk would have his henchmen working on decoding those.

Andrew didn’t seem like he had noticed Jinyoung’s presence around for the whole time, even though he always looked around whenever he was doing something definitely suspicious. It only showed how good Jinyoung was. Making up small talk with Andrew – ending up making him laugh with some random comment about food – Jinyoung left with a smirk in his face, back home for the night. He knew he was good. And he knew the following night would be harder, since face was already known. But there was nothing Jinyoung couldn’t overcome.

Except for…

The thoughts he always avoided to dwell on, by keeping himself busy. The remorse for having entered in someone’s life driven by the worst of motives.

He wouldn’t have felt guilty if he hadn’t been so personally involved with him. If only he had just stalked him, everything would be fine for Jinyoung and none of those feelings would have ever existed. But Jaebum didn’t want to. How was it possible that he believed that Jinyoung could get so closer to someone and so easily cut their bond and relationship afterwards? How could himself – Park Jinyoung - have thought so?!

To tell the truth, simply because Jaebum never expected that someone like Jinyoung would fall for someone – _that was not him_.

Much less Jinyoung himself.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It took an hour and a half to reach the small village by bus, among greenish valleys and hills. As they left the bus, each of them with a small backpack on, Yugyeom immediately headed towards a narrow dirt road without looking back.

“It may not be a big village, but no other can beat its beauty” – he commented, excited, as Jinyoung tried to catch him up. Yugyeom didn’t give him the time to contemplate the place properly, how could he even respond to that?

“Where exactly are we heading to?” – Jinyoung questioned, tired, as he hadn’t slept much the past nights, while looking up at a few tall magnificent trees positioned along the sides of the street.

“Secret!” – the younger stuck his tongue out and winked his eye, playfully, making Jinyoung furrow his eyebrows.

“It’s a place that belongs to my family. I come here almost every weekend when I don’t have to stay in the city practicing with the crew. This is where I can dance freely, with no pressure whatsoever, and where I can have the peace of mind to create some choreographies. I get tons of inspiration when I come here.” – a relaxed smile crossed the younger’s lips – “We have a small house up there.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Jinyoung took a glimpse at Yugyeom stretching himself. “So, he’s taking me to his vacation home…” the mere thought of it speeded up his heart rate, as his imagination kept on working without limits.

When was he going to officially admit the impact that gorgeous, tall guy had on him? He didn’t have an answer for that. In order to be honest with himself – _and with Yugyeom_ – he had to _finish_ _right away_ the task at hand. And it unsettled him, the regret, the fear of him finding out. He definitely needed to end it all and send the report as fast as possible.

However, those thoughts and feelings quickly – _and temporarily -_ disappeared. The happy chirping of the birds in the air, the sweet scent of a mixture of Roses of Sharon’s fragrance and some other undefined scent – besides Yugyeom’s presence - were giving the older a sense of tranquility he hadn’t felt for some time. As Yugyeom guided their way, they were passing by some small houses located in the fields nearby, when he then pointed to a farm some miles away on their right.

“That small house over there is where Hyunwoo hyung’s aunt lives. She has several sheep over there, can you see it?”

“Hyunwoo…? Who’s…” – wait?! Didn’t JB talk about some Hyunwoo?

“Hyung?! Don’t tell me you forgot who he is?!” – Yugyeom’s eyes widened, perplexed – “No wonder, he’s always busy with his work. But still?!”

“Is he… from the crew?!” – Jinyoung asked in horror and then hid his expression of concern, pretending he was shocked and embarrassed for having forgotten.

“He is!” – Yugyeom shook his head, showing a hint of a pout – “I’m disappointed”

“I’m sorry, but I only talked to him like, what? Twice?” – the guy actually seemed like he avoided Jinyoung, somehow, when he met the crew the few times in the past, so how was he even supposed to remember his name? But now that he cogitated on it, something seemed weird. That Hyunwoo was the same person he had seen two days before at the night market with Andrew at the back of the stall, however, would it be JB’s Hyunwoo…?

That didn’t make any sense. Unless…

No, it wasn’t the same person, it couldn’t.

But Jinyoung wasn’t as sure as his thoughts made it seem.

Yugyeom didn’t mind it that much, so they kept walking for a few more minutes, until they reached his property. His elegant wood cabin was beautifully installed among some trees but having the perfect view down the small valley with fields and farms, a diversity of colors and land sizes. The street continued ahead of them.

“Welcome to my little paradise!” Yugyeom stated with a grin, as they entered through the rustic gate. Jinyoung felt the urge to do something. Taking his camera out, he took pictures from the whole land and sights down the valley. Then he turned to Yugyeom, who was smiling at him, and captured the sweet moment.

The embarrassment for having been taken off guard led to Yugyeom complaining - “Ah! Why? You could have said something beforehand, hyung! My face was so dumb”

“Then again! Go over there to catch the view and do some pose, go go” – Jinyoung didn’t seem tired anymore, he was thrilled for the few pictures he could take to the younger. He had to admit it: he was enjoying filling his camera with a bunch of Yugyeom’s photos.

“Enough now, let’s get in”

“One more, just one more!”

“Hyung…”

“Last one, I promise!”

It really was the last one, because Yugyeom then went high speed through the short path to the main cabin’s entrance to unlock the door, entering the house right away.

Jinyoung chuckled, following the younger, noticing another cabin, probably a big storage or utility room, located a few meters away from the main wood cabin. He could clearly perceive that Yugyeom’s family was reasonably wealthy – with his father working for the entertainment industry, that wouldn’t be hard – and he had already noticed that when he was once at Yugyeom’s city house.

The cabin’s entrance was in the kitchen, and right on the left side as he got in, Jinyoung caught the sight of the large rustic living room through the big archway that separated both rooms. Unlike what he was expecting, in fact. A bit different from Yugyeom’s house back in the city. Slightly fancier.

As Yugyeom reached each window individually, he drew each’s curtains apart, letting the sunlight in.

“My parents’ bedroom is upstairs, bathroom there and… my room is behind that door right there” – he pointed at the closed door visible behind one of the sofas.

“It feels good in here” – Jinyoung was visibly relaxed that the first thing he did was to put aside his backpack and lie on one of the sofas, closing his eyes.

“What are you doing?” – Yugyeom asked, frowning at the older – “I have so much to show you!” – Yugyeom tried to pull Jinyoung by his arm, but Jinyoung showed a sulky expression and didn’t move.

“Can it be after lunch…?”

“Hyung, it’s 10:40am, we can see a lot before lunch time…”

“Let’s have an early lunch then, but I’m just so tired, I worked until late yesterday” – he stretched his arms over his head, ready for his nap.

“What were you working on?”

Jinyoung ran out of air for a brief second – “Huh…Uhm. It’s a new photographic project” – he lied, keeping his eyes shut not to face the other. – “We can talk about it later, I need this nap now. Please?”

There was an obvious reason for which he deflected that conversation.

The night before had been tough and very risky for Jinyoung. He stood up late until 5 am but didn’t regret at all. He was delighted that he could capture and record good material for Jaebum’s father without being caught. After closing his stall, Andrew decided to head to a disco with a few mates, so why not following him then? That’s where Jinyoung could gather most of his evidence. Now there he was, with 3 hours of sleep, exhausted, begging for at least an hour more of sleep – and hoping Yugyeom would forget about the “talking about it later” part.

Smiling softly at the older, Yugyeom responded with a soft “Fine” and headed to his room. He came back with a thin blanket and covered Jinyoung, controlling the wish to brushing his hair with his fingers. When he was already in the kitchen, Jinyoung opened one of his eyes, staring at the kitchen’s entrance direction and grinned, as he snuggled under the blanket, falling into his nap quickly afterwards.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I d-don’t think…” – Jinyoung stuttered, some fear evident in his eyes.

“Hey, come hyung! It’s not that deep in here!”

He should have just pretended he forgot his swimwear. He had that slight hope that Yugyeom would forget about that idea, since right after lunch he went to show all the surrounding area to Jinyoung, the center of the village, the existing trails, and it probably took over 3 hours for that. Yugyeom definitely knew it all by heart. Of course, he wasn’t done yet. Now there they were, at a beautiful hidden waterfall that formed cascading flows into a plunge pool. The path to reach the waterfall took half an hour along an irregular trail, making the access quite difficult for many people. But not for those boys - _nor for some other fewer people that were already there when they arrived_.

Jinyoung had many qualities, but as any human being, he wasn’t perfect. His father could have taught him almost everything, but failed in one particular skill: swimming. The only thing that scared him was not feeling the ground below him, so as he saw the size of the plunge pool, he stepped back in precaution, unaware of its depth.

Apparently, Yugyeom quickly grasped the situation.

“Not deep?”

“Look at me. I’m standing on my feet!”

Finally reassured, the older entered the water slowly, as Yugyeom walked towards him.

“It’s ok! The worst part is there but even there you’ll be standing on your tiptoes” – Yugyeom reassured, tilting his head trying to catch Jinyoung’s eyes’ attention. He avoided to look at the younger, ashamed. It wasn’t something he was proud of, much less considering Yugyeom was now aware of it.

“I see you never had the chance to learn how to swim”

Jinyoung shook his head - “I’ve learned a whole bunch of things, but apparently my dad never thought of taking me to swim.” -  he paused – “I think I only went to beaches just to walk around or party, and that was a long time ago” – he sighed.

“I could teach y….”

“No?!” – Yugyeom was interrupted – “I mean, not now…” – he made a sign with his head towards the people who were there, implying the request of “not when there are other people watching”.

 “Fine.” – Yugyeom rolled his eyes, not even waiting for a reply, as he threw water against Jinyoung, who was still getting used to the coldness of the water, and pretending nothing happened right after.

“You… brat!” – when he was about to fire back, Yugyeom dodged the attack and, accidentally, the water hit harshly a middle-aged woman’s face with no mercy, who was carefully stepping to get in water behind Yugyeom.

That was the end of it. Even though Jinyoung was petrified at first, he quickly went to apologize with his head down, deeply regretting his actions. However, the grumpy woman was already ranting on how the younger generation disrespected the older people and how the government should do something to prevent negligence and disrespect from the younger generation.

Yugyeom kept quiet in his place, with only his head on the surface, suppressing his urge to laugh while Jinyoung struggled in making the woman listen to his sincere apologies.

She eventually turned her back on him, without even giving him a second look, and left the place with her husband, still huffing and puffing against the world. Jinyoung shut his eyes annoyed and embarrassed when he heard Yugyeom burst out in laughter behind him. He turned back moving in his direction, smiling threateningly at him. Yugyeom swam away instinctively to a deeper area, to maintain a certain safety distance.

“Come here.”

“No.”

“I said come here…” – Yugyeom shook his head, like a disobedient young kid.

“I’m leaving then” – The threat affected Yugyeom’s senses because as the other was turning his back on him, the younger was already standing next to him.

Not thinking twice, Jinyoung hooked his arm around Yugyeom’s neck, pretending to strangle him.

“I’m gonna kill you!”

Yugyeom squealed in amusement, trying to break free from Jinyoung’s arm, and replied - “Impossible. You like me too much!”

As he heard that and for a millisecond, Jinyoung realized how he was literally glued to Yugyeom’s bare torso and blushed awkwardly, ending up losing balance and completely falling into the water, taking Yugyeom with him. When the younger straightened himself up, he surrounded his arms around Jinyoung’s torso, from behind, and pulled him up to the surface immediately. The older’s feet touched the ground, once more, and he was kind of confused. He barely had time to grasp what had just happened.

“Got you, you ain’t gonna die yet. I won’t let you.” – the younger whispered in a tease into Jinyoung’s ear, sheepishly. He knew the older probably could have straightened up by himself, but he went to his aid instinctively. The sound of the younger’s voice close to his ear caused an explosion of butterflies in Jinyoung’s stomach. He wanted to pull his arms off him, to fight against that feeling, yet he didn’t want to at the same time. He was about to reply to the younger when…

“Guys, it’s time, let’s go. Hey, psst, Soohyunie!”

Yugyeom turned his head to the last people around as he heard that name, and Jinyoung followed his gaze. The younger detached from the other boy, after making sure he had his feet safely on the ground, then took a dip in the water and swam underwater until the other side of the plunge pool, back and forth.

“Shit” Jinyoung knew what was happening. Hearing that name triggered memories in Yugyeom. When the group left and they were finally left alone, Yugyeom went to sit to where they left their backpacks and, surprisingly, he called Jinyoung who had been staring helplessly at the him for a while.

Yugyeom was trembling, as the cold was freezing his bones now that he was outside of water. Jinyoung joined him.

“Hey! Is there anything wrong?” – he knew there was, he knew it. However, he couldn’t act like he knew her name and mention her out of nowhere.

Jinyoung knew that hearing that name triggered something in Yugyeom. What he didn’t know was that the younger boy was, at that precise moment, ready to spill it all out: the truth about what he had been struggling with, only and solely to Jinyoung.

Perhaps the man next to Yugyeom wasn’t going to look at him as he always did. Maybe he was going to condemn him as Yugyeom always did to himself… But right at that moment, it just felt right to have him by his side, at least for a brief moment, and spit out everything.

Jinyoung was about to take Yugyeom’s towel out of his backpack when Yugyeom asked - “Will you judge me? For… something I did? Or rather… didn’t do?”

Looking bewildered, Jinyoung sighed. It seemed something really serious for Yugyeom to be tormenting himself for so long, that hearing him saying that distressed the older, especially when he knew how Yugyeom was usually in such good mood. Jinyoung wanted to make sure, with all his heart, that he knew he could trust him.

“Listen, Yugyeom, whatever mistake you may have committed in your life, I just want to remind you that you are a human being. I myself have done so many…” – Jinyoung paused at the sudden thought of his mission that predictably crossed his mind and which was one of the best examples he could have found. However, he forbade himself to think about it at that precise moment, otherwise he couldn’t handle having that conversation – “stupid things. I don’t expect people who are the closest to me to say I did nothing wrong, when I ultimately did. However, I expect them to listen and give their best suggestions to make things turn out for the best and to help myself improve. I don’t know what’s bothering you, but you shouldn’t be concerned about how I will feel about it. I’ll be all ears and I’ll help you as much as I can, regardless what you did” – Jinyoung grimaced in concern – “Or didn’t do. I really don’t know what you mean by that.”

He waited nervously for Yugyeom’s reply, staring at him. He had to admit that all that situation was driving him crazy, particularly because he was afraid the other would say something he didn’t want to hear.

There was no answer back, though, besides giving a light nod. Jinyoung grabbed both their towels, wrapping one around Yugyeom’s body comfortably, who was turning purple from coldness, the other around himself, and straightened up next to him. He rubbed a hand on the younger’s back, while his other free hand sneaked under his towel, searching for his hand and taking hold of it as he reached it. The light grip encouraged Yugyeom to start talking.

“Remember when you asked about the 8th member of the Street Kids?” – Jinyoung nodded, analyzing Yugyeom’s features – “Her name was Soohyun. We were in the same class back in high school. She was highly talented and a genuinely smart and tender person, but apparently not many people really cared. It was well known that many of our classmates wanted to befriend her for ulterior motives, like… her brother? Everyone had a crush on him back then.” – Jinyoung’s stomach threatened to leave his mouth, while Yugyeom proceeded – “Those girls ended up treating her unfairly. She was even bullied sometimes. Because of that, once at a dancing class I asked to be paired with her for a dancing exercise, before anyone else could do so. Our friendship started on that day. A week passed by and we were already best friends.” – Yugyeom spoke slowly – “Do you know that person you do everything with and trust all your emotions, fears and secrets with? Knowing they wouldn’t judge you, but also not let you do stupid things? Knowing they would support you and accept you for who you are, regardless your faults? That was Soohyun” – a sad smile appeared on his lips.

“When I met her, she already had a hint of depression. I advised her to attend therapy because… things were tough at home. Her family… But mostly her father…” – Yugyeom exhaled, trembling – “He never accepted her dreams nor her decisions and treated her like she was supposed to serve a family. He wanted to turn her into a housewife, or a restaurant’s cook, just like her mom. She wasn’t completely free, always having to give justifications to her father.” – Jinyoung knew Jaebum’s father was harsh, but he wasn’t that much aware of what used to happen at their home. Jaebum’s beating all those years back had been the worst occurrence he was aware of. Since JB wasn’t brave enough to go against his father’s words and stand for his sister’s rights, he always obeyed to everything his old man demanded. That’s how he was. People would probably call him a coward, but in reality, they had no clue how much he had suffered at home, not even Jinyoung that much. The only thing he knew for sure was that Jaebum loved Soohyun, but perhaps he was as scared as her, so he always took his father’s side. Minhyuk was a very powerful and respected man in his field of business for his sharpness and leadership skills. However, terrible as a husband and a father.

Jinyoung himself had to admit he always acted the most respectfully way possible when facing him. Intimidating, that was the best word he could find to describe JB’s father.

“She gave up on the therapy idea because her father wouldn’t allow her to go. And do you wanna know why he did that? Because he doesn’t believe in mental illnesses. She said he thinks it is just an excuse to seek for attention and laze around.” – That Jinyoung wasn’t expecting. Or maybe he was, but hadn’t taken the time to consider it. How was Jaebum still putting up with all of that? Then he remembered his own dad and, actually, he knew how it was. Kind of. He wasn’t that different from his friend’s father.

“Finally, she met Hyeri noona. It was one of the best things that could have happened to her. She tried to help her since then. Later on, we formed our crew with the rest of the guys whom we had already met by chance.”

“I think you were also one of the best people she could have met. You turned into her best friend, you were there for her and I know how good you are” – Jinyoung replied, gripping Yugyeom’s hand tighter. That’s when the younger looked away. Some seconds went by until he spoke again.

“She was in love with me” – those words coming from the younger’s mouth shattered Jinyoung’s heart, threatening to suffocate him - “She confessed to me one week before… _that_ happened. I apologized to her for not feeling the same. She was truly my best friend and I would always be with her and support her as great friends. I should have known it before, I should have been careful, I…”- a tear fell down the younger’s face, and he didn’t know how to keep up.

“Wait, wait, but it’s not your fault that you don’t feel the same. You didn’t know she felt that way, and even if you knew, and like you said, you weren’t going to leave her side because of that. You sincerely wanted to help her! Not everyone is willing to do what you did”

Yugyeom remained a few seconds quiet pondering on Jinyoung’s words - “But… then she told me she needed time. I promised to help her, free herself from that agony. However, she asked me to give her some time. And I gave it to her.” –  Yugyeom was already shedding tears – “One week later, she called me. Asked me if I had some time to hang out with her and simply talk. She said she missed me. I was concerned about her and I really wanted to talk with her and discuss things, but… I ended up asking whether it could stay for the following day or so, since I had the final for an individual dancing competition on that day. Yeah. I went to a stupid dancing competition over my best friend.” – the sobs let out from deep inside his heart, but he was grateful for finally pouring his heart out to someone.

Jinyoung leaned his head on Yugyeom’s shoulder and shut his eyes, intertwining fingers in the other’s hand. Yugyeom was feeling guilty for not having avoided the worse. The older perfectly understood the feeling of guilt, but there are things in life that they couldn’t control nor change, not when the source of someone’s problems laid at home.

“If I was with her on that day, she wouldn’t have felt lonely. She wouldn’t have... gone. I broke my promise.” – the sobs and sniffles increased in intensity.

“It’s not your fault” – Jinyoung breathed out – “It will never be. It’s true that _maybe_ if you were with her on that day, something _could_ have changed. Or maybe not! Yugyeom, she must have been suffering for too long that she couldn’t take it any longer and maybe something happened to her on that day _after_ calling you that triggered it and these things sometimes are out of a friend’s hands. The best would have been psychological counselling, which her father **did not** allow. I told you already, you are a human being, you didn’t reject helping her, you dedicated all your love and efforts in helping her. And I’m positive she wouldn’t want you to be feeling this way. Didn’t you invite her to go see you?”

Yugyeom lowered his head - “I did, but she refused to go. I think it’s because there would be too many people there and I couldn’t go meet up with her anyway. The rest of the guys were busy, not even Jackson hyung came to see me. Everyone was busy. She said it was ok, that she was ok with meeting up the following day”

“This whole situation doesn’t make you a murderer and it never will. I hope you know that.” – at that moment, the sobbing young boy also laid his head on Jinyoung’s that was still snuggled on the younger’s shoulder – “I can assure you she was very thankful to you. You were probably one of her biggest sources of strength, if not the biggest itself”

A small moment of silence fell over them and the lack of response from the younger boy was unsettling Jinyoung. Kim Yugyeom, the person he cared the most in the world, someone who was constantly trying to look things on the bright side, always bringing joy to Jinyoung’s life and encouraging him to never give up on his dreams, was also tormenting himself for all of that, and it was so painful to even imagine how could someone so good feel this guilty for something when people who negatively influenced her life had a clear conscience. It just wasn’t fair.

“She left me a last text message on that day that I’ve been reading every time I think of her.” – Yugyeom broke the silence and, as Jinyoung heard this, his heart sank in devastation.

“What does it say?”

Yugyeom leaned forward to grab his phone, showing it to Jinyoung.

 

 

“Yugyeomie

Hearing your voice today was a breath of fresh air. I hope you do well on your competition, make everyone proud of you. I know you’ll do well.

I’m so thankful for having met you and for everything you did for me. I’m sorry for having been a burden for the past years. To you, to the guys, to my brother, my parents… to the entire world.

You know, Gyeomie, I can’t see anything else but darkness now. I think I can’t take it anymore. Not even a glimpse of a future without this dark cloud of anguish that took hold of me. It’s so painful. You regularly say there will always be a sunbeam appearing through the storming clouds, bringing me peace of mind and hope, but I can’t catch sight of it. I haven’t seen it for a long time. Is it supposed to take this long to see the sun?

It’s impossible to see it when I’m aware I’ll never be good enough. I’ll never be accepted by those who surround me. What did I even do to make a change in this world? My existence has always been pointless, hasn’t it? My father was right, wasn’t he? I’ll never be good enough.

Ah… I don’t think I’ll get to see it. The beautiful shaft of sunlight you’ve always talked about. People say that you see a light when you’re fading away. Is that true? Then, that must be the sunbeam I should be looking for.

It’s time to finish this, isn’t it? To finally break free?

Tell mom I love her. Tell my sweet brother, Jaebumie hyung, I love him too. So much.

I love you very much.

Thank you and I’m so sorry.

 

Soo”

 

 

Jinyoung wasn’t able to pronounce a word right away. His eyes filled with tears and he tried to hold them back. The thought of Jaebum telling him there was nothing on Soohyun’s phone on the day she was found crossed his mind. It was completely empty. That’s when he concluded. She had deleted everything on purpose. Even during her last moments, she feared her father. She feared he would go after Yugyeom demanding for an explanation. She feared he would threaten or maybe hurt him.

Jinyoung was so sure that Yugyeom never told Jaebum about it. Where would he gather the courage to face her brother and show him a full last goodbye letter by message? A text message she decided to send to her best friend instead to her own family.

“I’m so sorry for your loss, Yugyeom, I’m really s-” – Jinyoung immediately hugged the younger so he couldn’t see his teary eyes. Yugyeom’s sobbing increased in intensity. - “Trust me, it’s not your fault. When my parents died, I…” – his whispery voice cracked which led Yugyeom to slightly pull the older away, in order to look in his eyes.

“But..I didn’t kn…”

Jinyoung shook his head, a lump in his throat trying to bring him down, but he endured it – “It was a long time ago. Let me just finish before I…” – how was he going to put in words his thoughts, now? He didn’t usually think about it that much, for obvious reasons, but now he had to. It was for a good cause, he had to.

“We left home at night because I wanted an ice cream from a specific shop in town” – he snorted at the thought of it – “We ended up having a car crash on our way.” – it was tough to keep talking without that lump suffocating him. - “I was the only survivor. A 5-year-old boy was the only survivor.”

At that moment, Jinyoung slowly let his towel slide off him and showed his only visible scar on his stomach. Yugyeom had noticed it before but never dared to ask. There he had his answer – “This is the only visible scar I have right now, the rest of my injuries healed just fine.” – he showed a sad smile to Yugyeom, who looked disconcerted at the mark on Jinyoung’s skin – “I can’t remember the accident itself, I suffered from retrograde amnesia back then, but I know that after being treated at the hospital, I clearly remember telling the police it was all my fault. The blame stayed with me for a few more months until my old man, who gratefully adopted me, made sure to make me understand that I would never be responsible for an accident caused by a reckless drunk driver. I didn’t really know what had caused the accident until he told me so. But I still thought I was the one to blame, just because I convinced my parents to leave home, because I felt like I endangered them. It doesn’t even make sense! Can you see my point here?” – Jinyoung bit his tongue. Just like Yugyeom, he had never mentioned this incident to anyone. Jaebum knew it already, not the complete version, though, and every time he tried to talk about it years before, Jinyoung managed to change the subject.

“Don’t let the blame consume you when you know you had good intentions. Even if you _think_ you weren’t succeeded, the ones who should be feeling down are who negatively influenced her life. You weren’t one of those people. And she was truly lucky to have had you in her life”

The younger nodded, speechless. Jinyoung had made his point clear, definitely. And even though the taller boy wouldn’t easily forget how he could have done something to change the turn of events, his heart was gradually feeling at ease thanks to his words. Yugyeom slowly opened his arms to receive such a strong young man that was before him in a hug, one more time. The soft embrace overflowed affection and understanding. Yugyeom whispered a “thank you” into the older’s ear and a tear fell down Jinyoung’s face as he did that. Thinking about it still hurt. A lot. But he was going to keep enduring it.

“Hyung?” Yugyeom whispered, still immersed in their embrace.

“Gyeomie?” – the older’s soft voice caused Yugyeom to shiver. It was the first time Jinyoung called him that way.

“There’s a last place I want to show you, before it gets dark”

 

They didn’t need to say much more as they headed back through the trail to that place Yugyeom profoundly wished to show the person whom owned his heart.

~

 

At the top of that hill Jinyoung sensed freedom. A profound and utter freedom completely different from what he had never sensed before. The sky held little clouds while the sunset shined on them in such beautiful tones of peach and orange, as a new smile was born on Jinyoung’s lips.

“I get it now. Why you love this place.”

They were just a couple inches apart from each other. The older’s smile was glowing, along with his stunning eyes, as he nodded at the reply. Yugyeom contemplated that glow, mesmerized. After a day filled with all kind of emotions, in which they opened their hearts to each other about their most painful experiences and feelings, that was what he most longed to see. It felt like a new bond was formed between them, an intimate bond, and it was inconceivable to think that Yugyeom’s feelings for the older hadn’t deepened.

How he wished to tell the man beside him how much he was in love with him. How grateful he was for his mere presence in his life. For opening his eyes to new perspectives. However, he feared. He feared to lose what they had at that particular moment. Maybe he also feared to be abandoned. As he was once before. So, he remained quiet.

Yugyeom sat on the soft grass and Jinyoung followed his action. With his camera in hands, the latter captured the breath-taking view in 3 or 4 photos until he decided to turn the camera to the younger’s face. Yugyeom ignored him, as he observed the view, or at least tried to pretend he didn’t care, but failed after 10 seconds of a camera staring at him.

“Are you filming me?”

“Yes, I am.”

Yugyeom’s cheeks were caught turning slightly red as he whined - “Hyuung, what is that for, really? I know I’m handsome, but no need for that, and STOP ZOOMING IN, what are you doing?!”

A weak but genuine laugh came out of Jinyoung, as the younger covered the camera with his hand, trying to fight over who possessed the device. – “I thought you said you were handsome, why so insecure now?”

Knowing that it wouldn’t take much longer for Jinyoung to get bored with it, Yugyeom let it go, allowing Jinyoung to focus the camera again on his face for a few more seconds until he finally finished with the filming.

They remained in silence for a while, when Jinyoung felt the younger’s cold hand sliding down his arm, gripping softly his wrist. A shiver ran down his spine at the lingering touch and nothing stopped him from looking down at his hand.

“Hyung…”

Jinyoung turned his suddenly worried eyes to look into Yugyeom’s. Why was he looking so disheartened? Was he still dwelling on their previous conversation? What could he do now to stop him from thinking about it?

As unbelievable as it may seem, Jinyoung didn’t catch on to what Yugyeom was really thinking. He was about to say it, he was on the verge of really saying it - _I like you_ – but lost all his courage as Jinyoung’s eyes met his. Gawkily, Yugyeom lay on his back, looking up at the sky, his heart racing.

“What? What’s wrong?” – he was now confused.

“No, nothing. Don’t worry!”

Jinyoung furrowed his eyebrows in concern, but also lay by his side, softening his expressions. Having his eyes looking up to the darkening sky, a melody crossed his mind. It was a calm song he had heard before, whose lyrics got quickly stuck in his mind. He thought that maybe he could appease Yugyeom’s concerns and sorrows if he sang it with his whole heart.

Jinyoung turned his face to stare at Yugyeom’s tired – _and blushed_ \- features for a while and then slid his hand down the younger’s arm, tightly holding his hand, tangling their fingers, as if reassuring him everything was all right. What was he doing? He wasn’t sure. All he wanted was to make the younger boy felt at peace by singing that melody. He looked back up to the orangish sky, otherwise he knew he wouldn’t be able to focus. With each passing day, Jinyoung felt his heart turning warmer than ever and singing that tenderly for someone was something he would have already crossed out from the list of things to do for someone. Apparently, Kim Yugyeom was an exception.

The sweet song was endearing and sounded like a lullaby, while an implied confession was coming out of his lips. Jinyoung’s beautiful voice was telling him that he would hold him in his arms whenever he needed, that he could trust him. He was reassuring Yugyeom he would stay there by his side on those hardest days. That the brightness would come and until then, he would be there embracing him, waiting for the arrival of a new day, as they endured the pain and sorrow together. It was a promise. A promise delivered by the deepest of his feelings.

Without Jinyoung’s knowledge, Yugyeom’s heart was filled with a wave of warmth, affection and serenity. He had his smile back on his face and his eyes kept roaming Jinyoung’s traits. He felt he was about to kiss him, but withheld that urge. He didn’t want to risk losing him. Even if by singing that song Jinyoung was pouring all his heart out, the younger wasn’t capable of understanding his _subtle_ ways of doing so.

When he finished the song, the older’s lips opened in a wide smile, even though the uncertainty of having been succeeded in making Yugyeom’s heart feel at ease remained. He tried not to think of it, but his feelings for the younger boy were just exposed out loud, exposed to Kim Yugyeom. He rarely ever had his feelings exposed. Why did he--. There was no time to think about what was already done. He didn’t have the courage to turn and face Yugyeom at that point. If he had, he could have seen Yugyeom in a daze, his eyes shifting between the older’s eyes and his lips.

“Are you feeling better now?” – Jinyoung asked tenderly in a whisper, taking a peek at Yugyeom out of the corner of his eye. The reply came as a nod. Yugyeom was looking at the sky, not even trying to hide his happiness - “Thank you, hyung”

This time, Jinyoung turned his head to Yugyeom without hesitation, his smile turning even more endearing. They lay on the grass for a few more minutes, Yugyeom highly complimenting his ability in singing, Jinyoung replying humbly, then constantly exchanging compliments with each other, as the sun was slowly disappearing on the horizon.

Jinyoung had completely lost track of time because he then remembered that it was time to go home. Not that he really wanted to, but he had to. He had the Andrew stuff to handle on that evening and following morning. And, perhaps, he could finally finish his report on Soo’s case and end it all up for good.

“We should go back to take the bus back”

“Now?” – he didn’t want to go back to the city, and Jinyoung could clearly perceive that. The older had planned to send Minhyuk the material he got from the previous night, he really had to send it on that night and check on Andrew’s house the next morning, he wasn’t supposed to spend the night with… - _spending the night with him, this time completely sober… -_ the idea appealed Jinyoung more than he wished.

“There are no more buses today” – the younger lied.

Jinyoung laughed at how obvious his lie had been, just by looking at the serious expression in Yugyeom’s face. The younger boy observed his beautiful guffaw and felt somewhat nervous. Jinyoung sat back up, detaching their hands leaving Yugyeom’s hand feeling empty, abandoned. He really had to go. He looked back at the younger boy who was still lying on the floor and replied, amused, as his voice echoed in the field - “You liar!”

“Stay for the night, come on! I can lend you a sleepwear, I’ve got clothes that you can wear, you can take anything! There’s food too!” – Yugyeom was basically pleading, tiredness visible on his features.

Jinyoung, as tired as the younger, took a deep breath, rolling his eyes. He didn’t know whether that would be a good decision. The amount of work he had to finish was concerning him. He stood up and reached out to help Yugyeom stand up as well.

“I have work that I left in standby.”

“Oh” – he didn’t hide the dismay he felt for the reply. - “I’m sorry, I didn’t know. Then… I guess we have a bus in 45 minutes, we should hurry then” – he looked so defeated to the point where Jinyoung gave a second thought about it. - _Ok, screw JB’s father and Andrew and anything left in standby for Yugyeom, then._

“Fine. I’ll stay.”

“But, your work…?”

“It’s fine, really. I would stay up until late if I went back now anyway. And right now, I need to rest.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to force you to do an-”

Jinyoung interrupted the younger with a reassuring look - “I want to stay”. - With a grin, Yugyeom did a small silly dance in celebration, taking out a chuckle from Jinyoung.

“HOWEVER, you cook, I watch and eat. You already know the rules” – a fake pout formed in Yugyeom’s lips, but, of course, Yugyeom knew he had now to comply to Jinyoung’s wishes. It wasn’t the first time, anyway. As they were returning to the cabin, the moon greeted them from afar. The night promised to be beautiful.

~

 

Seated on the sofa, Yugyeom was resting his head back, looking vaguely at the TV, while Jinyoung lay next to him immersed in his reading - a small book he had found in the bookshelf under the television had caught his attention to the point he even forgot how exhausted he was.

Illuminating the living room, there was only a dim light coming from the floor lamp behind Jinyoung and it was giving the place a cozy environment, providing a drowsy feeling to Yugyeom. They were already wearing their sleepwear, Jinyoung with a large white t-shirt and dark blue pajama shorts he borrowed from Yugyeom. As for the younger, he had his black and gray plaid sleep shorts on and a plain black tank top matching, his usual sleepwear for the weekends he spent in the cabin.

Completely absent-minded staring at the screen, the younger yawned. He then looked at the clock. 10:20pm. It wasn’t even that late, but he was exhausted from the emotionally tiring day. There was only a slight problem. He didn’t want to head towards his parents’ bedroom, where he would be sleeping, while Jinyoung would be staying in his room. How could he address the matter without being too obvious that he wanted to feel the older’s presence throughout the night? It had been hard enough to convince him to join him in the living room instead of reading in his bedroom, now how would he handle this? He turned the TV off and remained there in silence.

Jinyoung’s eyes looked over his book for a moment, taking a peek at Yugyeom’s expressions. He waited a few seconds pretending to be reading as to see what would be his next action, but the taller boy didn’t move a muscle. Jinyoung let the book drop wide open on his chest.

“Hey!” – he kicked him lightly, trying to stir a reaction from the younger. He didn’t get any answer. – “If you’re sleepy you should go to bed then. Don’t force yourself to stay up!”

“I’m not.”

“You should go.” – Silence. Why wasn’t he answering? Jinyoung sighed loudly, seating up next to the younger and placing the book on the center table.

“I’m going first, ok? Sleep well” – his heart strained inside as he was standing up and about to leave Yugyeom there. He was already foreseeing his tossing and turning in bed, as he will probably be thinking of how they could be sharing a bed and they weren’t. Or maybe, instead of dwelling on it, he could just touch himself under Yugyeom’s bed sheets, while pretending he was there. Sweet idea.

“Wait, hyung!” – a grip around his wrist stopped him from moving. When he glanced back, he found pleading eyes, almost as if consuming his soul, trying to tell him something he couldn’t perceive.

“Thank you” - Yugyeom spoke, letting half of his heart out – “I guess if I hadn’t you here I wouldn’t be feeling so relieved. You always know what to say and when to say it, and I feel like I didn’t do enough for you. You were suffering too, but I didn’t even realize it, I’m sorry.”

Jinyoung stared at the younger, catching his disappointed gaze, and went back to sitting next to him.

“I’m ok now, Yugyeom. It happened a long time ago. It’s normal that recalling past memories is painful, but I had no other choice than to learn to live with this reality and memories. I’m truly thankful for the second chance I was given. Thankful to my second father for everything he’s done for me” – Jinyoung paused for a while, taking a deep breath, leading his hand to Yugyeom’s thigh, causing a small shiver to run through the younger’s spine – “Don’t beat yourself up over this, you have no reasons for that, because you did so much more than what I could have ever asked you to.” – He was about to add something else, but his mind forbade him to keep speaking his heart out.

“How did I do that? Because I can’t see how I-”

Jinyoung poked Yugyeom’s forehead annoyingly – “It’s because you’re blind. If I’m telling you this, it’s because I feel it. I’m being honest with you. Don’t you believe me?”

They remained quiet for some seconds, staring at each other. Jinyoung poked again Yugyeom’s forehead to make him say something, anything – “Uhm? Answer me”

But he didn’t. He was about to poke the other’s forehead more insistently. However, Yugyeom caught hold of the older’s arm and leaned forward into a gentle kiss on his forehead. The unexpected response sent a wave of heat through Jinyoung’s body. As they stared deeply into each other’s eyes, Yugyeom carefully cupped Jinyoung’s face in his hands. The older noticed Yugyeom’s cheeks turning reddish as he leaned slowly aiming his lips, as if asking for permission, with half-shut eyes.

He allowed him. He let the younger brush his lips against his easily. Jinyoung moved his lips on the younger’s, showing him that he wanted and felt the same, as eagerness was growing in him. It felt so right at that moment, that Jinyoung set temporarily all problems and thoughts aside, just to focus on the person before him, Kim Yugyeom. As for Yugyeom, he wasn’t scared anymore. He had been feeling, for so long, that something inside him persisted in punish and forbid him of giving a try. Not anymore. The latest days he spent with Jinyoung only gave him bigger reasons to do so, even if he wasn’t sure of the other’s feelings. Now, he was able to cherish their warm moment while it lasted, as their lips crashed together, while their mouths met and savored each other and the grip of Jinyoung’s hand on his thigh got tighter and tighter.

As it had started slow and warm, the pace soon changed. Jinyoung didn’t hesitate in deepening their kiss when he got the chance by slipping his tongue inside the younger’s mouth. It quickly triggered a small moan to leave Yugyeom’s mouth against the soft lips of the older. The ecstasy inside Jinyoung led him to climb onto Yugyeom’s lap, his hands completely cupping his neck, while he was held by the waist, Yugyeom gripping it tightly, letting his fingers slide under Jinyoung’s t-shirt touching and caressing his bare skin underneath. The touch felt divine. The kiss turned even wetter, its intensity increasing every second, every minute, as the blinding ecstasy spiraled through them. Lust burned inside – and outside - Jinyoung as he never felt before. His hardening bulge against Yugyeom’s was not a secret anymore. Hiding it from him was impossible. The urge for friction had Jinyoung spontaneously grinding on the younger’s lap. The latter broke their kiss, panting, and Jinyoung let his forehead fall against his. Trying to catch his breath, Jinyoung observed Yugyeom’s face: he looked astonishing, a soft blush painting his cheekbones, his lips were slightly swollen, his eyes burning in lust. The sight of it caused butterflies in Jinyoung’s stomach. Yugyeom was beautiful and Jinyoung needed him, more than anything in the world.

“Is there anything wrong? Am I hurting you?” – the older asked instinctively, thinking that maybe he went too far when he grinded on him, which caused a shy chuckle to come out of Yugyeom’s mouth. He shook his head lightly, in a wide grin.

“Hyung” - Yugyeom whispered, both looking into each other’s eyes, the sparkle of feelings shining in their gazes, and Jinyoung felt nervous, dizzy, a whirlwind of emotions overflowing inside him as he heard the younger speak.

“Uhm?” – he replied the hum softly, moving closer to Yugyeom’s mouth again, his lips sluggishly enveloping Yugyeom’s bottom lip over and over again, but remaining attentive. Yugyeom let out another small moan, which could easily drive Jinyoung crazy.

“Can I sleep in bed with you tonight?” – he managed to say, between the eagerness of Jinyoung’s lips. The question brought him goosebumps all over his skin as he interrupted his kissing. His inner voices were fighting over the best way for him to answer the question.

Jinyoung faced a flushed Yugyeom and wondered why would he ask that when they were clearly showing each other how much they craved to be together.

Jinyoung’s fingers traced their way from the nape of his neck up to his face, while he caressed gently the younger’s cheek with his thumb.

“I wish you could sleep with me every night, Gyeomie”

He wasn’t used to sound that corny and saying that so straightforwardly made him feel so embarrassed that his inner stubborn voice protested about how dumb he was and looked for showing such _weakness_.

_But was it really a weakness? Wasn’t love supposed to be the most powerful feeling in the whole Universe?_

Yugyeom eyes shined brightly and happily as he faced the boy on top of him. They just stared at each other for a few seconds.

Jinyoung was expecting an answer to leave Yugyeom’s lips, but he was pulled into another deep and wet kiss and then the grinding on his lap came along, once more. He felt the vigorous bulge, the other’s manhood twitching happily under his nightwear shorts, so there was no way Jinyoung was holding it back while their longing tongues rediscovered each other. Yugyeom groaned louder into Jinyoung’s tongue when he rubbed especially hard over their shorts and his reaction encouraged Jinyoung to sneak his hands under Yugyeom’s tank top, slowly rolling it up as if waiting for his permission to take it off. The younger raised his arms, and Jinyoung didn’t think twice and was fast taking it off, removing his own t-shirt too immediately after. The older crashed his lips on Yugyeom’s and then down towards his torso, sucking on his skin, his hands tracing his way towards between both their bulges, fingers sneaking under the elastic waistband of Yugyeom’s shorts. He immediately felt the younger’s hardening cock under him, desperate for a touch, as it evoked a moan from Yugyeom’s throat as soon as Jinyoung gripped and stroked it lightly. It was a pleasant surprise to find out he wasn’t wearing any underwear under his shorts, that Jinyoung was now wishing to be in bed with him. He traced a path with his lips from Yugyeom’s chest to his neck, stealing a pleasurable smile out of his lips, as the older got his lips closer to his ear.

“Do you trust me?”

The frenetic nods were a clear answer to his question, but it wasn’t enough for Jinyoung. He longed to hear his voice.

“Do you?”

“I do, Jinyoungie hyung” – his reply came out as a low whimper.

Jinyoung kept stroking him lightly under his shorts as he whispered his needs - “I want to go to bed with you now, Yugyeomie”.

Yugyeom’s hand covered Jinyoung’s, which was wrapped around his hardness, as he tried to catch his breath, by holding back the stimulation.

“I don’t have anything here. Lube… cond-” – Yugyeom said in a whisper, flushed and sounding frustrated. He realized the younger’s concern, but for Jinyoung, that wasn’t a problem at all.

“Don’t worry, we can find other ways. I just want you to come with me” – as Yugyeom nodded, evidently aroused by his words, Jinyoung stood up, leaving the younger’s lap, and pulled him up by his arms, their bodies gluing at each other’s as they found each other’s mouths again, Jinyoung walking carefully backwards around the sofa to the younger’s room.

From the window upon the bed, the moonlight was the only light source they had, besides the dim light coming from the living room. Yugyeom fell over Jinyoung on the bed, as they kept deeply kissing each other, while the younger reached over and turned the nightstand lamp on. Jinyoung smirked against the other’s lips. Of course, they wanted the light turned on. He wanted to see it all and keep it in his mind for a long time, his face, his body, the marks he planned to leave on him, his twitching after he touched him, how he looked like when he moaned, everything. He was about to turn them over, when Yugyeom simply rolled his hips against Jinyoung’s bulge, as he kissed his neck down to his collarbone, sucking onto the skin as if it screamed “I want you”, purposely wanting to leave a mark, adding large licks all over his bare torso, taking out a loud gasp from Jinyoung. He couldn’t have imagined that the power of those dancing hips would leave him that weak and it still took him a while enjoying the moment in which the man on top of him filled his torso with kisses, intensity decreasing as he reached his scar on his stomach, leaving soft and gentle kisses over it, intensity changing again when he went back to his lips, continuing with the rubbing of their bulges.

Finally, Jinyoung inverted their positions. Straddling Yugyeom’s waist, he remained seated on him observing for a brief second the sculptural body he had below him, the vision of Yugyeom’s expectant eyes, longing for his touch, craving to completely eliminate the layers of clothes that separated their skins down their bodies. He roamed Yugyeom’s chest’s smooth skin with his hands, slowing down the rhythm of their grinding against each other, studying it to the tiniest detail, and leaned down over him placing a kiss over his heart. The younger shivered below him, giggling lightly, but Jinyoung continued leaving sloppy kisses over his heart, silently telling him he treasured his heart and promising to take away his pain. This simple action was sufficient for Yugyeom to grasp that intent. When he had turned that corny? Both of them were clueless.

As his lips were touching the younger’s chest, Jinyoung started by slowly removing the younger’s shorts to release his erection, then he looked at the other’s half-closed eyes and finished taking them off, tossing them aside. All at once, he also removed what covered his own lower body. Yugyeom gasped at the sight of Jinyoung’s hard cock freely out as the older cupped it in his hands, stroking it lightly, while smirking, purposely teasing the other. Yugyeom had so much in his mind, expectant to know what the other was thinking, eager to be touched so bad by this man he had completely fallen in love with. Jinyoung immediately went crashing against Yugyeom’s puffy lips once more, missing them already, joining both throbbing lengths together, finally pressing against each other, skin on skin, warmth on warmth. Jinyoung wished to go further and trailed down his lover’s jaw with kisses, taking his neck on his hand and repaying with a red mark – _later on dark one -_ earning a whimper from the younger. He continued working his way down, lingering for a while on his nipple, when Yugyeom mewled his name “Jinyoungie hyung”.

It felt so good hearing the sound of his own name coming from that beautiful man’s mouth, and he yearned to hear it once again so badly.

He kept working his way down to Yugyeom’s stomach and when he was so close to his shaft, he turned to kiss his thigh, intentionally shifting the intended direction. His wet lips reaching his inner thigh and sending a shiver through Yugyeom.

“Please…”

Yugyeom’s pumping hardness was too much to take and he knew he was already in a mess as soon as he begged for more friction. With a little grin of a mix of tenderness and desire, Jinyoung held Yugyeom’s cock and playfully licked the tip. Swirling his tongue around his head, he then slipped it in his mouth, glancing up to check on the other’s expression. Predictably lost in desire, his moan came loud. His patience was being tested, as Jinyoung played with his head, without going much deeper, giving little and noisy sucks, tongue flicking around, his left hand massaging his balls. Still, only that felt heavenly to Yugyeom that he didn’t dare complaining. When the older slid it deeper in his mouth, as his hand gripped its base applying some friction as well, Yugyeom lost it. He shuddered, as whimpers of pure pleasure resonated through the cabin, in the silence of the night, and no one would hear them. The older had started bobbing his head in a slow rhythm, and Yugyeom could clearly catch the sight of him taking his shaft inside of his mouth, pinky lips in a perfect O surrounding it. He could swear he could come just by watching – _and he wasn’t far from it_ \- especially when Jinyoung took a peek once in a while up to him, to check on his reaction, studying his lover. Trying to refrain for a bit more time, Yugyeom closed his eyes, enjoying the moment, every second getting more intense.

He only went faster after feeling careful hands cupping his head, fingers nestling in Jinyoung’s hair, without forcing to go faster nor deeper, simply as a presence, but at the same time telling something, as if asking him to move a bit faster. Jinyoung complied with it. Yugyeom’s wishes were his commands, after all.

The warm feeling of Jinyoung’s mouth around him, the feeling of his tongue rolling back and forward under him made him repeat his name.

“Jinyoungie hyung…” - Yugyeom mentioned his name, indicating he was close as his dick twitched and that encouraged Jinyoung to take his other hand to jack himself off.

Yugyeom warned beforehand he was about to come, but Jinyoung didn’t mind keep going until the very end. The younger groaned and quivered with his intense release, his orgasm taking some time before Jinyoung could slide his mouth off his length, as he swallowed the semen left in his mouth with no hesitation.

The older stood on his knees and gazed at his lover: he was panting, sweating, a total mess, yet, looking so hot below him. With this in sight, Jinyoung felt his own hand gripping tighter and stroking his penis harder to finish himself off, while fixing his gaze on Yugyeom’s body and while being watched by him. However, the younger sat up quickly to pull Jinyoung closer by his ass, his length closer to his face, while lying back down as an invitation to his own mouth. He then took it into his mouth, almost making the older sit on his face. This action took from Jinyoung the loudest groan Yugyeom could have ever heard, which was highly satisfying.

“Baby...” – Jinyoung bit down on his lip as if suppressing himself from saying anything else. He hated how he usually spit out words like that when aroused. However, Yugyeom loved it. He squeezed Jinyoung’s meaty buttocks more tightly, bringing him deeper into his mouth, securing him. As the older got his balance back, as he was on his knees, he cupped Yugyeom’s head with his hands and pushed himself deeper into his mouth, back and forth, cautious enough as not to make him choke. His thrusts were needy, somewhat erratic, and Yugyeom’s humming and slurping sounds stimulated Jinyoung to a point where he knew he was close. The fact that the younger boy reached Jinyoung’s perineum at a certain point, gently massaging it with his thumb, stole a harsh groan from him as he thrusted in his mouth. Jinyoung wasn’t expecting that, even less was he expecting to feel like he was gradually losing his leg’s strength for being on his knees. The fact that Yugyeom went directly towards that spot didn’t help on that matter.

“Oh, Gyeomie” – his groans were louder and now he didn’t even bother stopping the words from coming out – “You feel so good, you are so good” – when he looked down once more in Yugyeom’s beautiful dark eyes… - “Oh fuck” – he swore as he felt it was time to let it go. He couldn’t hold it anymore.

“I’m coming, baby- I’m- I-”

On the exact moment he reached desperately the climax, he thought of those words. Those three little words he had hidden in his heart, came to surface. He probably only mumbled the “I”, the rest remained unspoken, lost amidst his desperate moans, with the overwhelming sensation of his orgasm taking its time and then finally releasing into his lover’s throat.

Slowly and while panting, he crawled backwards and then collapsed, limp, on Yugyeom’s chest, lying on top of him tired and satisfied, while the younger enveloped his arms around him. As they were catching their breath, nothing stopped them from letting out grins of happiness and pure satisfaction. They were in each other’s arms, after all.

The younger placed a little kiss on the top of his lover’s head, inhaling deeply the shampoo scent.

“Uhm” – Jinyoung purred, closing his eyes, still slightly panting.

“Get under the sheets so you don’t catch a cold, please” – Yugyeom’s voice slightly cracked, but remained sweet. Jinyoung hummed, as if grumbling, but shifted languidly his position and pulled the sheets back to get in bed, while the younger left the bed temporarily to turn the living room’s lamp off. When he returned, after turning the remaining light off, they naturally snuggled into each other, Jinyoung pressing his forehead against Yugyeom’s temple, while his hand rested on the younger’s chest. Jinyoung shut his eyes, too tired to speak, but the other wasn’t ready yet to leave the real word to the dreamland without speaking his mind – _or try to_.

“Hyung”

“Uhm.” – the quick answer led Yugyeom to give up on saying what he wanted.

“Huh… no, never mind”

“What?”

“It’s nothing…”

“Say. It.”

Yugyeom was lost in his thoughts, wondering if maybe he should leave the conversation about _if their thing was real_ or so for the following day, or… he sighed. Then something else came to mind.

“I-I just… would like to hear you singing it again.”

“Sing wha- Oh” – _That_ song.

“But you’re tired, you don’t need to do it! Just rest, hyung!”

However, he made the effort to sing it, drowsily, calmly, just for the person who was in his arms, after such an intimate moment. And as Jinyoung sang and thought about their _next time_ something within him fluttered, his guts, or perhaps his heart. There was going to be a _next time_ , right? He was so sure, and he looked forward to it. Because it meant that next time they would go higher and higher. They would make their bonds stronger. He didn’t care anymore about what his father expected from him, what Jaebum required from him, how he was expected to be by others. He had everything he cherished the most with him and nothing and no one could take that away from him.

 _Or so he thought_.

He ended the song with a small chuckle. Yugyeom didn’t even ask what that was for, since he was close to completely falling asleep. Placing a lingering peck on Yugyeom’s soft cheek, Jinyoung soon joined the younger in slumberland, as a curious starry sky peeped in through the window. The night proved to be beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As for the song Jinyoung sang to Yugyeom, it’s up to your imagination which you’d like it to be ^^ (I have one in mind, but you know how it works, it’s up to yall’s imagination!)
> 
> And ignore any mistakes you may find, it's pretty late here where I am but I HAD TO publish this chapter today.
> 
> Btw, in case you’re curious about the progress state for the fic, you can visit my fanfics’ promotion TWT account @GoldenTigerFics. You don’t really need to follow, but in case you wonder “Where the hell is she?! Where is the next chapter!?”, this account will answer your questions^^


	6. The Truth Unfolded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Then it’s time to tell you a story about your Jinyoung hyung”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1st I'm very sorry for being one of those writers who take ages to write a chapter but right now I can't be writing 2000 characters and publish it. I wouldn't have ideas for titles for each of those short chapters :(  
> 2nd Similarly to the previous chapter, this one can be triggering to some people.  
> 3rd I won’t say a thing about what’s about to come. However, get ready. Anything can happen. I recommend you to read the final notes ONLY in the end (spoilers?).

The bright rays of sunlight streaming through the window woke Jinyoung up in the morning. Half asleep, he opened one eye to take a quick glance over him at the long forgotten wide-open curtains and automatically rubbed his eyes, slowly adjusting them to the light in the room. A sigh left his lips and, as one of his arms fell resting lazily over his eyes blocking the intense light, memories of the previous night flooded back to him: the feeling of _his_ touch still lingering on Jinyoung’s body, those lustful dark eyes piercing him, impassioned lips wandering his skin, the voice that shamelessly cried out his name.

A shudder ran down him as he felt his morning wood twitch in response. Turning his head to his side, he looked at Yugyeom lying on his stomach next to him still deep asleep. His eyes roamed over the younger’s bare back, bed sheets covering his lower body. Jinyoung’s eyes then moved to his rosy lips slightly parted and a gentle smile grew on his face, while his hand instinctively reached for Yugyeom’s cheek and caressed it. As soon as he touched the younger’s skin, a second and stronger twitch screamed for his attention.

“Ok, enough of this!” he mumbled in his head in an attempt to brush those thoughts aside, while he briskly pushed aside the sheets in order to search for his boxers, which had been tossed somewhere in the room on the previous night. Thanks to all the noise Jinyoung made with leaving bed and with eventually stubbing his little toe against the bedpost and cursing at it, Yugyeom rolled over in bed, stretching his arms over his head.

“Is this heaven?” – Jinyoung heard the murmur behind him while he was bending down to pick his boxers up. He turned back disconcerted to find a mischievous and somewhat embarrassed smirk on Yugyeom’s face, eyes still fighting against the morning sun. - “That’s a sight worth dying for”

The older stared at him with a mix of annoyance and embarrassment and when he finally was capable of reacting, he threw his boxers with all his strength against Yugyeom’s face, grumbling – “Heaven my ass!”

The younger burst out in laughter – “You bet!”

“Huh?!” – Jinyoung didn’t clearly catch the double entendre he just made. – “Anyway, gimme that back”

“Hyung… I advise you to consider your words carefully next time. And I’ll keep this, now. Thanks!” – Yugyeom rolled over again once more, hiding the underwear under his head using it as a pillow and shutting his eyes right after.

“Urgh! Give it back!” – Jinyoung jumped heavily on top of Yugyeom trying to reach his underwear, the younger laughing so hard not even minding the weight of Jinyoung’s body on top of him – _nor minding the feeling of his hardness against the skin of his back_. Yugyeom wasn’t intending to let go of what the other wanted. However, instead of giving up, the older changed his tactic and luckily found the younger’s weakness: tickles.

“No, no, no, stop it!” – Yugyeom squealed when the older found his ticklish spots, giggling and squirming in bed, allowing Jinyoung to recover his stolen underwear.

“Fuck yeah!” – A grin of pure victory appeared on Jinyoung’s face, while he was sitting on the younger’s torso, waving the “ _prize”_ right in front of Yugyeom’s eyes. The other responded with a pout and a snort as he tried to pull the older off of him.

Jinyoung held the younger’s arms against bed and straddled him tightly, keeping him still - “Don’t be such a baby!”

“You love to call me baby, don’t you?” – Yugyeom’s cheekiness shocked the older.

“Kim Yugyeom!” – oh, that non-stop teasing… Annoying! Jinyoung held back a chuckle and then went back to tickling the younger. Shortly after making Yugyeom suffer for a bit longer, he hugged him from behind, not leaving space between their bodies. How was it possible that that brat was so innocent and naughty at the same time?!

“You…” – Jinyoung leaned closer, whispering indistinctly in the younger’s ear. Soon after, he swiftly climbed off the younger’s back and walked to the door, clearly showing his intention of showering as he picked up his clothes he left neatly folded on the chest of drawers the previous night.

Yugyeom, who was left expectant, instinctively lift his head widening his eyes – “Shower?!”

“Yep”

“Can I join you?!” – the pleading in Yugyeom’s eyes was unmistakable. The younger turned around sitting up on the bed and shoved the sheets that covered him out of the way, showing off his erection blatantly.

Jinyoung was already standing outside of the room and, when Yugyeom changed position, the older’s eyes automatically fell on his manhood. He arched his right eyebrow with an alluring gaze, his eyes going back to look into Yugyeom’s, as he retorted – “You wish” – and disappeared towards the bathroom, causing the sulky boy to fall back onto the bed disappointed.

While showering, Jinyoung’s mind persisted in reminiscing the moment Yugyeom moaned his name. He shuddered, nostalgic, looking down at his erection and wondering what to do with it, his heart mollifying with affection every time he thought of the younger. It took him ages to finish his shower.

 

“Yugyeom?” – as Jinyoung walked out of the bathroom, he called for the younger out loud, without getting a reply. “Where is he?”. He looked around in the bedroom, living room, kitchen, everywhere. Yugyeom was nowhere to be found. As the older stood still for a moment, he heard a muffled song coming from somewhere outside.  Jinyoung reached the front door to check where the music was coming from and followed its sound, which led him to the second smaller cabin. As he carefully opened the door and peeped inside through the crack in the door, he saw Yugyeom – _notice that he was fully dressed in his sportswear, unlike when Jinyoung left him back in bed_ – freestyling in front of a huge mirror, as the stereo played some Hip-Hop/R &B song. The room was very spacious, but Jinyoung didn’t pay attention to any of it. His head was leaning against the door and his eyes focused each and every of Yugyeom’s moves, a tender smile present on his lips.

When Yugyeom noticed the older’s presence, Jinyoung found himself trying to hide from his sight. Yugyeom turned off the music, panting, as he wiped a few drops of sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand.

“Come on in” – Yugyeom invited the older and sat on the floor resting with his legs wide spread. As the older came him, he scanned the whole room. It had been basically turned into some sort of a dance studio, even though he could see closets, shelves and even a washing machine at the end of it.

“I thought this was some kind of a storage room”

“It is. Kind of. I basically turned it into my small private dance studio” – Yugyeom grinned widely before taking a large sip of the water bottle he had with him. The older wondered how on earth Yugyeom’s parents complied with it and why on earth he was practicing in the morning and especially when he had people over - _him_.

“You’re such a spoiled kid” – Jinyoung shook his head. - “Anyway, so, you basically came to practice in the morning to purposely show me the room, was that it?”

Yugyeom gave a chuckle and shook his head - “Yes. And no. It’s actually part of my routine every time I come here. I wake up early in the morning, take my breakfast and start off my day with some dance moves. As for today, since you were taking too long and I was bored, I just came”

Jinyoung frowned his eyebrows thinking that he didn’t take that long, or maybe he did, though that wasn’t important anyway - “Have you even eaten? Don’t forget I must be back in town by lunch time, hurry up with your shower”

Yugyeom grimaced at him - “I guess you have no idea how long you took. Probably having fun by yourself? We could have saved time if we had showered together, but whatever” – he rolled his eyes teasingly.

The older boy ignored the other’s first remark and shook his head mumbling a question - “You didn’t eat anything, have you? What am I going to do with you…?” – and got a shoulder shrug in response. He then looked around, curious eyes roaming over every storage furniture in the room.

“You can look around if you want to, while I shower. There’s not much. Tools? Blankets? Books? DVDs? Old stuff?”- Jinyoung got closer to the shelf filled with books as one in particular, totally out of place, caught his attention. – “My mom loves to read, so she stores many of her books here. We also keep our photo albums on that upper shelf, you can take a look! And… Oh no - Yugyeom interrupted his train of thoughts and widened his eyes, alarmed. He stood up clumsily, sprinting towards the older, who had caught a black notebook lost amidst the rest of the books, and snatched what he found out of his hands, hiding it behind his back. – “Right…. Now it’s ok! You can take a look” – a nervous smile covered his face as he tried to convince Jinyoung to ignore what he had in his hands. The older knitted his brows, trying to take a second glance at what the younger was insistently hiding behind him. What was all the secrecy for? Perhaps… - “Is that a diary?” – Jinyoung’s curiosity increased and he tried to take hold of the mysterious notebook from Yugyeom’s back, but the younger was faster hiding it under his t-shirt.

“It’s not! No!” – the other was still trying taking hold of it - “Don’t try to read it, please!”

“Why so much secrecy? If it’s not a diary, there’s no problem in…”

“Ahh, Hyung! Don’t be curious! I write down notes of ideas for choreographies and…” - the tall boy sighed – “… fine, some personal thoughts and feelings too. I haven’t written for a while, though. But still, please don’t…”

The older looked intensely into Yugyeom’s eyes, while his hands instinctively slid down the younger’s arms and up again, reassuringly, tenderly. - “I won’t read it, unless you’re willing to share it with me. I promise I won’t” – his smile grew softer - “But don’t forget I’m here for you, anytime. You can trust me”

Yugyeom melted at Jinyoung’s words, touch and gaze. The last think he wished to do was to hurt the other’s feelings because of that, but he sounded very understanding.

“Now go take your shower so we can have breakfast together”

Whether Yugyeom had written something he was ashamed of or that was too personal to share with anyone _,_ either way, Jinyoung would never read it against the younger’s will.

The taller boy nodded, smiling in relief and pulled Jinyoung’s face closer, planting a lasting kiss on his lips, before leaving the older in the room behind stupefied, hearth throbbing in his chest. “I am completely whipped, aren’t I?” he thought, admitting defeat, while taking one of Yugyeom’s photo albums in his hands and flicking through it.

He definitely needed to finish the report, for the sake of their newly started relationship. Jinyoung couldn’t bear to remember the occasion in which they met, why they specifically met, and he just hoped to put those thoughts behind him. But would he genuinely be able to forget it? Jinyoung took a deep breath as he observed the little baby Yugyeom in the picture before his eyes, striking some silly pose. That photo caused a loving smile to appear on Jinyoung’s lips. The sweet, energetic and enthusiastic little kid in front of his eyes hadn’t change a bit.

His grin didn’t leave his face for the rest of their morning together, from their breakfast until their bus trip back to town.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Jinyoung arrived at the convenience store around 12 pm to find his father’s employee behind the counter. “Right! They switched shifts today” Jinyoung totally forgot what his old man had told him the last time they were together. He went rushing home, convinced he would have delicious food awaiting him.

Unlike what he expected, a not so welcoming reception awaited him. As soon as entered the living room he saw his father and Jaebum sitting in the couch, staring at him in a very unfriendly way.

“Oh, you’re alive” – the irony in his father’s words along with his severe expression puzzled Jinyoung. His eyes then turned back to his friend. Jaebum was sitting still by Jinyoung’s old man’s side with his legs crossed. Sungsoo scrutinized his son’s confused face and continued. - “Haven’t you been lazing around too much?”

He was completely appalled by his father’s words. He tried to put them together in order to make sense in his head, but unsuccessfully. Lazing around? So, he had been working his ass off to be told he was lazing around?! Couldn’t he even rest for a single day? Fine, his father didn’t even know half of what Jinyoung did. Every time he left home with his camera and didn’t mention _Minhyuk_ in whatever he was going to do, Sungsoo assumed immediately Jinyoung was on his _day off_. He wouldn’t even take his freelance activity seriously.

“I was… working. I have been working, dad” – he managed to retort, even though the first half of his reply wasn’t _exactly – not at all -_ true. All of that didn’t seem right. What had Jaebum told him?

JB snorted out of incredulity as he heard his friend’s answer, which caused Jinyoung to bat his lashes in confusion – _what the fuck was going on there?!_

Sungsoo stood up and faced his son – “Jaebum is here to talk to you. He arrived half an hour ago looking for you. The two of us can have this conversation later. Now, I need to come by the store to get some vegetables. Lunch will be ready in an hour” – he was about to head towards the door when he halted his pace – “Oh, and by the way, you left your phone at home”

A stinging shiver went down Jinyoung’s back and he swallowed hard. His throat was so dry that he tried to gulp but hardly made it. - “For someone who was supposedly working, that’s unacceptable. And _unprofessional_. Jaebum, feel free to join us for lunch” – the old man finished, without waiting for a reply, and disappeared through the door, leaving both Jinyoung and Jaebum behind alone.

One of the rules he had set with his father since he could remember, was to always bring his phone with him anywhere he goes, particularly when working on missions. It was needless to say that they knew he hadn’t been busy working the previous night, otherwise he would have noticed long ago that something was missing. Someone is bound to barely remember he has a phone when there is definitely some _distraction_ keeping him away from the real world. Why would he need it whatsoever when he had something more important taking all his attention away?

Then Jinyoung noticed. The device he had left behind was in Jaebum’s possession, placed on his hand raised right in front of him. “I fucking hope he hasn’t read my text messages, nor seen my call history, fuck off if…”

“How was your night? Did you have a pleasurable sleep, Jinyoungie?” – the sarcastic tone in JB’s voice disgusted Jinyoung. “He read them” he concluded, his exasperation overflowing, as they stared fiercely at each other. In that moment, they hear a notification sound coming from Jinyoung’s phone. Jaebum lifted his eyebrows, putting on a fake expression of surprise – “Oh, who’s this?” – he clenched his jaw as he read the message received out loud without a second thought – “Did you arrive home safely?” – Something in his tone emphasized what followed right after - “I miss you already…”

Jinyoung despised having to hear those words – endearing words – coming out from Jaebum’s mouth steeped in sarcasm. He felt helpless, unable to respond to anything, his legs threatening to give in at any moment. “Fuck, Yugyeom, why now?!”. He tried to reach his phone but it was hard to move. Jaebum wasn’t being helpful either.

“And you, Jinyoungie? Do you miss _him_?”

In a quick and aggressive move, Jinyoung managed to snatch his phone out of the other’s hand, turning his back on him immediately after. JB brutally stood up from the sofa and grasped hold of Jinyoung’s elbow, stopping him from moving away – “DON’T turn your back on me, I’m talking to YOU! The least you can do is look me in the eyes!”

Jinyoung looked back at him - “I don’t talk with people who don’t trust me. Snooping on my fucking phone?! Reading my fucking messages?! Never thought you’d stoop this low.” – His blood boiled in anger at his old friend’s shameless actions that it was now too hard to control his emotions.

“I had reasons not to trust you, apparently. This message proves it” – as the mullet boy said this, his eyes fell on Jinyoung’s neck and collarbone, partially hidden by his shirt, lingering there. Something in particular had caught his full attention.

“WHAT reasons?! I have the right to do my job the way I want to!”

Jaebum’s eyes went back up to study Jinyoung’s, arching a brow in doubt – “Oh… For real? Then give me a reasonable explanation for this” - Firmly pulling Jinyoung’s collar aside, Jaebum uncovered the light purple love mark Yugyeom left on Jinyoung’s neck the night before. Jinyoung shoved away Jaebum’s hand violently – “Don’t touch me!”

“I can’t touch you. But he can.” – the mullet boy hissed, controlling his fury. – “I see… your _work_ is _that easy_. What a great of a night you must’ve had, Jinyoung”

If he had followed his instincts, Jaebum would have been punched as soon as he started talking on that day. Why wouldn’t he shut up?! Jinyoung thought how stupid he was for having left his phone at home. Even worse, the height of stupidity was that it didn’t even cross his mind to hide the hickey when he had been clearly admiring it in the mirror back at Yugyeom’s cabin. He couldn’t have been more careless than this. Did he think he could be showing it around like that? Stupid, stupid, stupid. All of that was his own fault. However, Jaebum didn’t have the right to meddle in his personal life just because he had feelings for him. At least **not** like that.

“Are you nuts?! Who the hell touched me?! What THE FUCK are you suggesting?! I’m done with your insinuations, just tell me straightforward WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT” – Jinyoung, at this point, was out of his mind. He shoved JB away, who was strongly gripping on his arm.

“I’m the one looking for answers! Don’t be such a pussy and face me! Just admit it! What have you been doing, Jinyoung?! You hang out with this guy all the time, you don’t even report to me most of the meetings both of you have! What about evidences and facts? You brought me nothing! Yet, you are constantly defending him. Have you taken a second look at the text messages you exchanged? Disgusting. Never thought you were this corny before!” – Jaebum shook his head laughing unwillingly – “Not to mention that the few calls you had with him lasted almost 2 hours and that you even stayed over at his place, I repeat, without _my_ knowledge! Doing what? I wonder” – Jaebum snorted – “Easy to guess, right? _I miss you_? It speaks for itself, doesn’t it, Jinyoungie? HEIN?!” – JB seemed like he wanted to spit, but controlled himself. – “Are you playing house with Yugyeom now?! Acting like what? Some pathetic little couple?! Do you think I’m stupid?! Do you think I don’t know that’s a hickey?!” – he snorted mockingly – “I got a ton of those in my whole life, it’s impossible to fool me!”

“I’ve been doing what you requested me to. And YEAH it’s true, we became close and I can assure you, I would stick my neck out for it, he has nothing to do with that fucking drug scam. Fuck you!” – Jinyoung endured quietly all the accusations JB threw in his face and waited for his turned to speak. Like it or not, Jinyoung could never deny that everything Jaebum said were facts. The best way out he found was to make _his friend_ see how a much of a dickhead he was. – “Yugyeom was upset because he felt he didn’t do enough for a friend. Because he couldn’t avoid the worse! He felt as if he was lacking as a friend! Not because he killed anyone for drugs nor deceived her to get her telling him the whereabouts of your fucking drugs, none of that! He was still grieving her death! I can’t even understand how your pathetic informer got you that info and you fell for it like a sucker! Haven’t you ever thought that _your friend_ made up all these accusations to incriminate him on purpose? Maybe someone is jealous of him? Maybe _your friend_ deceived you into believing this shit! Yugyeom is completely innocent! And if you can’t see that, if you can’t trust me on that, there’s nothing else I can do for you!” – Jinyoung let his emotions get the best of him and didn’t mind the fact he was being too loud, fists clenching in fury.

“Watch your manners, I’m older than you” – JB’s tone came out cold and in a hiss. The disappointment and resentment were covering his traits, but he pretended he ignored all the words Jinyoung spat out, bearing only _one_ thing in mind.

“Uh-huh, I see. So, you’re totally whipped for him. Hein? Say it in my face, I dare you, you’re gay for him, aren’t you? You fucked each other last night, didn’t you? – he laughed unwillingly, gritting his teeth – “You let that thing touch you…” – he snorted, looking disgusted at the thought.

Pissed at the other’s tone of voice and insult, Jinyoung grabbed him threateningly by his shirt as if he was going to punch him hard. Jaebum remained still, staring at him, a mix of fear and scorn visible in his eyes - “Are you going to punch me now for stating the truth?”

“That thing”?! How could he fucking call Kim Yugyeom a “thing”?! Jinyoung was fuming with anger, but he gathered all the efforts to get hold of himself and reply cleverly. Relaxing his facial muscles, he pulled Jaebum’s collar closer to his face, close enough in order to affect the other’s senses, as he looked provokingly at him. As if in a whisper, his words came out aiming to hit JB’s Achilles’ heel.

“So that’s what this is all about? About touching me?” – he smirked in disgust, rolling his eyes. Then he looked back into Jaebum’s eyes – “What about you? How does it feel to be gay for me? You won’t even get to touch me decently, because I won’t let you. How sad is that?” – Jinyoung’s face showed blatant insolence, as if he wanted to purposely hurt Jaebum. He didn’t care anymore. - “Jealousy is a bitter pill to swallow, isn’t it?” – there was a smirk of disdain in Jinyoung’s face as he pushed the older away from his grip, leaving him frozen in his place. It felt as if Jaebum’s soul had vanished from his body, as he literally turned white and devastation ran over his features.

“I’ll send you an email with the final report tomorrow” – before leaving, Jinyoung didn’t hesitate in making it clear he wasn’t interested in being involved in any of that anymore – “And, by the way, I don’t want the money for this worthless mission. Keep it for yourself” – and turned his back on the other, rushing to his room and locking the door behind him in case JB had a fit and decided to get in his room. However, he didn’t follow Jinyoung. As much quietly as possible, Jaebum left the house, passing by Jinyoung’s father on his way out to inform him his mom was expecting him for lunch, hurrying to leave towards somewhere too far away to be seen by any human being. He certainly needed time for himself.

Jinyoung tossed himself on his bed, lying down on his stomach, his eyes stinging with tears out of frustration. “Fuck Jinyoung, fuck, now you’re crying like this” his complaints left in angry whimpers. Why did that have to happen? His friendship with Jaebum was deteriorating as time went by and he didn’t know what to do at that point.

The young boy remained lying on bed helpless, when he then weakly focused his attention to the message received from Yugyeom. “I miss you already…”. Managing to type with one hand he was about to reply as “I miss you too. So much”. Instead, he decided to erase it and respond differently – “I want to go back. Next weekend? I’ll take my car this time”

The reply didn’t take long to arrive “Next weekend seems perfect! If you really want to take your car then alright. Can you pick me up on Saturday at 9:30?”

Jinyoung’s simple answer of a thumbs up was his last, as he fell asleep almost instantly. He had lost all his energy.

Yugyeom knew already something was off – “Are you okay?” – his last message was left unanswered until Jinyoung woke up 3 hours later, feeling significantly better – even if having skipped lunch - and reassured the younger boy.

Fortunately for him, the talk with his father turned out well – _he didn’t even know the half of what happened with Jaebum, but Jinyoung wasn’t going to tell him anyway_. – He partially lied, and convinced him he had been working for the ongoing mission, then apologized for being irresponsible and that was it. Sungsoo didn’t say much besides warning him to be careful next time, but Jinyoung was sure he wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The weather had been showing signs of cooling down and the sky threatened to pour anytime soon, as fall was setting in. That didn’t seem to bother Jinyoung, though, who was at some cafe pretending to be immersed in the reading of the local newspaper. Friday finally arrived, after a week of working on Andrew’s case, on his photography freelance work and even having meetings with the agency for the upcoming rehearsals for the series he was about to take part of.

He couldn’t say he was excited to be at that cafe, since the reason that took him there was Minhyuk’s stubbornness in keeping him stalking Andrew – he needed more material. - Considering the guy wasn’t working at the market on that day, for some reason – _maybe laziness_ – Jinyoung was forced to stay there for 45 minutes.

Andrew was by himself, eating, drinking, then checking his phone and then writing down some notes for the whole time, which was highly annoying Jinyoung. He was just too bored of staying there looking at nothing. Why wasn’t the dude leaving?!

In that instance, a tall figure stepped in the cafe with a soaked umbrella in hands. “When has it started raining?” – Jinyoung wondered after having seen the umbrella, as he looked behind that same figure at the door. “It’s indeed raining cats and dogs, gladly I brought my raincoat with m….”

His thoughts were cut short by the sudden realization. Jinyoung involuntarily and clumsily hid his face behind the newspaper - “No, no, no, not you, not now, you can’t be here!” – if Yugyeom saw him it would be the end. He took a deep breath and moved the newspaper slightly down carefully taking a quick glance at Andrew shaking hands with the younger.

Jinyoung held back a gasp, petrified. That couldn’t be, he couldn’t be in contact with _him_?! Jinyoung left all the cameras he had with him untouched, and kept peeking over the newspaper at them. Yugyeom ordered some sandwich and a hot drink while at Andrew’s table and for the following 10 minutes they kept chatting and laughing at something he couldn’t figure out what. What kind of tomfoolery was that?! Not that it was his business whoever Yugyeom hung out with, but with so many people in the world, why did it have to be Andrew? Jinyoung remained with his fist clenched, trying too hard to hide himself from their sight.

A while later, both men stood up. Luckily, Yugyeom didn’t notice the other, while on their way towards the door. Jinyoung also stood up very quickly and ran towards the storefront window to watch them going left under Yugyeom’s umbrella. He struggled with himself about whether he should stalk them or not and decided to do so – even if he had to hide that part from Minhyuk to protect Yugyeom? He just needed to know what was all of that. “Why, Kim Yugyeom, why? Why with that scumbag?!”

Yugyeom and Andrew stepped in the latter’s car and Jinyoung was already outside of the cafe when he immediately changed his mind. He couldn’t stalk them with his car, Yugyeom would recognize him, for sure. The rain was hitting the older’s face hard when he was forced to give up. However, he was determined to ask Yugyeom bluntly about it. He could pretend he saw him by chance when he was on his work’s break, right? He couldn’t stalk them. He shouldn’t put his cover at risk, not when Yugyeom was involved. He couldn’t know.

Jinyoung went back to his car under the pouring rain, without even minding taking out his raincoat and definitely not resigned at all to any of what he had seen. He was determined to conceal all of that from Minhyuk, because if he knew things would much likely turn out nightmarish. What Jinyoung wasn’t aware of nor counting on was that Jaebum was standing inside his own car at the corner of the street, watching everything from afar.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Did you know that my mom was about to come with me this weekend?” – on that Saturday, as planned, Jinyoung and Yugyeom’s 1h30 trip was happening. Jinyoung was driving for already 10 minutes towards Yugyeom’s cabin, when Yugyeom informed him of his mom’s intention.

“Huh…?”

“I had to make up the excuse that I was bringing _friends_ over and she started lecturing me, as if I had done something wrong! She was worried that we would tear the whole house apart. As if any of my friends would?!”

“Jackson would”

“Ah! True… It happened once” – he agreed thinking deeply the last time Jackson slept over his house and he broke his center table after standing up on it – “Oooh, that’s why” – the younger then thought of something and showed a smirk squinting at Jinyoung – “I guess we have to be extra careful tonight, then” – Jinyoung was too distracted to react to the younger’s suggestive remark, which upset Yugyeom.

“You’re too quiet… Is everything alright, hyung?”

“Oh! Yeah, I’m fine, I’m paying attention to the road” – Jinyoung was pretending to be focused on the street, but his mind was working 100 km/h full of ideas, thoughts and concerns.

“I mean, if you don’t want to go it’s ok, we can go back anytime. You’ve been acting so quiet since earlier… Is it because I’m being too annoying? I’m sorry…” – the younger apologized, feeling like perhaps Jinyoung didn’t want his company. It could be that he didn’t feel the same way about him, after all. Maybe the older felt lonely the other day and Yugyeom’s feelings were one-sided and Jinyoung was trying to put into words exactly that? Those thoughts unsettled the younger.

“What? No! It’s nothing like that! You’re not annoying and I don’t want to go back” – the younger’s reply made Jinyoung panic a bit, but even so, he wasn’t capable of saying more than that.

“Then what’s wrong? Are you mad at me?”

The older slightly frowned, shaking his head and replying in a sigh - “No, I’m not”

Utter silence fell on the car. Yugyeom didn’t say a word in return, nor Jinyoung dared to elaborate his answer. But Jinyoung couldn’t let his worries and questions drag on for too long, he had to get things straight and end with the awkward silence between them.

“I saw you yesterday” – he was blunt and direct, while staring at the road in front of him. Yugyeom noticed a vague expression on his face.

“Oh” – the younger seemed even more disappointed than before – “I didn’t see you… You didn’t come greet me” – Yugyeom was only thinking that Jinyoung was definitely seeing them as some fling, how stupid of him to think otherwise. But what about when he sang to him? What about him kissing over his heart, the mutter of his name repeatedly? Why all of that if it was _just_ _a fling_?

“You were leaving a cafe with some dude, I didn’t have the chance to” – he lied as he grimaced in regret.

“Oh, yeah. Andrew hyung. He’s a cool guy” – Yugyeom wondered whether Jinyoung was jealous after all, but he knew nothing anymore.

“Where do you know him from?” – Yugyeom asked himself why the other was asking all of those questions all of a sudden? Was it to eliminate the awkwardness between them two for the past couple of minutes?

“He is one of Mark and Hyunwoo hyung’s friend. We went to Mark hyung’s house to play Overwatch yesterday” – Yugyeom pulled a face – “They do that quite often. I met Andrew hyung yesterday by coincidence, it was raining and he had the sudden idea of a LAN party at Mark’s house. Since I hadn’t much to do I went along”

 _“Hyunwoo again…”_ Jinyoung thought to himself. He sighed heavily and replied in a mumble how it was good to play some games with friends once in a while.

“It was cool. The rest of the crew members were busy with their stuff, so there was no dance practice yesterday. And you told me you were busy with work, that’s why I didn’t invite you anywhere…”

A silent nod came from the older. The silence didn’t fade away, it only became deeper. Jinyoung was way more relieved, but yet he had a sinking feeling about his relationship with those guys.

“Are you really mad at me, hyung?” – the younger was now looking down upset, trying not to overthink it.

“No, no! I’m not mad at you… - Jinyoung’s hand reached the younger’s thigh in order to reassure him with his touch – “Just… concerned”

“Why…?”

Jinyoung replied to his question with a forced smile and shook his head – “Never mind” – if only he had remained shut….

Yugyeom didn’t answer, unlike Jinyoung was expecting. He didn’t understand what reason would there be for him to be concerned and he wasn’t answering anyway. Besides, seeing Jinyoung keeping some distance with his silence – _even if he touched him, Yugyeom strongly sensed the distance_ – wasn’t much of a help.

~

 

Jinyoung had his arms folded over the sofa in the living room and rested his chin on his arms as he watched Yugyeom making their bed. He was aware it was his fault that they had barely spoken to each other for the past hour in the car, perhaps some small talk here and there, and he wasn’t proud of it. He shouldn’t have let himself dwell on that issue. Even if he couldn’t trust Andrew, he deeply trusted Yugyeom, so what was making him so uncomfortable?

“I swear, if that shithead includes Yugyeom in any of his schemes, I’ll make him regret it”. He exhaled deeply and left the sofa towards Yugyeom, who was preparing the blanket. Without hesitation, the older embraced him from behind, their bodies fitting perfectly against each other, resting his chin on Yugyeom’s shoulder and breathing in his scent. Still affected by how the older treated him, the younger replied distantly - “Let me finish this, hyung”.

The older stepped back, the rejection in Yugyeom’s cold tone pricking his heart. Fair enough. Jinyoung crossed his arms and leaned against the door jamb, sulky.

“I missed you” - His cheeks turned hotter as he heard those words being blurted out by his own mouth.

The younger boy stayed put where he was, without really knowing whether he should ignore or just face him and ask what had been wrong with him a while back.  He turned back to find the sight of an upset Jinyoung averting his gaze once their eyes met.

Jinyoung’s velvet words had softened his heart. Perhaps he was jealous, after all. - “Did you really miss me, hyung?” – Yugyeom asked to be sure he heard right. Jinyoung’s eyes were for a moment back to the younger’s face, then he looked away once more and nodded, a tender smile appearing on his lips. Then his smile became smaller as he answered in regret – “I’m sorry I upset today, it’s just that I’ve missed you and you’ve never mentioned that friend in your life and-”

“And you were jealous?” – Yugyeom chuckled happily letting go of what he was doing as he stepped closer to the older. Well, Jinyoung wasn’t really going to admit that he was a _little bit_ jealous, but that wasn’t even the biggest of reasons. That guy was bad news, Yugyeom had to cut him out of his life. However, he couldn’t say that in such a carefree manner.

He shrugged his shoulders - “You could be hiding something from me, who knows”

“He’s not really a close friend” – Yugyeom reached for the older boy’s hands so that he could hold them – “and I would never hide anything from you. I guess you already know everything about me”

Jinyoung nodded, accepting the younger’s hands. Yugyeom stepped closer, shortening the distance between them and planted a soft kiss on the older’s lips. After parting, a shy smile appeared on his face without hiding his happiness and he wrapped his arms around Jinyoung’s waist for a hug. His voice still resonated through his heart with those same words – “What was that that you said? Would you please refresh my memory?”

Jinyoung let out a grin of slight annoyance, not bothering to repeat himself. Or rather, he repeated it in another way. Pulling slightly away from their embrace, he crashed his lips against Yugyeom’s passionately. He had undoubtedly missed them. And he knew they wouldn’t take long until they were in _utter_ need for each other: their tongues were making love to each other, little teasing bites on each other’s lips, as little moans vibrated through each other’s mouths. And it felt like home.

Sloppy sounds echoed in the room as Jinyoung guided Yugyeom slowly backwards towards the bed. Breaking their heated kiss, the older shoved his tall lover down onto the bed and climbed on top of him, straddling his waist. Their bulges touching each other felt familiar and intimate, and Yugyeom had to bit on his own lip to control his carving for Jinyoung’s mouth.

His face came closer to Yugyeom’s, the latter’s lustful dark eyes lost in his, rosy and gently swollen lips half-parted awaiting his. Jinyoung couldn’t help admiring his beauty, every expression and feature that he had already studied in detail before. And even though nothing changed on his features, somehow, Yugyeom looked more stunning than ever before in Jinyoung’s eyes.

“I missed you so fucking much, Gyeomie”

“I missed you too… hyung” – after those words left his mouth, the younger threw a glance at his backpack thrown on the armchair present in his room as if signaling something, and Jinyoung was sure he knew what he meant. The older showed a loving grin and placed a little kiss on Yugyeom’s forehead, trailing several more down his nose until he reached the younger’s mouth. Jinyoung’s tongue brushed against Yugyeom’s lips finding its way inside, amongst small moans coming from the deepest of their throats. Avoiding to part their lips for too long, they helped each other undress their shirts hastily and continued their passionate kiss until Jinyoung pinned Yugyeom’s hands on the bed by intertwining their fingers, restricting his movements. He stood still staring at the younger beneath him, as if selecting carefully the words he intended to utter, which made Yugyeom slightly anxious.

“Wha….?”

“Let me ride you” – Jinyoung interrupted abruptly, feeling that all the time he spent thinking had been a waste. He felt the heat on his face increase, but didn’t hesitate in reinforcing his request – “Please, let me ride you”

Not that they had ever talked about their preferences, but the thought of Jinyoung simply going hard all the way down his length blurred Yugyeom’s senses to a point he was just able to frenetically nod his head, while waves of heat went through his whole body. His senses were awakened and he felt more than ready to touch him and to be touched. Ready for the sight of his body, for the sounds of Jinyoung’s moans and, most of all, ready for their two souls to come together as one.

Jinyoung didn’t think twice, in a heartbeat he rejoined their lips and, only after making sure Yugyeom was ready to part, his mouth slid down his jaw to his neck where his previous light marks on the skin were long gone. He made sure they would be back even darker, which caused Yugyeom to whimper loudly at it.

In that moment, they heard Jinyoung’s phone ring. Yugyeom woke up from his daze, getting more aware of what surrounded them instead of merely focusing on Jinyoung. The latter completely ignored the phone call and kept kissing and nibbling Yugyeom’s skin as he moved his mouth down his chest, wishing that whoever was calling him would fuck off.

“Your phone…” – Yugyeom gasped, trying to call the other’s attention to it – “Hyung?” – Jinyoung interrupted his trail of love left on the younger’s skin, irritated. He dismounted Yugyeom to reach his phone left forgotten in the living room and didn’t even mind reading the name of whoever was calling him, turning the phone immediately off and tossing it at the sofa, luckily landing safe and sound on it. He turned his attention again to Yugyeom.

“Wait, wait! It might be important” – Jinyoung pinned Yugyeom’s hands again and leaned closer.

“It’s not” – Jinyoung whispered – “YOU are”

Yugyeom’s stomach twisted as he heard those words. He leaned his head upwards to reach Jinyoung’s mouth and, for a moment, Jinyoung’s hands loosened up as he lost the strength in his whole body. Yugyeom took advantage of it to turn them around, placing himself on top of the older.

Jinyoung was caught off guard with the sudden turn and batted his eyelids looking confused at Yugyeom.

“May I help...?” – his hands roamed firmly over Jinyoung’s chest down to his pants, unzipping them, as he tried to convey his message. Jinyoung took a few seconds to realize that his boy intended to help him warm up and chuckled, letting him pull his pants and boxers off all at once. Quickly leaving the bed to grab his backpack, Yugyeom took out the lube and condoms he bought specifically to keep in the drawers of his nightstand at their now love nest, and returned to Jinyoung, whose eyes never left the younger boy, spreading his legs and placing himself between them. After opening the new bottle and squirting a generous amount of lube into his palm, he spread it over his hands proceeding to look at Jinyoung, searching for his consent.

“Go ahead slowly, baby” – Jinyoung had arousal written all over his face and it was evident just by noticing how he would call the other “baby”. Their first time had been enough for Yugyeom to know him well enough. The younger obeyed, starting off with one finger, a light cry coming from Jinyoung. – “That’s it” – Jinyoung was instructing Yugyeom as much as he could while getting gradually more relaxed. The younger fingered the deepest he could, calmly, slowly, alternating with circular movements, and it did already some magic when Jinyoung later asked to add one more. His face contorted with pleasure, as Yugyeom’s fingers found and gradually hit his prostate, each time he pushed them deeper. He distributed wet kisses over Jinyoung’s torso, lingering over his nipples teasingly while hearing his name turned into a groan leave the older’s mouth before he inserted the 3rd finger.

The three fingers slid easily in, therefore it didn’t take much time until Yugyeom saw himself being once again tossed under Jinyoung and all the clothes that covered his lower body being pulled off.  He was then straddled once more and kissed urgently on the lips, while Jinyoung pressed his erection against Yugyeom’s, rubbing them against each other. Their groans were increasing, but hearing the younger’s sweet voice in needy sighs and low whimpers motivated Jinyoung to reach for the box of condoms Yugyeom brought to bed before and take one out, very slowly sliding it on the younger’s length, while Yugyeom watched patiently, filled with an all-consuming passion for Jinyoung. The latter’s teasing eyes were fixed on the younger’s expressions as he tried to figure out how long he could endure the intentional delay, but he was behaving too well for Jinyoung’s liking. In order to test his patience, Jinyoung stroked Yugyeom’s shaft after completely putting the condom on him. It was obvious that he wasn’t _as patient as he showed to be_. He let out a whiny moan while his instinct told him to thrust up. Jinyoung’s lips formed a smirk and he gently shushed Yugyeom provokingly – “Shhh” – and the younger took a deep breath as if controlling himself, while Jinyoung poured some lube in his hands and coated the condom with a thick layer. Then, the older positioned himself on top of Yugyeom’s erection, taking hold of it.

“Do you want it?” – Jinyoung teased the younger as he guided the tip of his shaft close to his own entrance, holding it tight. Yugyeom was putting up with all of it, while trying to thrust up to take it inside, but Jinyoung blocked the way by placing his hand over the tip.

“Maybe you don’t want it…” – Jinyoung was specially demanding on this day. He wanted to hear a verbal response coming from Yugyeom, the simple movement – _that screamed a lot for it –_ wasn’t enough for him.

“I do! I want it” – the whimpers came out in a rush and aggressively – _he truly had missed it, missed that pleading voice_ – “Please, hyung!”

Jinyoung gave a light giggle. He was madly, blindly in love for Yugyeom, he wouldn’t deny or hide it ever again. His heart pounded harshly at the thought of it, at the sight of him and at his touch. He knew how all of that felt already, since he had experienced all of it before, however, it somehow seemed like a first time. In fact, it was. This time _it was different._

And he was nervous. It was his real and official first time, the boundary he had never crossed before: _he was crossing it!_ He was willing to give his all to Yugyeom.

“Yes, my dear” – Jinyoung could have kept teasing, but his soft and whipped side for the younger spoke louder. He unblocked the way and, as he went down carefully, sinking down not yet completely due to the slight pain he felt, nothing could describe the feeling of being looking eyes in the eyes with Yugyeom at that moment. It was _their moment_. And as he got even more relaxed as he adjusted slowly to the new increase, Jinyoung sensed the pleasure he was looking for. He finally made it until the end, reaching the point where the younger’s length was fully in. Yugyeom’s hands moved to Jinyoung’s hips as a support, and when the older was ready, he went up and pressed back down again. And so on.

With his prostate being hit repeatedly, he felt dizzier each time he rocked down on the younger and didn’t really know how to control himself anymore.

“You’re beautiful” – those words came unexpectedly from Yugyeom’s mouth and they had a huge effect on Jinyoung. He didn’t even try to suppress the pleasurable smile he showed back. – “You too, baby. You…Oh” – a moan left him when he sank down again and Yugyeom replied the same way.

Their whimpers, names spoken, sweet and soft words leaving their mouths reached all the corners of the cabin for minutes. All of it was divine: the intense glare into each other’s eyes, Jinyoung’s lips trailing all over the other’s chest, back to his lips, then again eyes laid on each other as the younger felt it tight around him and also the sight of Jinyoung moving up and down faster on top of him.

When the older got to a point where it was hard to keep moving without a little help, he squeezed Yugyeom’s hands which were placed on his hips as a signal. – “Help me here, Gyeomie”.

His beautiful lover did as he asked, replying with a hum mixed with a moan, thrusting at him, securing him firmly, pulling him closer each time Jinyoung came down until they were about to reach their orgasms.

Jinyoung clenched around Yugyeom’s throbbing length, as the moment took them both to their own paradise with waves of pleasure washing over them, while they repeated each other’s names over, and over, and over again.

Jinyoung reached the climax just a few seconds before the younger, releasing all over his chest and also on the sheets, while Yugyeom followed right after. Then he let himself fall next to Yugyeom, both sweating and panting heavily as they tried to catch their breath back. The older smiled widely and pleasantly at the soreness he still detected down there, while the younger removed his condom delighted.

“I’ve just...” – Yugyeom said panting, a few seconds later, having trouble in speaking – “changed the sheets…”

Jinyoung laughed at Yugyeom’s statement. He then reached for the pack of tissues on the nightstand grabbing some, turned to his side to face his young lover and wiped the rest of the semen he left on Yugyeom’s body, trying to wipe what he could from the sheets as well.

“I guess it’s my fault. It’s my turn to make the bed now” – after Jinyoung tossed the tissues somewhere in the room, he got closer to the other’s neck and enveloped him in his arms, laying pecks and soft nibbles on his skin, causing Yugyeom to writhe at the ticklish teasing while letting out little squeaks.

“I’m thirsty” – the younger said in between giggles, as if suggesting Jinyoung to get him some water. The older stopped nibbling on his skin.

“Me too” – he returned on purpose, as neither of them had the strength – _or maybe because both were too lazy –_ to get up. What? Was Yugyeom expecting him to get up after all of that? He could keep dreaming.

Jinyoung was just waiting to see his reaction. However, Yugyeom response was a simple pout.

“Go get some water for us two” – Jinyoung insisted with the younger when he realized he wasn’t answering nor moving as if he was waiting for him to get up first.

“Why won’t you go?”

Jinyoung furrowed his brows – “Because I worked harder”

Yugyeom gasped a laugh in disbelief – “What do you mean you _worked harder_?! I helped out!”

“And I’m older. And shorter. And I deserve to rest and be well taken care of” – Jinyoung finished his argumentation, appealing to the younger’s common sense.

With his eyes on Jinyoung’s and a grimace on his face, Yugyeom tried to find a good reply to what had been stated, but wasn’t successful. The older teasingly puckered his lips, sending him a thankful air kiss, and Yugyeom had no other choice than to accept he lost the “ _battle”_. The younger boy sighed and left their bed to get a glass for each of them, leaving behind Jinyoung with a wide grin of wicked delight.

~

 

Sitting down against the wall outside the cabin under Yugyeom’s bedroom’s window sill, the young gangster had his eyes lightly shut as if resigning to his fate, dazed by everything that had happened. He lowered his head, calling himself an idiot for being delusional and for, instead of leaving, tormenting himself by witnessing them making love. His eyes remained closed for the whole moment, merely listening.

Each and every sound of bodies clapping together, moans lost in desire and eager words uttered from their lips brutally pierced Jaebum’s heart. He endured all of it as he tried to convince himself that none of that bothered him. However, nothing could erase from his mind the sight of Jinyoung’s eyes shut moaning Yugyeom’s name, his stares at the latter’s whole perfect body as he bit his own lower lip in lust, the grins that appeared on his face whenever Yugyeom _hit it_ as if they were mockingly spitting the words “you’ll never get it” in Jaebum’s face.

That image was bound to haunt Jaebum’s mind for a very long time.

~

 

“Aren’t you checking who called you?” – wearing only a towel around his waist, the younger was drying his hair with a small towel after both of them soaked in a relaxing bath together. Jinyoung was zipping his pants when his eyes widened. He had completely forgotten about it. What worried him the most was that he was now pretty sure that _maybe_ it was his father who called him. He quickly reached for his phone and turned it on. Indeed, a text message from his father. “Come home now”. What if his father was feeling ill? What if he had had an accident? Jinyoung tried to keep calm as he contacted him back.

“Hey dad, I’m sorry, I have a poor phone signal here….”

“We need to talk. Now. I don’t care where you’re at. No more excuses, this has been dragging on for too long” – he was interrupted by his father’s brutal and threatening tone of voice.

“Is… anything wrong? What happened? Why…” - Jinyoung never heard him talk like that, almost as if slipping out of control and wondered what he had done wrong.

“Do you think I raised you for _this_? How ungrateful could you be? This is the last time I’m telling you, I need to talk to you NOW. Face to face. I swear if you don’t come, I…”

“I will! Dad, I’m coming, it will take a while to get there, I’m far from town, but I’ll hurry!” – he hung up the phone call. Jinyoung was left scared and agitated. Yugyeom had heard all the yelling from afar and decided to come over the other to calm him down.

“I have to go just for a few hours, Yugyeom” – Jinyoung said as soon as the younger boy’s hand touched his shoulder. He couldn’t stop a tear from forcibly filling his eye, which was a sight that devastated the younger. Jinyoung moved away from his touch to reach for his shirt and get it quickly on.

“I’ll go with you then, wait jus…”

“No!” – he interrupted the younger. – “I will be back for sure, sooner or later. Stay here, please, wait for me” – Jinyoung looked into Yugyeom’s eyes begging for understanding, but his tears wouldn’t let him see the way.

“But you’re crying! What if you have a car accident? I’m going with you, I’ll wait in the car for you!”

“I’m going on my own, stay here and wait for me”

The younger ignored him, taking his own shirt in his hands, ready to put it on.

“Stay!” – Jinyoung gripped Yugyeom’s arm in a strong hold. The tone in the other’s voice affected Yugyeom. He didn’t want to let him go by himself, however his harsh command hurt him. Hurt him to the point he had no other choice than to nod and put down his shirt.

“I’m begging you. It’s not an order, I’m sorry” – Jinyoung saw clearly the impact his words had on his lover – “I’ll be fine. And I’ll be back” – his tears were no longer blocking his sight. He controlled his emotions so he wouldn’t concern Yugyeom. He held the younger’s hands in his with an assuring grip and pulled him into a hug, only breaking it to look in his eyes and leave a promising light kiss on his lips.

Taking his backpack with him and feeling slightly sore, Jinyoung walked out the house towards the car for a long trip back home.

 ~

 

With a lump in his throat, Yugyeom gave a little shiver as the wind flicked at his bare torso. The sky was darker and there was a heavy moisture in the air signaling an imminent rainfall. He was staring at the older’s hurried steps, from the doorway, until he lost sight of him. He only wished Jinyoung would drive safely home and back.

The discouraged young boy went back to the bedroom to get dressed and finish cleaning the mess that was left there and, when finished, he returned to the living room thumping down on the sofa with a resigned expression on his face, as he turned the TV on. His concern for Jinyoung’s sudden down mood was increasing each minute that passed by when, around an hour later, he heard a knock on the front door.

“Is he back?” – he found it odd, as he was sure Jinyoung would take at least 3 hours to get back, unless he had forgotten something.

Yugyeom turned the TV off and when he opened the door he saw a familiar face standing there. He was aware of who that man in front of him was, how could he not know? They met several times whenever Yugyeom stopped by Soohyun’s house to hang out, but they scarcely exchanged words in the past.

“Hey… What are you doing here?” – the younger found the appearance of Soohyun’s brother there, Jaebum, intriguing. Did Soohyun ever tell him about that house? Assuming that she did, how could he possibly know he was there at that moment? And why would he want to pay him a visit after all that time?

“I need to talk to you… about my sister” – Jaebum tried not to show a threatening expression at Yugyeom – “May I come in?”

“Uhm…” – Yugyeom stopped Jaebum’s slightly forced entrance, suspicious of the whole situation – “I’m sorry to ask, but how did you know I was here? How did you get here?”

Jaebum was gradually losing his patience and regretted not having burst into his house in the first place.

“I went to your house, your mother told me you were here” – Jaebum expected the lie to work.

But that was impossible. Yugyeom’s mom had gone to his aunt’s house, his father was, as usual, working on Saturdays, no one could have possibly answered the doorbell back home.

“I don’t think that…” - Yugyeom noticed something was off and when an angry sparkle appeared in the other’s eyes while he hadn’t finished his sentence, the fear overwhelmed the younger. He was about to close the door as fast as possible, when Jaebum threw a kick at the door, breaking its handle.

Yugyeom yelped in pain. The door hit his forehead hard, almost throwing him to the floor. Dizzy, he took his hand to his head as he felt his forehead getting hotter and, as he staggered a little, tried to move fast towards the closest window. The younger boy could hardly figure out how to handle the pain, as tears fell down his eyes blocking his sight, when Jaebum kicked him in the back throwing him on the floor. Yugyeom fell on his face, busting his bottom lip open. A trace of blood appeared from his lip as he groaned in pain. Jaebum pulled out of his bag some rope that he brought with him from the storage room - where he spent the past hour going over it with a fine-toothed comb, after making sure that Jinyoung was really out of his sight - and managed to tie Yugyeom’s hands behind his back.

“I told you I needed to talk to you, so DON’T fucking move, or else I’ll crush you!”

Yugyeom wasn’t considering moving. He had tears falling involuntarily from his eyes and a small drop of blood finally emerged from the cut caused by the door on his forehead. He tried to scream for help weakly, but JB wasn’t much concerned about that.

“You know better than anyone that no one is around. So, save your fucking voice”

“Wh…what are you going to do? And why…?”

Jaebum wasn’t in the mood to look in Yugyeom’s eyes in order to answer him. Instead, he took a quick side-glance at his tied hands. – “Don’t make me repeat myself. I’m going to ask you a few questions. Nothing will happen to you if you cooperate, hopefully”

Yugyeom wasn’t convinced of that. He was trying to think of something to throw at his attacker in order to escape, but there was nothing nearby and he couldn’t even reach for it anyway. He wondered the reason for Soohyun’s brother to go after him, it didn’t make any sense.

“Let’s try to be quick, 1st question: what kind of relationship were you having with my sister?”

He wished the other hadn’t asked that question. It would only deepen his wound. Yugyeom asked himself if that was the real reason behind the attack. But why would he ask about his relationship with Soohyun? Was he blaming him, after all that time? Yugyeom’s sense of guilt was back, but he thought once again of Jinyoung’s words.

“We were b… best friends…” – he stuttered.

“Then let me ask it differently” – Jaebum changed his tactic into a straightforward one - “Did you fuck her?”

Yugyeom didn’t hold back a whimper of pain that suddenly came from his hurt forehead. Frowning, he replied - “N…no… Only best friends…”

Jaebum gave a fake laugh while he checked the house, like he did in the storage room outside. He took a look inside the bathroom, kitchen, around the living room and finally the bedroom, always looking behind his shoulder at the younger, to avoid losing sight of him. He came back to the living room with Yugyeom’s backpack in his hands and began to rummage through it. Yugyeom’s instinct was to quickly stand on his feet which weren’t tied up yet, but the loud noises trying to barely stand up called JB’s attention.

“Where are you going? Didn’t I fucking tell you to cooperate? Don’t give me a reason to kick your ass” – Jaebum threatened, irritation growing in him, as he threw the backpack violently aside and kicked the boy in the stomach, leaving him curled up yelling in pain.

“Hmm... Only best friends, you say. Well, I just need to know some things.” – the attacker cleared his throat – “What exactly happened to Soo, who’s responsible for her death and where did you store the drug that went missing? I’m not expecting to have the original packs back, but I do expect to get back the equivalent amount, though” – Jaebum waited for Yugyeom’s reply, while pulling out of the younger’s backpack his personal notebook. He faked a surprised reaction.

“I don’t know… what are you talking about?! I swear… I really don’t know...” – Yugyeom stammered, trying hardly to breathe. His hands were numb, he could barely feel them – “She took… her own life…”

Enraged, Jaebum kicked a chair nearby – “SHE WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING! The doctors are WRONG!” – he yelled in frustration, getting closer to the younger boy lying by his feet – “How come our coke was stolen right on the same day she died?! AND WHY WOULD SHE HANG HERSELF INSTEAD OF… shit” – Jaebum’s eyes teared up involuntarily – “Any motherfucker could have done that to her. Or made her do that” – he finished in a weaker voice, his body trembling.

Jaebum wasn’t unaware of his sister’s suffering at home, he simply refused to accept the situation. For the older brother, it would make so much more sense that someone scammed her and ended up killing her or scaring her to the degree she would take her own life after telling them the drugs’ whereabouts.

However, no one could have possibly come up with her farewell text message that Yugyeom received. The younger knew that for sure. He just couldn’t find a way of saying it out loud because of how frightened he was. Jaebum’s actions were unpredictable.

There were some seconds of silence and in the meanwhile they could hear the rain sprinkling outside. Jaebum looked outside the window wondering when it had started raining. He swallowed hard when he realized his mind was a wandering to where it shouldn't. There was no time for that. There was no time to feel slightly guilty. He then turned his attention back to the notebook in his hand and took a seat, before opening and flicking through it.

Yugyeom kept his eyes shut. He felt awful, as if someone was invading his mind, reading his thoughts without consent, and he couldn’t do anything to prevent that.

Jaebum took several minutes to read some pages, checking once in a while if Yugyeom wouldn’t move from his place. The younger was trying to focus his attention on the sound of the drops falling harder on the roof and against the window, until he heard the other snort with a laugh - “Wow, this is so cringy!” – he was about to read some very private and personal thought Yugyeom had written down out loud when the latter shouted in despair - “Stop it! Don’t say it out loud! STOP!”

Jaebum sent him a scathing smile - “So, you’re saying you know nothing of what I’m talking about. What if I told you someone told me they suspected you of being involved in this?”

“They’re lying!! I didn’t do anything!” – Yugyeom couldn’t believe there was someone who could’ve made up such a lie about him.

Jaebum shook his head in disbelief, turning the page on Yugyeom’s notebook. His smirk suddenly vanished. Everything he was reading was about his sister. About how Yugyeom felt he should have fought harder to help her when she most needed, how he blamed himself for not getting how bad her situation was on that day and for not having skipped the competition for her. But nothing about drugs, nor killing people, nor any other sly schemes. Everything in that notebook was too pure. Too pure that it even annoyed Jaebum.

There were dates on those pages where Yugyeom poured all his pain over and a part of the notebook was exclusively dedicated to the listing of _secret_ ideas for choreographies, strategies, opportunities, a mix of everything. But there was nothing else about Soohyun. From what Jaebum noticed, it seemed like Yugyeom hadn’t written about his feelings on the notebook for about three months. Then, he turned serious, exasperation building up in him. Several pages ahead, there was something very recent. A picture attached. A page that was kind of marking the end of some cycle – or perhaps a new beginning.

“Park Jinyoung” along with the date he met him. The picture attached was one of those Yugyeom took when the two of them went camping. It was definitely his favorite. It showed a gorgeous snap of Jinyoung with a little smile on his lips, as he proud and beautifully checked the photos in his own camera. The sunlight that shined on him added an ethereal effect to the photo, which would be something Yugyeom could be bragging about for the rest of his life. But he never did. Yugyeom innocently kept the picture in secret for himself to look at. He didn’t expect anyone to admire it but himself.

“What is this? Why is a picture of him in here?” – Jaebum asked, subtly introducing his second worst decision of the day. He was going to expose Jinyoung – apparently _beating Yugyeom up wasn’t enough_.

“ _His_?” – Yugyeom managed to repeat without getting what he meant. Did he know Jinyoung?

“Park Jinyoung. My best friend.” – Jaebum grinned sarcastically at Yugyeom’s shocked expression, while he threw the notebook aside.

“Then it’s time to tell you a story about your _Jinyoung hyung_.” – Yugyeom’s heart dropped. What was he talking about?! Yugyeom was now more aware and tried to move but Jaebum stood up from the sofa and held his legs against the floor using too much strength. The younger let out a cry of pain.

“You really want me to kill you, don’t you?”- Jaebum exhaled, tying his legs together too. Next, he started by explaining things as if telling a story, while walking in circles.

“So, once upon a time _a person of trust_ contacted me about my sister’s case. Before that, my family and I had spent months without my father’s investigations giving us anything in concrete. Yes. On the same day my sister was found hanged all the coke from my dad’s business disappeared from the warehouse where we stored it. My dad had a bunch of people working to find out what happened, where could all that drug be then, whether it was possible someone had entered our house and threatened Soo, anything! We got nothing. So, we were losing hope until this person came to us with something that could actually help. He stated he had confidential information about someone who he suspected of being involved in Soo’s death. That piece of information was our only hope. What do you think it would be our first thought when we found out that she supposedly had a boyfriend that was usually around… a certain kind of people!?” – JB grunted – “After knowing that, we decided to hire, uhm… let’s call it a spy, to bring us evidence that proved what the 1st informer told us” – Now he was slightly grinning in derision because he knew this part would be a slap in the younger boy’s face – “Can you guess who our hired spy was?” – Yugyeom refused to think about the name that eventually popped up in his mind. As he strongly closed his eyes, an involuntary tear ran down his face, getting mixed with the trace of blood of his hurt lip.

“That’s correct, I can even read minds. Lord Park Jinyoung. AH, we were expecting him to bring us the best of evidence, because from him we only received quality material. We could then later eventually destroy you when we got what we needed, in case we confirmed you were in on this. But nope. Even though Jinyoung is very skilled in handling all kinds of weapons **and** also in _pretending_ , he wouldn’t harm a person. A fly, yeah, definitely, but not a human being” – his mouth twisted into a bitter grimace – “Even less being that person you, Kim Yugyeom” – he scornfully emphasized his name - “He rejected the possibility of harming you since day one, only focusing on approaching you the best he could and gathering the necessary evidence. And look at him now… he turned to be on your side. Without caring about giving us concrete evidence! How did he think he could protect you? By telling us about the rivers you cried and what you suffered? By telling us all about your pure words and nice actions? Does that even prove anything whatsoever? It doesn’t.” – he snorted, now in a cynical tone – “He grew so fond of you to the extent that he lied to me. To his best friend. His _first_ love.”

Yugyeom didn’t reply. He was squeezing his eyes shut, but the tears still slipped through. The lack of answer bothered Jaebum a lot.

“How the fuck did you dare to… touch him?!” – he swallowed bitterly, outraged at the thought.

Yugyeom looked worn out - “What do you mean?” - he knew exactly what the other meant. JB moved closer and lift the younger by the collar - “You fucked him” – he pointed at the bedroom’s open door that showed a bed without its sheets – “on that bed” - then he threw Yugyeom against the floor. Merciless tears kept rolling down his face.

“I… love him” – he whispered almost inaudibly, anguish seizing him as he thought of Jinyoung. However, Jaebum heard. He wasn’t able to control what he felt, so he yelled to release his anger. He refused to hear that that brat _loved_ Jinyoung. He didn’t have any right to love him. He wasn’t supposed to. He was supposed to _stay away_ from him. Why? He knew why. Jinyoung was supposed to be _his_. And it took him seven years to find it out and admit it.

Jaebum kicked everything that was nearby, chairs, tables, pillows, anything, ending up breaking a decorative glass bowl. Then he stopped and remained still as if he had calmed down. His eyes went back to Yugyeom.

“Are you going to kill me?” – the younger asked barely audibly as he felt the other’s glare on him.

“Me?” – he shook his head and laughed upsettingly, sitting on the floor against a wall, his head in a mess, refusing to think about the high chance of Yugyeom being innocent – “I have nothing against you. And even if I had, Jinyoung…” – a sad expression appeared on his face - “Wouldn’t forgive me. He won’t forgive me anyway” – his bitter laugh resonated through the walls – “Everything I have is a witness that states he saw you dealing within your neighborhood and that he heard fishy stuff coming from you. Besides that, you were caught hanging out with scumbags like ANDREW” – he sighed – “Unfortunately, no physical evidence on those deals, though. Nothing. Maybe if I checked your phone now... I could find something?” – he grabbed Yugyeom’s phone and looked into it.

“Who is he? That witness?” – Yugyeom asked weakly – “Who would you trust that much to believe in SUCH BULLSHIT?!” – he gradually raised his voice and ended up the question almost yelling. Yugyeom wasn’t a person of swearing but he was tired, frustrated and, above all, so frightened to the point that he didn’t know anymore how to respond.

“I AM THE ONE ASKING QUESTIONS HERE! Where did you go with Andrew yesterday?!” – Jaebum ignored the other’s question and spoke even louder, controlling himself harder.

He didn’t reply. He just wondered why that was happening and how he had got there. Had he followed him? Or… was it Jinyoung? Did Jinyoung tell him?

“Let me ask you again” – Jaebum stood up impatiently and grabbed Yugyeom’s shirt, threatening to punch him in the face.

“We went to a friend’s house!”

He pushed Yugyeom back against the floor. - “Interesting. Who’s this friend?”

No reply. JB cracked his neck from side to side, threateningly, and grabbed him by the collar once more. He observed the defiant look Yugyeom had in his face. The amount of fear behind that look was so obvious that even if the younger’s expressions were irritating him so bad, he wondered if he should keep using force to get the closest possible to what he wanted or not. Jinyoung’s figure crossed his mind. He ended up throwing Yugyeom back onto the floor.

“I’ll check your phone first then. Coming back to you later”

As he was checking up Yugyeom’s latest conversations, taking his time, he noticed the preview of a message received from Mark the day before. “Andrew is such a sweetheart”.

Jaebum frowned. He knew that Mark from his sister’s crew. He always found him the most reliable member within his sister’s group, but now that he saw his name associated with _that name_ , his concern significantly increased.

With his body trembling, Jaebum clicked on Mark’s name, which came to show the conversation Yugyeom and him had hold.

YG: “Hyung, are you there?

MK: “Yoo, wassup”

YG: “Are you at home?”

MK: “Yes I am, why?”

YG: “Andrew hyung is asking if we can have a LAN party at your place today”

MK: “Wait, what are you doing with him? How come I don’t know about you two meeting up?!”

YG: “I stumbled across him by coincidence at a cafe and he came up with the LAN party idea since the last one was a long time ago hehe”

MK: “That sounds cool! I have nothing to do, so both of you can come any time. Tell Andrew to bring those chips I like”

YG: “Yeah great! Hyunwoo hyung is coming too. Apparently, he wants a return match with Andrew”

Jaebum’s heart sank. “Hyunwoo?”

MK: “Awesome!! They’re always bickering at each other, lovely couple, this is going to be fun”

YG: “Hehe. We’ll be there in an hour, is that ok?”

MK: “Yep! We can order pizza and drinks later on. The bill is on Andrew”

YG: “Great! See you in an hour! Btw, excuse his manners, but Andrew hyung tells you to gently f*** off”

MK: “Andrew is such a sweetheart”

 “What?” – Jaebum’s shocked expression hid so much behind it - “Are Mark and… Hyunwoo… friends with this Andrew?”

Yugyeom was tired, he wasn’t even sure anymore of JB’s next moves. He nodded not to make him madder. What was now wrong with Hyunwoo or Mark? The guy was out of his mind, what had he in mind?!  Wouldn’t he stop accusing people of stuff and cruelly beat them now? Yugyeom couldn’t find a reasonable explanation for the other’s actions. The truth is, Yugyeom and Andrew weren’t even that close, but he was someone he respected as his friend’s friend. They would just meet once in a blue moon at Mark’s house to play. That was it. What was Jaebum so obsessed with?!

The mullet boy didn’t say anything. He realized something, something that no one was aware of. He was deceived. He trusted someone he shouldn’t have had and that was probably why his father’s business was getting messed up lately. The truth is it was his fault he brought a liar and traitor into their business.

He had known Hyunwoo for some time. Most likely since middle school. He had always helped Jaebum with certain tasks for his father’s gang – more directly related to drug deals. This was something they had hid for a long time, but Jaebum always trusted him.

Hyunwoo was one of his friends that would join him in bashing their rivals, finding ways of eradicating all the _rats_ in the gang. He would trust him anything. What was scaring Jaebum the most now was something he remembered they spoke about the last time they were together. Hyunwoo offered to help shutting down Andrew’s business and they even discussed ways of doing so. But Jaebum didn’t have a single information about his father’s investigation, they couldn’t really do anything. His old man refused to give him updates on what information he had. Maybe he had already his suspicions about Hyunwoo… It was obvious why he couldn’t trust his son anymore, if that was the case.

In the end, Hyunwoo was the informer. For sure, Hyunwoo had meant to mislead him into believing all his fake suspicions and information. Not only with Yugyeom, but since… ever. It all made sense now. All the inconsistencies he found in his words, all their failed plans in the past, leaked information, everything.

 _“If you want me to dig further into this, I can do it”_ – those were Hyunwoo’s words after he reported Yugyeom to Jaebum, months before. Jaebum refused his offer, if anything went wrong he could never be back to the crew and he knew how important the crew was to him. Plus, he had someone else in mind that would be a better fit for the active role of a spy itself. A stranger coming into someone’s life out of nowhere wouldn’t bring that much damage in the end, would he?

What if he had let Hyunwoo do that work? He would have fabricated evidences by now and perhaps Yugyeom – such an innocent soul as he was – wouldn’t be there anymore. Those thoughts were haunting Jaebum.

He scrolled the list of conversations down just because. Of course, he wouldn’t find anything. There was nothing left to see.

Except for… that particular one saved as favorite. His heart sank as he hesitated to open the conversation window, but gathered some courage and read the text message his sister sent to Yugyeom, months before. As he was reading it, his legs lost their strength. As he sagged against the wall, Jaebum let himself slid down until he was sitting on the floor, helpless.

“My Soo….?”

Yugyeom felt shivers running through him as he heard that name. He found it.

At some point, Jaebum had tears falling frantically from his eyes. He was consumed with all the pain that reading that messaged caused him. So many were the words left unsaid, so many were the promises he couldn’t keep. And yet, he couldn’t tell her how sorry he was for letting her down because she was no longer there.

He asked himself countless times why she had deleted everything on her phone making it impossible to retrieve it and what would be the reason for Yugyeom not having told him anything, but deep inside he knew the answers for both questions. He understood Yugyeom’s feelings of guilt quite well and there was no point in trying to blame someone else for that. From then on, he wouldn’t dare to face himself in the mirror for all his shameful actions. Actions he wished that were magically erased from his memories.

“I’m… sorry…” – he muttered through his teeth to Yugyeom.

 The latter didn’t reply nor react. Yugyeom just wanted to keep his eyes shut so badly and never wake up again. He wished all of that was a lie. “I’m sorry”?! Was he really saying “he was sorry”?! Only now Jaebum realized he was wrong with all his accusations?! It was too late already; the damage had been done.

The pain Yugyeom was feeling was too unbearable – and not only the physical one. The person he cared and loved the most deceived him. Everything they went through… All the things they shared… Laughs, tears, dreams, fears, memories, sweet words, feelings and…

And even kisses. **And** bodies. **And** … souls. Yugyeom gave his soul to him and only him.

All of those truly meaningful moments and memories happened just for the sake of _a mission_.

In the end, their relationship was nothing but a lie.

And he couldn’t stand thinking of it.

For a brief moment, they just remained there like that, Jaebum sniffing and sobbing and Yugyeom lying on the floor dwelling on painful thoughts, while the rain thrummed audibly against the windows.

When the mullet boy sniffs finally slowed down and he decided to say a word, Yugyeom curled up instinctively.

“I just… want to talk about her.” – the other added faintly, aware of the effect he had on Yugyeom. Jinyoung would arrive in the next hour, probably in even less time, Jaebum sensed that, but didn’t have the strength to stand up and leave. Instead, he felt the need to speak his heart out and tell all the stories from when they were kids and how her fate was chosen for her before she was even born.

He was telling how certain events must have triggered her depression. She was forbidden to date whoever she wanted, highly scolded and punished for little things such as arriving home a little after the time established. She was even humiliated in front of all her family and friends more than once.

Jaebum remembered clearly when Soohyun was 13 years old. He was 16 at that time. When their father fat-shamed her in front of the whole school for eating a piece of chocolate cake from her friend’s birthday cake. She went into a strict diet after that and, after two years, finally reached the target weight their father established. But did he even care when she got there? Not even a bit.

She was raised to serve her family. She once had the highest score of her class in all school subjects and their father acted indifferent to it.

The list was long. And even though Minhyuk never laid a finger on her, at least not the way he did with Jaebum several times in the past, the older brother wondered if the emotional abuse she suffered wasn’t **much** worse than his beating.

Jaebum talked about how he should have done more for her, but he was too much of a coward to stand for her. About when they were kids and he promised to protect her then and for the rest of their lives after she fell from a swing and broke her arm and how he broke that promise. Once more. And how him breaking that promise shattered his heart into million pieces. Seeking for revenge seemed the best way out. However, he realized the worst way that he was wrong. He always had been. Nothing of that would bring Soo’s death justice.

Yugyeom remained quiet trying to move his hands, numb for being tied up for so long. He was hurting all over his body, even after he managed to sit up against the sofa. Yet, he listened. Not because he cared about the one suffering right a few meters away, but because Kim Yugyeom was the kind of person that was willing to listen to others, despite the extreme pain, even after everything he had gone through. Especially when it was about someone he once cared a lot. Even though all those words hurt him immeasurably.

Several minutes later, Jaebum fell silent. They remained quiet as they heard the rain pelting the windows. Shortly later, a rolling sound of suitcase wheels coming from the outside was getting closer and closer. Jinyoung was back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Our old angst came to haunt us, as expected, and won't leave anytime soon.  
> \- I apologize for anything that may have upset you in this chapter. As for the way I portrayed Jaebum’s character – mostly having to do with the way he was brought up by his father in the story - it wasn’t that unexpected that things turned out like this. Since I’m in the writer’s note section, I can tell you all that I actually feel very sorry for him here...  
> \- FINALLY, I just want to make clear that Jaebum didn't watch it all (you know what I mean). He had just a quick sight of it and for the rest of the time he just remained seated (listening only), as if waiting. He wasn't really watching throughout the whole thing oof. I just thought I wasn't clear enough when writing that part haha


	7. Unforgiving feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There were tears in his eyes and a sniffle left his nose as his mind wandered through his memories. Uncalled-for memories. Memories that were held by that place. Flashbacks of their first kiss coming and going, the warm dim light surrounding them, the comfort of his lips, the tenderness of his touch. The feeling of belonging."

Jinyoung furiously smacked the wheel in frustration, while the unsettling feeling inside him hurried him back home. He ran his fingers through his hair, letting out a loud exhale, repeatedly thinking how he had a very bad hunch about what was about to come. To make matters worse, the round trip was going to take too much time and he could barely stand the thought of having left Yugyeom behind in such an abrupt way because of his father.

 _Fine_. He recognized he hadn’t given his old man proper attention for the past weeks, and the more he dwelled on the thousands of possibilities for the urgent call, the more he had a feeling his father suspected something was going on in Jinyoung’s life. The recent awkward silences between them were obviously hinting at that.

Jinyoung floored the gas pedal, significantly increasing the speed, as he drove back to town.

~

 

“Father…?” – he called cautiously as soon as he entered his house around an hour later. Jinyoung heard no reply. His feet took him through the hallway towards Sungsoo’s office, halting his pace as he reached the door left ajar. Should he just get in? He decided to knock on it. Yet, no response. As he opened the door carefully, he caught the sight of his father sitting by the window, holding a cigarette, addiction he had long abandoned – _or_ _so Jinyoung thought_. As he laid his eyes on his son, without moving a facial muscle, Sungsoo put out his cigarette, indicating Jinyoung to take a seat. The older man cleared his throat while he watched his son do as he was told.

“How shall I begin?” – Sungsoo’s voice sounded biting - “I’m disappointed in you”

Jinyoung immediately averted his eyes from his old man’s cold stare.

“I wasn’t born yesterday, Jinyoung. You’ve been acting very strangely lately, you barely talk to me and that’s odd. Very odd. I think that now I can finally understand why.  But before getting straight to the point, let me tell you that your behavior has been completely unacceptable and disrespectful, not only towards me, but also towards other people. I truly feel ashamed”

Jinyoung, who was sitting looking down at his own knees, looked at his father in the eyes, his eyebrows in a puzzled grimace, without saying a word. What exactly had he done wrong…? He didn’t disrespect other people, what was he talking about?

The older man proceeded – “First, you left your phone at home the other day; now you don’t pick up my calls. Alright, we can assume you’re working and it’s to keep your disguise intact, however!” – Jinyoung tried to cut in but his father spoke louder - “You’ve been hiding information you should keep reporting to who hired you, Jaebum, in this particular case. And to add insult to injury, I heard you were rude to him. He’s older than you, where’s your respect?!” – his father wore a severe and disappointed expression in his face – “Regardless if you’re friends or not, you owe him respect”

Jinyoung nodded looking down as he felt his irritation growing. So, Jaebum told on him... Jinyoung was disappointed, but not surprised.

“You have completely neglected your work. It seems now that you simply DON’T CARE. When you commit yourself to do something for someone, you get it done! And, frankly speaking, you don’t end up being best friends with the suspect!”

“Wh-?” – JB also told him that?! – “Listen, dad, I did what I could and what my guts told me to do! My conscience is clear: he is innocent. And what about Mr. Im’s mission?! I worked hard to give him plenty of material! I just don’t get it how you pick a mission that didn’t get the results Jaebum hyung expected and throw it in my face making it seem as if I was unprofessional and irresponsible!” – Jinyoung tried to moderate his tone, but all the words left his mouth louder than he wished.

“So, you’re telling me Jaebum is lying, is that it? You’re unbelievable!” – his father huffed irritated – “I’ve seen with my own eyes how irresponsible you can be. And careless. The vague answers you’ve been giving me lately are also proof. Don’t you dare bringing up a mission you haven’t even finished, it’s far from being enough to fix the wrongdoing from the past days. How could you entirely neglect such a big of a mission Jaebum assigned to you?!” – It seemed like something crossed his father’s mind at that moment – “Don’t tell me that you…”

“Don’t tell you what?” – Jinyoung had this feeling, the feeling his father suspected that he…

“Never mind” – Sungsoo looked coldly away and Jinyoung swallowed hard. His father had always pretended he didn’t know about Jinyoung’s sexual orientation, as long as no one saw, heard or knew a thing. Also, Jinyoung wasn’t really sure when he’d ever mention it again. After what happened years before that they hadn’t brought up that topic anymore. They should keep it that way. – “You’ve neglected all your duties”

“Father” – Jinyoung took a deep breath to calm himself and convince his old man to trust him – “I didn’t neglect anything. Yugyeom is a good person and I was going to prove my point. Jaebum hyung simply couldn’t accept it!” – Jinyoung repeated himself. - “And I’ve decided already, this latest mission I have on hands will be the last one, I don’t want to stalk people for the rest of my life” – Jinyoung’s voice seemed to quaver slightly.

“Then what do you want?” – an enigmatic expression crossed his father’s expressions.

“I…” – Jinyoung gulped as he looked away, but when his eyes met his father’s again, he saw boiling anger in his face.

“Don’t bother to tell me. I know the reason why you’ve been such an irresponsible brat. Jaebum told me everything. So, instead of you listening to any of my suggestions of attending workshops in Business and Administration or taking the course that I offered to PAY for” – he highlighted – “You brought back the ABSURD idea of being an actor! And you made sure to hide it from me!”

“It’s not absurd! I don’t get it why you can’t support me on that!!!” – Jinyoung blurted out, his face getting heated in anger – “And who gave Jaebum the right to tell you that?!”

“Watch your tone!” – his father hissed – “I didn’t raise you to turn out this rude and inconsiderate. Your duties at your current work, your duties as a son… and even as a friend” – Jinyoung shivered because of all the pressure Sungsoo was putting on him. It was as if he had to repay him for… something – “You’ve neglected them entirely. Are you proud of yourself?! Are you proud of how much this ridiculous _dream_ of yours is changing you?! And you barely even started working on that industry for real! I can’t even imagine what would happen… A full brainwashing for sure”

He remained quiet, avoinding his father’s gaze as much as he could.

“You know, Jinyoung, I’ve told you this and I’m going to repeat myself. We aren’t cut out for that kind of life. It’s just not who we are. Their lifestyle disgusts me, their scandals, all of it. I don’t want my son to get involved with those people. When will you listen to what I say?!”

“But you don’t mind me being involved with a gang at all!” – Jinyoung snorted at how ironic it sounded.

“I know Minhyuk for a very long time to know well enough how they work. They’re not like the ordinary gangs. And you know that too! Besides, they’re all very humble and hardworking, which is what it’s lacking in the Entertainment industry!”

“Don’t come up with such lame excuses!”

A dark expression fell over the older man’s face - “Excuse me, would you repeat that?”

“As if there aren’t plenty of humble actors around! I’d show you how humble and hardworking I could be, I could totally prove you wrong!” – Jinyoung briskly tried to fix his mistake, but the damage was done.

“Have you just heard yourself talking to me?! Can’t you see right now what I mean?! Have I ever raised you like that?! Or should I have raised you like Minhyuk raised his son?” - Sungsoo tilted his head studying his son’s face threateningly and Jinyoung could only look at his father as if resenting his words. - “Jaebum’s sense of filial duty is no joke! He obeys his father, always lends him a helping hand whenever needed and NEVER disrespected him. He knows what’s right to do and what’s wrong as a son. I wish you could learn something from him, since from me…” – the older man snorted in disappointment.

A snort came out of Jinyoung’s mouth as a laugh, but he immediately went back serious again as his father abruptly stood up.

“You’ve gone too far, Jinyoung!” – he roared outraged.

Their conversation wasn’t going anywhere.

“What do you expect me to do then?” – Jinyoung asked as he crossed his arms, his eyes avoiding his father’s. He really tried to smooth his voice, but failed miserably.

Sungsoo couldn’t have been any more straightforward - “To give up on that foolish idea of being an actor and graduate in Management. I’m willing to put it all behind, this period of _confusion,_ and regarding your point about that Hoogyeom, or whoever he is, being a good guy, I get that. I won’t condemn you for it. I just want you to open your eyes to reality!”

“ _Hoogyeom_ ”? “Open your eyes to reality”?! Jinyoung gritted his teeth unable to suppress his fury.

“What if I don’t comply with that?”

Sungsoo shot an exasperated grimace in his son’s direction, staring fiercely at him – “After all I did for you…?! I deserve much more. Much more than this. Just go ahead and consider yourself a stranger to me. Won’t you do that too?! You ungrateful brat! I gave you everything. I even gave you a home! This is far beyond what I expected coming from you!”

“Oh…” - He didn’t expect his father would really go that far - “Are you telling me I owe you my life because you decided to adopt me? To give me a home? Did you think I was some kind of a puppet whose life you could control as you please if you saved me?” - Jinyoung didn’t owe anyone anything. Not when his dreams were on the line. He never gave any other reason to disappoint him, never in his life.

“That’s… That’s not what I meant! Hey! Where are you going?”

The young boy was just turning his back on his father and hurried his pace towards his bedroom, locking himself away in the room. The next step would be taking out a suitcase he kept in his closet and fill it with what he found indispensable.

“Jinyoung! We’re not done talking! What are you doing?! Open the door! I already told you I didn’t mean it like that!”

His son didn’t reply. He was determined to leave that house as soon as possible. All his life he suffered in silence considering himself a burden to him and promised he’d do anything to repay him. When he was finally starting to get over his sense of guilt, he brought it back. His father had no right to bring back the scars from his past like that. Absolutely no right.

The older man didn’t cease to smack at the door until his son opened it several minutes later in a hurry and Sungsoo followed him, trying to grasp him, trying to stop him insistently.

“I’ll never give up on my dreams. And a complete stranger like you won’t stop me from fulfilling them either. There you have, we’re strangers now as you wished” – his last words sounded emotionless and little could his old man do to keep his own son from abandoning him. He stood devastated observing his son driving off, only God knew where to.

“That’s… not what I meant… my dearest son”

~

 

Jinyoung was overwhelmingly frustrated on his way back to the cabin. Tears were dripping down his face non-stop as he thought of how he left his father behind. Leaving home that explosively wasn’t on his to-do list for the day.

Was he really that ungrateful?! Did he really have to sacrifice his dreams for him? He didn’t think so, not anymore. Yugyeom was right: Jinyoung should be the one entirely responsible for deciding his own future, regardless how grateful one is towards another person. It took him too long to realize that.

Wasn’t devotion enough? What about loyalty? As he thought of it, in fact, he failed too for not having talked to him earlier. But even so, would his father have supported him? Jinyoung didn’t think so.

Kim Yugyeom. There he was, thinking of him again. Every time his name, his voice, his features crossed Jinyoung’s mind, even if just for a brief moment, it would soothe his soul.

He wasn’t sure of how Yugyeom regarded their relationship, but there was something Jinyoung was positive: his feelings for the younger boy were genuine, and he couldn’t wait any longer to arrive at their love nest and fall into Yugyeom’s arms.

_“At least I still have him”_

Should he call him? Tell him he was heading back _home_? Jinyoung’s hundred thoughts sprang to mind, but he ultimately decided not to. There was not even a chance to pull over for a short phone call and he wouldn’t dare calling him while driving, especially at that speed.

His phone rang. On the screen, he could clearly read “Dad”. Jinyoung managed to quickly put his phone on silent and stick it back in his pocket.

 

As there were 10 minutes left before he arrived at the cabin, the pouring rain greeted him, following him until he reached his destination. Jinyoung was out of the car in a flash, hastening his step towards the front door with his suitcase behind, as he looked down to the path before his eyes, cursing at the rain lashing against him.

As he finally looked up as he reached the door, he felt his guts twist in a knot. Chills rushed through him at the sight of the door ajar and its handle completely destroyed. His first instinct was to take out his pocketknife, before he threw open the door. Heading towards the living room, he was greeted with total chaos.

His eyes first laid on the broken glass on the floor, then moved to where he would inevitably have to look at.

His heart sank. The sight of the person he cared the most sitting on the floor tied, leaning against the sofa with his eyes looking down, busted and swollen lips, a bump on his forehead and a shiny little drop of blood coming from it, caused Jinyoung’s legs to waver. Fear, rage, devastation, disgust, multiple feelings ran through him in that moment and he little could do to control any of them of taking over him.

“Yugyeom…” – he hardly whispered as panic flooded him. His eyes then moved to this other person present in the room. Jaebum was looking steadily at “nothing”, wearing a lifeless expression on his face.

As he muttered the younger boy’s name, Jinyoung sprinted towards him, throwing himself on his knees, with a shooting glare lingering on Jaebum’s face. The later didn’t move, react nor looked back.

“Yugyeom, are you alright?” - Jinyoung turned for a moment his eyes to the younger while carefully trying to find a way to touch his face without hurting him. – “Shit, look at your face, let me…” – he gently caressed Yugyeom’s jaw so he could turn his face towards him to take a better look at how badly beaten his hurt lip was. The sight of it made Jinyoung’s heart ache, but what really pierced his heart even deeper was when Yugyeom pulled away abruptly, turning his face to the opposite side, completely repelling his touch.

 _Did Jaeb…_ That was when he realized the harsh truth. He _knew_. Jinyoung turned as white as a sheet. Swallowing hard, he cut the rope that tied the younger’s feet and hands quickly, his own hands were shaking in fear. He took Yugyeom’s hands in his own to check any irregularities, but the younger pulled his hand away and attempted to move away from Jinyoung. However, his brisk movement caused him to let out a yelp of pain.

When his eyes went back to stare at Jaebum, Jinyoung didn’t even think twice. Something inside him roared in anguish and rage and he could no longer control himself. A second later, he was grabbing Jaebum by the collar and throwing him a punch. The strong impact tossed him backwards against the floor.

The mullet boy rolled over as his face grimaced in pain. Jinyoung rolled him back and straddled him, as his hand instinctively went to grip around the other’s throat putting enough pressure on it as if threatening to choke him.

“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HIM?!” – his yelling echoed throughout the cabin. Jaebum only then looked in Jinyoung’s eyes for the first time on that day. Multiple different emotions were reflected in Jaebum’s eyes and overflowed from those same eyes in the shape of tears. Jinyoung’s punch left his lip split, with blood threatening to run down. There was something Jaebum wanted to utter, but those words were too suffocating.

Jinyoung reinforced his demand for an answer by strengthening his grip around JB’s throat. In response, the latter grasped his hand as if begging for him to loosen up the grip.

“You told my dad… And now you DO THIS?! HOW COULD YOU!? HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET HERE?!”

“I’m… so… sorry” – the words left Jaebum’s mouth faintly, his eyes never leaving Jinyoung’s. But the latter didn’t want an apology, not now, probably not ever, all he demanded was an explanation for all of that. He released Jaebum’s throat and grabbed his collar leaning closer to his face as tears covered his eyes.

“How... d-did y-you get H-HERE?! Why d-did you…” – Jinyoung stammered overwhelmed with anger and fear as he waited for an answer. It wasn’t hard to reply sincerely, was it?!

However, Jaebum didn’t say a word. He wasn’t going to let him know that he had installed a GPS tracking device in his car and had followed him around since then. He couldn’t let him know he stooped that low. He couldn’t let him know he… saw him – _saw them –_ having sex. He would never tell him how he tried to _stop_ them by contacting his father and telling all about his acting career. And that he wasn’t successful in stopping their intimate moment and had now to cope with it for the rest of his life.

Jinyoung knew that no answer would come out of him. He shoved Jaebum back again and stood up pulling out his phone from his pocket.

“I’m leaving, Jinyoung” – Jaebum uttered weakly, slowly getting on his feet.

Jinyoung threw him a sharp and bitter glare - “No, you’re not. Does your father know that you’re here? Was he the one sending you here?!”

Jaebum shook his head - “He didn’t send me here” – his voice broke and, with heavy steps, started walking towards door. However, Jinyoung stopped him.

“You’re not going anywhere. The cops or your father, which one do you choose?”

If Jinyoung wasn’t as out of his mind as he was at that moment, he’d have sympathized with the terrified eyes Jaebum showed him. Any of those options would mean the end. While if by facing his father meant he was dead meat, calling the police could end his father’s whole business.

“Alright, I’ll decide for you, calling the cops sounds like a fine solution”

“Let him go” – this other voice spoke up for the first time since Jinyoung’s arrival. When Jinyoung looked at Yugyeom, he noticed how he had his elbow on his knee as his hand supported his head. His eyes were tightly shut, his headache was killing him.

He couldn’t believe what Yugyeom was saying – “But Yug…”

“I said let him go” – he opened his eyes, which were full of hidden pain, and raised his head looking for the first time at Jinyoung - “Please”

A painful grimace appeared on Jinyoung’s face when Yugyeom looked away once more. Their glares had way too many hidden words and meanings, Yugyeom couldn’t take it. Meanwhile, Jaebum passed by Jinyoung towards the exit.

Jaebum’s unsteady steps threatened to make him fall. He walked out in the pouring rain and he could detect the fresh and earthy smell surrounding him. As he stepped further away from the cabin, the mullet boy was overcome with a sudden feeling of nausea. He lost all his strength and couldn’t avoid tripping over his own feet, ending up by collapsing on his knees. Even though he tried to suppress the vomit, he could no longer do it. The distressed young man threw up everything he had eaten on that day. He knew why that was happening. It was due to the anxiety from the last few week’s happenings. On that day, he naturally reached the limit of what he could cope with. But it was not only because of the latest events.

He didn’t disregard that he had been grieving his sister’s death for months, he had been suffering abuse from his father for years. Neither could he ignore that him himself was living deep in a depression. Just like his sister had been. Not that his father would care, anyway. He was emotionally tired.

As he recovered from his sudden sickness, soaked and panting while he tried to recover some of his strength, Jaebum managed to stand up and reach his car parked far ahead in the street, so he could finally leave that hell hole.

Needless to say, hell would be following him close, wherever he was, to torment him day and night. Fighting against it might take him years.

~

 

A dead silence surrounded them. Jinyoung was still processing what had just happened and how JB had just behaved. Thinking of it and seeing Yugyeom’s face beaten up with his own eyes brought him a heavy weight in his chest, filling it with regret. He now couldn’t find a way nor the courage to say any word towards Yugyeom.

Then he saw it. It was tossed a few meters away from him on the floor, wide open for anyone to see. Yugyeom’s notebook. Jinyoung walked closer to the battered object and made sure his face was turned to the side when picking it up, to avoid reading – _or seeing_ – what he had written in those pages. He closed the notebook and placed it on the center table.

Jaebum read it. Didn’t he have enough? They had been friends for so long and because he didn’t trust him anymore - or maybe because he was _jealous? -_ JB decided to throw years of friendship away like that. What was he thinking?! That he’d find out the answers he was looking for if he confronted Yugyeom? Or that he’d find them written in his diary?! Jinyoung couldn’t imagine how terrible it must have been for Yugyeom to have his mind _read_ without his permission.

The older shut his eyes tightly as a tear that had been stuck for all that time left his eye. Throughout all that time, Yugyeom didn’t move a muscle and ignored the older’s gaze.

“W-why didn’t you want t-to call the p-police?” – Jinyoung was stuttering in fear. He hoped that there would be an answer for the question that puzzled him, but it didn’t come.

Jinyoung looked around the living room. There were tears in his eyes and a sniffle left his nose as his mind wandered through his memories. Uncalled-for memories. Memories that were held by that place. Flashbacks of their first kiss coming and going, the warm dim light surrounding them, the comfort of his lips, the tenderness of his touch. The feeling of belonging.

He looked lost and helpless standing there like that in the living room. Enough, he had to do something. Jinyoung headed towards the kitchen and opened every cabinets and drawers looking for any plastic bags and cloths. After finding what he needed, he opened the freezer. There wasn’t that much ice in there, but he thought it might be enough. He then returned to the living room bringing two cold compresses, kneeling down next to Yugyeom and handing him one.

As expected, the younger didn’t look back at Jinyoung. Instead, he roughly took the compress from his hands and slowly proceeded to stand up to position himself seated on the sofa, but his numb legs gave way. Jinyoung came immediately to his aid, but as soon as he placed his arms around Yugyeom’s waist, the taller boy winced while a groan of pain left his lips. Jinyoung inadvertently had put pressure on the bruises caused by the kicks Jaebum threw at Yugyeom.

Jinyoung widened his eyes with a horrified expression on his face. Did Jaebum really…

He immediately managed to take the younger’s shirt off – while Yugyeom insistently tried at first to keep it on him, giving up after a while.

Jinyoung couldn’t believe the brutal marks left on Yugyeom’s body: one on his back, already turning into darker shades of red, almost purple, another lighter on his stomach. The taller boy immediately turned his back on Jinyoung who could only now see that big darker bruise on his back.

Yugyeom didn’t utter a word. The turn of his back clearly stated how much he wished for Jinyoung’s face to disappear from his sight. At the same time, he was waiting. Waiting for an explanation that should come directly from Jinyoung’s mouth. Even if Jaebum had been clear enough in his speech, he also hinted at the possibility that _what Jinyoung felt for Yugyeom_ wasn’t a complete lie. Or maybe it was. He’d just listen to him. He’d give him a chance at least to explain himself. However, he had lost the trust he had in him. And getting that trust back didn’t seem easy. His headache was killing him, though.

Jinyoung’s hands started trembling again as he tried to carefully place the compress on Yugyeom’s back. As it touched his skin, the dancer gasped. Jinyoung carefully leaned his forehead against Yugyeom’s nape and sighed deeply, still gently applying the wrapped bag of ice on his bruise. A little while later, he finally broke the horrendous silence between them.

“I’m really sorry, Yugyeom”

Yugyeom leaned forward, repelling Jinyoung’s touch, making him lose balance. The older looked down to the cold compress. It took just a few seconds for Yugyeom to swallow hard and finally say something – “Why?”

He muttered the question so heartbrokenly that Jinyoung wished to disappear from the world in that same moment. He owed Yugyeom an explanation, he owed him too much, regardless what could happen, regardless whatever Jaebum told Yugyeom, none of that mattered anymore. Only the truth mattered now.

Jinyoung deeply sighed, gathering all the courage he could – “I’ll tell you… I just need to know… what did _he_ tell you?”

“He told me everything” – Yugyeom’s answer was vague, which stressed Jinyoung out a lot. Because “everything” could mean “Jaebum’s version of the whole story” and he was seriously concerned about what he could have told Yugyeom.

“I just want to know why” – the younger eventually completed. He was applying light touches on his lip with the other pack of ice Jinyoung gave him, alternating between his forehead and lip.

“I’ll… start from the beginning”

As he continued applying the cold compress, Jinyoung simply told him everything from the beginning. The very beginning, literally since the day he started working for Minhyuk and what kind of work he usually did for him, his gang’s working methods, everything, until the day such a mission was assigned to him – he highlighted how _killing_ someone was supposedly against the gang’s values, but that apparently something had changed from the moment that Soohyun died.

“In order to reach you, I worked for my dad at his convenience store expecting that you’d show up. And you did. I… I didn’t contact you when you showed up the second time and gave me your number because… I think I was changing, the way I saw things was gradually changing. You offered to help me with getting into acting, I was so thankful. I started thinking that it would be impossible that someone like you would have done what you were accused of!”

A snort came out of Yugyeom followed by a little cry of pain, his reaction as cold as the pack of ice in his hands.

Jinyoung swallowed hard - “It was a huge coincidence that I saw you on the day you performed with your crew. I think that starting on that day I…”

Yugyeom cut in – “So that was all _acting_. Literally.” – he stood up suddenly and walked a few steps further, with his back turned on Jinyoung. The older too got on his feet.

“No, please, let me finish, I wasn’t…”

“You were” – Yugyeom looked dejectedly through the window.

Jinyoung struggled with the overwhelming distress - “In the beginning it’s true, I was! But I soon realized you were so kind, loyal and reliable, that I actually ended up opening myself up to you, I totally showed you my true colors! I swear I got so attached to you! And I was decided to prove you were innocent practically right from the start! Believe me, I would never d…”

“How can I even trust you…?!” – Yugyeom this time looked back at Jinyoung.

Facing Kim Yugyeom eyes in the eyes turned into an even more overwhelming task than before.

“You’re involved with a gang! And this was all a scheme! You purposely entered MY life aiming to get proof of how I _supposedly_ _plotted my best friend’s_ _death_ and stole from her family! What were you expecting to do afterwards?! Shove in MY face that you couldn’t care less about me? I bet! You guys intended to completely screw MY life up, you were planning to kill me! HOW CAN I TRUST YOU, CAN YOU TELL ME?!” – Yugyeom ended up raising his voice more than what intended. Raising his voice wasn’t much of a help to his strong headache.

“NO! No! Please, listen…”

“No, YOU listen!” – Yugyeom was agitated and the tears he had in his eyes refused to roll down his face - “I trusted you, I genuinely trusted you! But apparently, I was too naïve. As always. I guess I never learn” – he grimaced as if disgusted at himself but didn’t stop talking – “I thought I knew you. I thought you were an honest person, that you were just being… yourself! Just mysterious as you were! I’ve even told you about what hurt me the most, you told me that _it wasn’t my fault_ that she… died! That I shouldn’t keep blaming myself! And now I find out that you’ve been acting for all this time?!”

“N..-”

He didn’t let Jinyoung cut in - “What was all we’ve spent together for?! Tell me, why did you let me first kiss you? Why did you accept it so wholeheartedly?! Why would you give me hope like that? Were you even sincere?! Were you even sincere when…” – Yugyeom choked on his own words. His eyes flickered as he was looking right into Jinyoung’s, as he noticed how the other was desperate to say something. His voice lowered – “W-when we made love?” – as Jinyoung heard that, he felt his heart shatter into a million of pieces - “Would you do that even if you didn’t like someone?”

“No!” - Jinyoung was about to come closer to Yugyeom, however, he noticed him stepping backwards as if anticipating Jinyoung’s intention, so he left some space between them two - “Never!! Yugyeom, I truly …”

He didn’t shrug off the idea that Jinyoung could indeed have ended up falling deeply for him, even Soohyun’s older brother Jaebum himself acknowledged it. But that was not the crux of the matter.

Yugyeom interrupted the older – “Even if that’s true… Can’t you see how unfair this it to me? What if things had gone wrong?! This clearly seems like someone was plotting against me!! What if they made it?! What if I was accused unfairly?! Would I be dead by now?! Is that what you’re telling me?!” – the younger had his eyes looking straight into Jinyoung’s and he sensed a sudden loss of strength in the other’s body as he heard those words – “This, our thing, we… weren’t meant to be if it wasn’t for this… mission that could have costed my life! You intentionally played with my feelings since the very beginning!! DO YOU THINK THIS IS FAIR?!”

“No… It-it’s not” – Jinyoung admitted, lowering his head and feeling himself getting lost. Yugyeom was right. He was so right of everything.

“And you got paid for it.” – Yugyeom this time spoke with a despising tone in his voice – “I seriously don’t…”

“I DIDN’T! I refused the money! All of it!” – the guilt had seized his whole soul. He didn’t know what else he could do.

Jinyoung had known it since always. He knew that mission was wrong on so many levels, but he had never expected that things would come to such a pass. As awful as it sounded, he never thought Yugyeom would really find out, and certainly NOT that way, because in fact Jinyoung ended up taking his side and helping him to prove his innocence, why did all the story behind have to matter?

But it did matter, even if Jinyoung tried to forget the circumstances that led him to know Yugyeom. I would always matter.

The younger turned his back again on the older without replying.

“I fought with JB dozens of times over this mission, that’s probably why… why h-he came. He didn’t trust me. I don’t know why he came to specifically hurt you, I really don’t know, I gave him the report, he was supposed to read it. His father’s gang always avoided working with violence, I really don’t know why he would turn this aggressive! He should have trusted me! And I swear, I would never hurt you!”

“But you did” – Yugyeom’s gut-wrenching words took all the traces of hope away from Jinyoung’s eyes.

“I know it’s all my fault…” – he admitted – “Yugyeom, I’m so sorry…” – his eyes were covered in tears, pouring down his face.

The younger exhaled stepping further away from Jinyoung and closer to the window, as the rain poured right in front of him. His bare back showed the mark JB left on him, the sight of it serving as a punishment to Jinyoung.

Silence enveloped them again. Jinyoung wasn’t expecting to get a reply. He was honest with Yugyeom and with his own feelings – _which very rarely happened in his life_.

Also, he had nothing to lose, he had already lost it all.

“I love you…” – he spoke those heartbroken words almost in a whisper, as he clinged to what was left of hope. Yugyeom lowered his head and took a hand to it in reaction to his headache when he heard those bittersweet words coming out of Jinyoung’s mouth, without uttering a reply.

However, his silent answer meant much more than any kind of words.

Jinyoung was sniffling behind him until Yugyeom made up his mind. He needed space. Time. Probably never getting back to see Jinyoung would be ideal.

“Can you leave please?” – it was so hard to ask that to Jinyoung who clearly had argued with his father, as he brought his suitcase with him. He possibly had no shelter by now. Yugyeom was curious, he wouldn’t deny it, but he was determined to brush away any question he might had. It just didn’t matter anymore.

Jinyoung looked at the younger’s back dispirited. “Leave”. To leave Yugyeom’s life. Or perhaps to leave the life of someone he should have never entered in the first place, not the way he did. He hadn’t been given that right. Yet, he got easily in. Yugyeom had all the right to kick him out of his life anytime. “Leave”.

“Shouldn’t you go to the hospital for a check-up? Let me help you, I can take you there!”

“It won’t be necessary, I can manage by myself. Just go”

Jinyoung nodded in defeat - “Can I just ask you one last question? Please” – before he left, he felt the urge to ask it. He had to understand why… try his last chance to understand why.

Yugyeom looked down to his side, not totally facing Jinyoung, but showing half of his face and nodded as if allowing him to ask.

“Why didn’t you let me call the police on Jaebum?”

As his head moved back to look again through the window, Yugyeom’s last reply came straight off - “Because you’d have been caught too”

 

Yugyeom could have said he didn’t wish Jaebum to go through the suffering with his father. As much as he held a grudge against him, he would never wish him that kind of punishment. Especially when his father was, or had been, _this other person’s father_ too and especially when he did what he did to… her. In the end, both brothers experienced similar painful realities. Nevertheless, Yugyeom opted for the direct and real reason. It was true. Calling the police would have required that Jaebum’s household would be under a thorough investigation. This included all his father’s business, all the people who worked directly for and with them and, ultimately, Jinyoung. The older boy didn’t even think of how it would affect him. But Yugyeom did.

Despite what happened, Yugyeom still cared for him. His heart still fluttered for him. Or, at least, what was left of his heart. Yugyeom’s mind wandered somewhere only he knew. Dwelling on each word uttered, each and every memory that decided to appear in his mind and on what he really felt.

He needed space. And time. And Jinyoung was the last person he wanted to see in that moment. He had to leave.

“Yugyeom…” – Jinyoung wished to move closer to him, but a louder, frustrated voice spoke up.

“LEAVE! I don’t wanna see you right now!”

“My feelings for you… They’re-….”

“Just. LEAVE. NOW!”

Jinyoung was left with no other choice than to respect the younger’s wishes. He took a few seconds to leave his spot and walked spiritlessly towards the door, taking the suitcase left there nearby with him. He was now hearing the rain coming back and hitting more heavily on the roof. The older looked one last time towards the living room, to the person whose heart he deeply scarred. Yugyeom ignored him. He wasn’t telling him goodbye. Just like their first “Hello” wasn’t supposed to have happened, goodbyes were pointless. Goodbyes were completely meaningless.

The older finally left under the strong rain towards his car. As soon as he got in, soaked as he was, he smashed the wheel and yelled in despair. What was he going to do now? Now that he lost it all. His best friend, his father and even his lover.

He lost it all.

Jinyoung cried as if his heart would break, holding onto the wheel, and only when he was finally capable of getting hold of himself, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and scrolled through his contacts – _ignoring the 7 times his father called him_.

His father’s number appeared once more on his screen. He was tired of it. He waited for the end of it before blocking his number and switching his phone to vibrate. It would okay now. At least for a few days.

Back to his list of contacts, he found the one he was looking for. Jinyoung pressed on that number and waited that they would pick up the phone.

On the other end he heard the familiar lively, husky voice utter in excitement.

“Hey you! When were you planning on calling me?! What did I tell you the last time we’ve talked? Let’s meet up to shoot some arrows! And what did you do? You ignored my message! Hear me out, you’ll never get to know an archery opponent as good as I am!” – there he was again, Jackson complaining about how he was left hanging the last time they messaged each other.

“Hey…” – Jinyoung’s voice was shaking and Jackson’s excitement instantly faded as soon as he perceived something was wrong. – “Jinyoung, you don’t seem well. What’s wrong? How can I help you, man?”

“I’m very sorry to bother you with this and I know this is very sudden but… Could you let me stay at your house for some time?” – he was not very fond of asking favors from anyone, but he had nobody else to turn to. He couldn’t forget that his remaining amount of money was very limited.

“Of course you can! Come over now! I’ll be home in half an hour, just wait a bit for me in case I haven’t arrived by then. You don’t sound well man, let’s talk it out face-to-face!” – a thought crossed Jackson’s mind in that exact moment as he found something very odd – “But wait, what about Yugyeommie? I mean, I don’t mind helping you but why didn’t you ask him first? He’s gonna be hurt as hell”

Jinyoung’s heart clenched in his chest. If only Jackson knew…

“Can you please not tell him I’m staying at your place? I beg you”

He heard Jackson sigh - “Fine. I won’t tell him, but you’ll have to explain to me what’s going on. Come on, hurry up because rain is forecast for the rest of the evening and night”

“Thank you… Jackson. I’ll be there in 2 hours”

“2 hours?!” – Jackson gasped on the other end – “Where even are you?!”

“In hell, Jackson… In hell. Talk to you later” – Jinyoung hung up and let his head rest on the wheel, sighing heavily. When he was finally ready to go, he took a last glance at the house he would be leaving behind, turned the key and drove away, as lethargy fell over him.

 

The curtains were pulled together as soon as the car drove away.

Yugyeom too had been observing Jinyoung from afar. But the drawing of the curtains meant too much to be disregarded.

~

 

Jinyoung had been silent for almost 2 hours since he arrived at Jackson’s house. Both were sitting on Jackson’s extravagant couch and, as much as he tried to get him to open up, his gloomy friend wouldn’t say a thing.

“Jinyoung”

As he didn’t respond, Jackson sighed before continuing – “I understand it’s too much for you, but I need to understand what happened. Come on, say something. Why don’t you start from the beginning?”

He couldn’t. He couldn’t tell Jackson “I betrayed Yugyeom’s trust. I work for a gang, they told me to be his bestie and find out everything about him. In fact, he could have died. Then I fell in love with him, we had sex, my best friend beat him up hard, he ended up telling him all the truth and now we’re over”. How could he say something like that? Jackson would throw him out the window. Jinyoung gulped and took a deep breath. If he started from the beginning he’d be mentioning solely the argument he had with his father. Jackson would forget about the rest eventually.

“I’ve… argued with my father” – after a deep breath, the boy proceeded to explain what happened, omitting whatever information he found appropriate. Jackson heard him attentively until he finished opening up about it.

“Man… Why would he say that? I don’t get it! It’s a shame that he won’t support his son’s dreams! Then… What are you planning to do now? I’m sure he didn’t mean it…”

“Oh, yes he did!” – Jinyoung interrupted as irritation grew in him – “I’m not sure of what to do now, but I’m probably not seeing him for the next months, or even years!”

“Don’t say that!” – Jackson studied Jinyoung’s expressions before speaking what he had in mind – “As for now, you know that I’ve got your back! You can stay here for as long as you want, at least until you fix things in your life. And I know what you must do now: keep fighting for your dreams. If you have the passion, just don’t disregard it now. I’ll help you! I have contacts, I can give them a call if necessary. I might even get you a scholarship! Just hang in there and don’t give up!”

Jinyoung nodded lightly – “Thank you Jackson, I’ll try my best…”

“And… I know this may be tough but… your father tried to stop you from leaving. You can take your time but send him a message, once in a while, you know? Just a simple “I’m fine” is enough. Despite all what he did I truly believe he cares for you”

Jinyoung looked down at his hands, uncertain of whether he’d take that last advice. He was holding a big grudge against his father for the way he treated him and for his hurtful words. It was still TOO early to even consider forgiving him or giving it a try.

_Just like Yugyeom… he needed time._

“You acted on impulse when you left, which is understandable, but whenever you’re ready, think about giving him a chance”

They fell silent, Jinyoung considering those words as Jackson gave a little pat on Jinyoung’s back. They heard a phone buzzing insistently, Jinyoung’s phone, but no one reacted to it.

“Jinyoung?”

“Hm…?”

“What happened with Yugyeom?” – Jinyoung faced away from Jackson and he knew it, he saw it in how he averted his eyes in fear. He had fucked up big time.

“Did you leave him like his previous boyfriend did?” – Jackson asked without beating around the bush, recalling how Yugyeom was hurt before.

Jackson wasn’t blind. Even if at the beginning he was slightly unaware of things, he gradually came to realize there was something going on between them. The way Yugyeom smiled at his phone during the break of a dance practice, how his face brightened up every time Jackson mentioned Jinyoung’s name. Yugyeom didn’t have to tell anything for him to see how Jinyoung completely swept him off his feet - _even though he had expected an official announcement or something._

Jackson’s perceptive side surprised Jinyoung. He wasn’t expecting that question back and all that situation made him feel even more anxious.

He was going to give it a try. He’d try to tell Jackson just enough.

“I didn’t leave him, but I did hurt him. A lot”

A heavy sigh echoed throughout the living room. Jackson drew a few centimeters closer to Jinyoung while reflecting on the other’s words.

“I won’t say I don’t want to know exactly how you hurt him, but… I hope I won’t regret this, I won’t ask about what you did. Unless of course, you’re willing to share it with me. I guess I’d probably get pissed off at you, or maybe not, I don’t know” – even if his trust on Jinyoung was left shaken with the fact that he admitted having _hurt_ his other friend, he knew that deep inside the boy genuinely regretted it. How could he not know it when Jinyoung was about to cry his eyes out right before him? Jackson noticed a tear falling down Jinyoung’s face which he tried hard to hide from Jackson.

“You really like him, don’t you?”

He held his head in his hands as more tears left his eyes. Taking a deep breath, his hands fell once more on his lap and he nodded firmly – “Jackson… I’m such a dumbass”

“Did you cheat on him with someone else?”

“W-what?! N-no?!”

“Hm…” - Jackson had a vague expression on his face. – “Then what the hell did you do?! Did you approach him for his money?!”

“Jackson?!” – didn’t he say he wasn’t going to ask anything about it? – “Of course not!”

Jackson shut his eyes but looked back again at Jinyoung - “Then I don’t know what kind of a despicable shitass thing you did. I’m just… disappointed”

“I’m sorry for everything…” – Jinyoung looked down feeling defeated and regretted that he had to hide what happened from Jackson. That would be it, wouldn’t it? Jackson didn’t trust him no longer and was going to kick the crap out of him from there, wasn’t he? – “I’ve never deserved him”

Jackson was strangely quiet for a while, immersed in thought. Then he stood up and paced back and forth still wondering about something. That was making Jinyoung feel even more anxious.

His phone buzzed again. This time he quickly checked who it was. Right, his father was calling him from his store’s phone, how could he have forgotten about that one? He should have just turned his own phone off.

“I won’t chew you out anymore, for whatever you did. It’s true that the trust I have in you is shaken now, it’s true that you probably fucked up and even though you’re my friend, Yugyeom is my friend too, and for a longer time” – Jackson finally spoke, sitting down again next to Jinyoung – “But… I want to trust you. I want to, I just do, don’t ask me why. It’s just some sixth sense telling me that. I could be here complaining on how I’d actually like to know what happened, but that’s between you and Yugyeom” – he sighed – “We’re all human, we make mistakes. I’ve dated too, and I’ve said awful things to my exes” – he grimaced thinking of how stupid he was back then - “I’m not excusing you for this, but I know you’re being honest. I’m serious”

Jinyoung looked at Jackson with a baffled expression. Jackson wouldn’t probably be saying that if he knew it was all about a mission that could have costed Yugyeom’s life if something had gone wrong, although Jinyoung wouldn’t have let that happen, but even so, Jackson was being too understanding, considering how little he knew about it.

“Do I really deserve such a good friend like you?”

“Oh, don’t say that! Anyway, like I said before, it’s not up to me to give you a second chance. It’s up to Yugyeom!”

Jinyoung shook his head - “I don’t think I’ll be given a second chance”

“Well, that’s something you don’t know. But you can rest assured that I won’t let him know you’re here. As for now, focus on your dream. Don’t let opportunities slip through your fingers.” – he let Jinyoung nod before continuing – “By the way, when is the shooting for that series? You’ve sent me a message about being selected but I knew nothing more after that”

“Still far. Rehearsals were supposed to be this week, but they postponed everything”

“That sucks… Well, all I gotta tell you is just: go for it, give your best and distract yourself a bit. And, of course, you should also take a bit of your time to think about and contact who’s important to you”

Jinyoung nodded. He didn’t know what else to say besides he was sorry and grateful.

“Oh, for your information, for the next few days, I’ll be coming home late since I have dance practice with the crew and now I’m also working on music individually, so I’ll be busy. Don’t wait for me! I have enough food in the kitchen but if you need anything, don’t hesitate in ordering it. I’ll help you paying for it later”

“Thank you, Jackson, for real. And… I’m sorry” – Jinyoung apologized for the umpteenth time but Jackson cut him off.

“Cut it out! It’s fine! Now, I’m ordering some food, would you like fried chicken?”

“I’m not hungry at the moment”

“So be it. And you’ll eat it because I’ll stick those chicken drumsticks in your mouth if you refuse to touch them” – Jackson was caring for his well-being very genuinely and Jinyoung could only feel truly grateful to him for his words, for listening to him and for giving him a chance to fix his terrible mistakes. What had he ever done for Jackson? He couldn’t think of anything. He now regretted not having called him more often.

Jinyoung’s phone vibrated again.

“Oh, and Jinyoung? Just as I believe you want Yugyeom to give you a chance, I bet your father’s biggest wish is that you’d give him a chance too”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 _“The customer you are trying to reach isn't accepting calls at this time”_ – Jinyoung threw his phone aside in despair. It was the first time he tried to contact Yugyeom since the day of the incident – _it happened exactly 5 days before_ \- but, apparently, the younger had his phone turned off. Jinyoung’s eyes went back to looking at the TV, even though inattentively, as he brought back to mind the conversation he had with Minhyuk when they met the day after the incident, at night, when Jinyoung decided to tell him he was quitting working for the gang. That had been the only day he remembered having left Jackson’s house.

<“No…” – he exclaimed in an appalled tone – “What do you mean he’s friends with Jaebum hyung?!” – that was what he had been thinking for the past days, but his mind refused to consider it real. There were many Hyunwoos, right? That could have been just a coincidence – _but it wasn’t._

“Listen Jinyoung, he was classmates with Jaebum for 2 years or so, a long time ago, and they kept in contact even after that. When I first started counting on Jaebum to help me with the business, he brought Hyunwoo with him and a couple of other guys. I must admit it, I didn’t give the proper attention to it since I trusted Jaebum. My bad. Things turned chaotic in some of the cases in which this guy was involved, but the successful ones made up for all the failures. So, again, I didn’t mind much. But now that you found out all that information… Things changed” – he shook his head irritated – “I should have investigated Hyunwoo earlier. He isn’t trustworthy, at all. He’s dangerous. Oh, and I obviously didn’t tell Jaebum about what you found out” – the older man snorted and Jinyoung saw a hint of anger building up in his face – “He’d mess things up even more than before. Considering how well I know him, he’d go have a talk with him for sure” – he exhaled harshly.

“Then do you think Hyunwoo is involved with Andrew in trying to ruin your business?”

“That’s what I suspect. I still have people working on finding it out, therefore you don’t need to worry about this anymore. I perfectly understand that you want to quit and since I know you for a long time, I don’t see any problem with that. I’ll have my henchmen working on this. But just that you know what’s going on, today I’ve _discussed_ this matter with Jaebum” _–_ he highlighted the word “discussed” with such a face that Jinyoung felt shivers going down his spine. What kind of _discussion_ must they’ve had… He hoped that Jaebum hadn’t ended up brutally beaten – “After explaining how he basically screwed things up with that friend of his, I asked him to pretend they were still very close friends, BUT without unmasking himself. We still need them to get along with each other so I can catch him red-handed. Him and Andrew, of course. Then we would only have Andrew’s father left and everyone involved with him. Once we have the son, catching the father will be a piece of cake”

“It’s good that you’re making progress, Mr. Im, I’m really glad”

“I haven’t told you anything yet, though. This is just the beginning. Don’t you want to know what else Jaebum told me? He couldn’t even look me in my eyes…”

Jinyoung froze. What could have he told him?! He only imagined how scared the other must have been.

“It was Hyunwoo who gave what I’m completely sure to be _fake_ information to Jaebum about Kim Yugyeom being involved in S-Soohyun’s death” – the older man stuttered a bit, but was able to get hold of himself.

Fuck, fuck and fuck. - “W-what…?” - That couldn’t be true… How did things get to that point? Everything was too confusing.

“Exactly, Kim Yugyeom is no longer part of our list of suspects. Well, he wasn’t since you sent the report, but I guess Jaebum was almost messing up with that one too. I bet Hyunwoo is linked to the stealing of the drugs”

Jinyoung realized at that moment that he had an abominable headache which was gradually getting stronger. What had Jaebum and Yugyeom really _talked_ about on that day?!

“But wait a minute, Hyunwoo is part of the crew with Yugyeom, they’re friends, why would he…”

“Exactly. Why would he accuse him? Because he needs a scapegoat. Andrew and Hyunwoo are definitely involved in that drug robbery. And my people are going to prove it. I hope I’m wrong, but I think they’re up to something…” – Minhyuk held back – “Never mind, don’t think too much about this, Jinyoung. I know you don’t want this life anymore.”

“I’m really tired”

“I know that, and even if you hadn’t told me that, a little bird did” – his expression stiffened, and his voice sounded stricter now – “You should listen to the birds around you, they can usually give you good guidance throughout your life. But I guess it’s none of my business, right? Oh, just don’t forget, we have a confidentiality agreement. Don’t break it” – he finished in a harsh tone, by which Jinyoung wasn’t that much intimidated.

“I know Mr. Im, my lips are sealed”

“Very well. Also… things are changing in the gang. I was expecting you would quit, if not now, at least when things… happened”

“What do you mean?”

“I think we’ll be in war sooner than expected. There are too many people involved to just use intelligence against them. We must retaliate, there’s no other choice. I’m making sure we’re more than ready. And, of course, I’m eliminating any traces that you and your father may be helping us out”

Jinyoung was left speechless. Did that mean that there would be deaths?

Jaebum’s father cleared his throat – “It was a pleasure to have had you working with us, I wish you all the luck in the future”

Jinyoung nodded in shock. Minhyuk wasn’t going to say anything else, he was sure of it. However, Jinyoung himself probably didn’t want to know either. Things were getting dangerous.

“And Jinyoung”

“Yes?” – before leaving he turned back to look at his father’s old friend. A person he expected not to look at for a very long time.

“Stop being selfish and take your father’s calls. He’s damn worried about you”>

 

As he thought of how scared he was of all of what was happening and how he wished to tell Yugyeom everything, so he could be aware of his scumbag of a “ _friend’s” stratagem_ – _the younger would probably never give him a chance to be heard_ – loud sounds of doors slamming open and shut were heard coming from somewhere in the house. Then…

“JINYOUNG-AH!” – Jackson’s voice suddenly echoed throughout his big house until it reached the room where Jinyoung was staying.

For the past days Jinyoung didn’t move from that room, unless when he met with JB’s father and to go to the bathroom or kitchen. Other than that, he hadn’t set foot anywhere else, thinking about what he should do next and how. He had literally lived like a prisoner locked in the dungeons – _the only difference was he imprisoned himself_ _there_ \- but Jackson wasn’t supporting that lifestyle anymore. Even if he wasn’t home he knew Jinyoung had been all gloomy for too long.

The door slammed open and Jackson gets in in a hurry, drenching himself in cologne.

“We’re visiting Yugyeommie”

“We’re what?!” – Jinyoung sat up briskly looking horrified at Jackson.

“You heard me. You remember I told you he called Dongil last Monday telling he was sick and wasn’t coming to practice for a few days, right? We are going to check up on him since he hasn’t said anything, not even a single voice or text message, nothing.  He’s been completely unreachable since then!” – Jackson turned the TV off and stood by Jinyoung’s bed – “And you’re coming with me because I say so”

“I can’t go, you know that, especially with you! He’ll be mad at you, let it…”

“No! You’re coming. This is a definitive decision” – Jackson pulled Jinyoung by the wrist and drenched him too in cologne.

“What are you doing?! Ugh” – Jinyoung coughed at the strong fragrance of Jackson’s cologne – _it wasn’t his taste at all_ \- while his friend forced him out of the room - “Doesn’t it bother you that I smell like you?”

“Not at all” – Jackson replied, pushing Jinyoung downstairs – “I don’t know for how long you haven’t showered, you need this anyway”

“What do you mean?! I showered yesterday mor-…”

“It doesn’t matter, just get in the car”

“We haven’t reached the car yet! Calm down, stop running, we’re not late for anything!”

“Yes, we are! They must be preparing dinner or perhaps started eating already! Let’s go!”

“Jackson, don’t forget to set the alarm!” – Jinyoung reminded him as he was almost closing the door behind them.

“You really…” – Jackson puffed, as he hurried inside to turn the alarm on and came back outside – “Enough of excuses, let’s go now!”

~

 

A ring at the doorbell was enough for the door to be open shortly after showing a beautiful black-haired woman in her mid-50’s. She smiled widely instantly as her eyes laid on Jackson.

“Hello Jackson, how are you dear? Came to see Yugyeom?” – she slightly grimaced in concern – “He has been recovering well, and it looks like he’s getting a bit more cheerful now, thank God. After what he went through… It’s complicated, but he’ll be alright”

Jinyoung gulped with that remark and Jackson furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, ready to ask her what she meant by that, but as Yugyeom’s mother said that, her eyes moved in Jinyoung’s direction.

“And who’s this handsome young boy here?”

“Oh, my apologies! My name is Park Jinyoung, I am…” - what was he going to say? _“Oh, I am your son’s… Uh… ex… kinda?”_

Much to his relief, Jackson came to his aid - “He’s a _good_ friend of Yugyeom, a perfect gentleman!”

“Ooooh” – the lady in front of them exclaimed pleasantly surprised – “I’ve heard about you! It’s a pleasure to finally meet you!”

“It’s a what?!” – Jackson blurted out involuntarily and covered his mouth right after, looking with his eyes wide open at Jinyoung as if trying to grasp what was happening, but Jinyoung knew as much as him and returned him a similar expression.

“Yugyeom has mentioned him several times lately, he brought him once because this young man here drank a little bit too much, wasn’t it?” – she stuck her tongue out playfully, reminiscing her old days for a brief moment, but then her face turned serious – “Glad you didn’t break anything. I get really anxious when people break MY things” – her eyes moved judgmentally towards Jackson, who avoided her gaze ashamed – “Anyway, I didn’t have a chance to see you back then and since Yugyeom sometimes talks about you I was hoping that someday I would meet you! And here you are! I don’t even know where he finds such handsome friends!”

Jinyoung replied with a half-hearted smile, feeling the guilt coming over him once again. How could he react to the fact that Yugyeom mentioned him to his mother for several times? Knowing that made him feel awful.

“Mom?” – _that voice_. Jinyoung recognized it instantly – “Who is it?”

From behind the lady at the door, a tall figure arose showing a horrid bruised bump on his forehead. His lip seemed slightly better but it was still visible how badly it had been hurt. His light smile vanished and his eyes widened with great shock when he saw Jinyoung behind his mother staring at him wretchedly. When their eyes met, the older looked down, avoiding eye contact.

Jackson looked equally shocked at the condition of Yugyeom’s face.

“Your friends came to see you and I finally got to meet Jinyoung here”

Why again did he agree to come with Jackson? What a terrible idea.

“Gyeommie what happened?!” - Jackson entered the house abruptly, clumsily taking his sneakers off and trying to reach Yugyeom who had just turned his back on him as he saw Jackson going in his direction.

“What do you mean _what happened_?” – Yugyeom’s mother asked, blinking in confusion. Then she looked at her son worriedly – “You didn’t tell them?”

“He told us he was _sick_ ” – It was evident Jackson was upset but mostly because of his concern for his younger friend. Jinyoung remained quiet as he entered the house also removing his shoes. Seeing Yugyeom’s wounded face all over again struck him like a blow.

“ _Sick?!_ Someone tried to rob our vacation house!”

 _Robbed_. He really did lie awfully to his own mother… To what extent would he go to cover up for him and Jaebum? Jinyoung felt a slight sudden dizziness.

“You could have told us!!” – Jackson said, observing his wounds – “What did they steal? Did you report it to the police?”

“It was solely one guy, fortunately. He thought no one was at home and tried to open the door with some tools from the outside but encountered Yugyeom opening the door at that exact same moment. Then this happened. He left him in this state and ran way. Yugyeom can’t remember well his face, but we reported the case to the police and they even came to collect fingerprints, but it was of no use” – she looked at her son upset and then back to Jackson – “I was supposed to be there with him, if only he hadn’t lied to me… He told me he’d be there with friends - she sighed.

“I’m sorry again, mom. I’m-I’m going to the bathroom now” – Yugyeom said, turning his back and Jackson followed behind.

“I’m going with you”

“Jackson, please…” - But Jackson was already inside the bathroom waiting for him so they could talk.

“Come Jinyoung, I’m preparing dinner and there’s enough for more people! It’s just a matter of preparing two more bowls for you and Jackson!”

“Uh… it’s not necessary Mrs…”

“It’s absolutely necessary” – she interrupted him, pulling a chair for him to sit. Jinyoung felt awkward, as if he was a stranger at a house he shouldn’t be at. The more he thought of it the more he couldn’t look in Yugyeom’s mother’s eyes.

~

 

“Look at your face, man… Why didn’t you tell me what happened?! We’re friends, Yugyeom!” – Jackson protested as soon as the younger closed the door behind them.

“I’m sorry, hyung, I couldn’t. It has been a hell of a week”

Jackson exhaled deeply - “But you lied and said you were sick! Don’t do it next time! I hate it when you hide things from me. I’m your friend, I want you to trust me more!”

Yugyeom nodded, avoiding to look at Jackson in the eyes – “I’m sorry”

“When did it happen?”

“Saturday night” – Yugyeom knew by heart all the story he had made up, the story he had made up to protect Jinyoung, even though all he wanted was to forget about the whole thing – _Jinyoung included_ \- and move on with his life.

Jackson sighed, giving up on trying to know more about it. His friend needed mental rest.

“You can _always_ rely on me; do you hear me?” – he didn’t let the younger answer to his rhetorical question. Instead, he immediately thought about mentioning that one person. Perhaps they could talk about him – “Did you even tell Jinyoung that? He must be really worried ab…”

“I don’t know any Jinyoung” – Yugyeom turned his face avoiding his friend shocked stare. If Jinyoung had heard that his heart would have been instantly broken. Jackson himself felt hurt.

“I… what happened? I thought you two had a thing” – Yugyeom pierced Jackson with his eyes showing a mix of anger and affliction.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. And don’t bring strangers to my house anymore, please” – Yugyeom opened the bathroom’s door roughly fleeing through the hallway towards his room.

Yugyeom pretending not to know someone never happened before, much less did he ever left Jackson hanging. This could only mean one thing: Yugyeom was too hurt to even consider, at least for the moment, to forgive Jinyoung. He completely closed his heart to everyone around him.

~

 

Aside from Yugyeom’s father speaking loudly about a new producer he had been working with recently, the three boys remained awkwardly silent for most of the time – _even Jackson_.

“So, Jinyoung, you’re the one who aspires to be an actor, aren’t you?” – Yugyeom’s father drew his attention to Jinyoung when his newest project came up and how they were casting young people. Jackson choked on his food and coughed loudly, as he asked for someone to pass him the water. Jinyoung lost momentarily the appetite as he heard that question.

“Jackson son, be careful, eat slower! Anyway, Yugyeom has been constantly pressing to give him updates on the opportunities that may arise, therefore I guess this new project I’m working on may be a good chance for you”

Jinyoung nodded and thanked his help, promising to take a look at it later on.

“I actually still don’t know how you met Yugyeom, were you friends with Jackson before and then you got all connected or…”

“Mr. Kim what about we make a toast to your wonderful wife who brought us delicious food to this table?” – Jinyoung mentally thanked Jackson a thousand of times when he suddenly raised his glass for the toast. Jackson winked at him. Luckily, Yugyeom’s father wouldn’t bring that up again. Jinyoung peeked at Yugyeom for the umpteenth time on that evening, but the younger didn’t reciprocate the look. His eyes remained most of the time looking down, avoiding at all costs having to meet Jinyoung’s.

~

 

“It was very nice having you guys here” – Yugyeom’s mother accompanied Jackson and Jinyoung to the door halting midway for a second – “I apologize in Yugyeom’s behalf, I don’t know what’s wrong with him, he was just feeling better earlier. I really don’t understand why he was this quiet today”

“Don’t worry Ma’am! I’ll make sure to visit him often!” – Jackson promised placing his hands on her arms reassuringly – “I’ll try my best to cheer him up”.

“Thank you, Jackson, thank you so much to both of you for having come, I hope to see you soon! Have a safe drive back home!”

After saying goodbye to her, they headed towards Jackson’s car right in front of the house by the side of the road, when Jackson whispered - “He’s looking through the window”

Jinyoung’s eyes moved to the exact spot where Yugyeom was observing them from afar, but couldn’t figure out what kind of expression he had on his face as the younger suddenly turned his back to leave his sight. Jackson analyzed Jinyoung’s dejected face, him also upset about the whole situation.

“I still can’t believe this happened to him and he wouldn’t tell me… I’m absolutely coming again. I don’t know when I’ll have the time, but I will” – Jackson said resolutely, giving a last look at Yugyeom’s house, then looking back again at Jinyoung’s hopeless expression.

“I’m sorry that I brought you here against your will, but we had to try” – he signaled Jinyoung to get in the car.

“Jackson, I don’t think I should come again. It’s… not good for him, neither for me. Nor for anybody. He acted like that because I was there”

“You don’t have to. I’ll come by myself” – Jackson sighed, inserting the key into the ignition and turning his car on. However, he didn’t let go of the clutch.

_He couldn’t tell him. That Yugyeom pretended not to know him. What would even happen if he knew about it?_

“Jackson?”

“Everything’s gonna be alright” – Jackson mumbled to himself, finally letting go of the pedal, while Jinyoung stared at him pondering on the words he managed to hear, repeating them in his head over and over again. _Everything’s gonna be alright._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Several days later Jinyoung was, _finally,_ taking a look at the script for the rehearsals that would – _finally 2_ \- start on the following day – _thankfully he hadn’t skipped any other meeting with the staff_ \- when the door to his room was slammed open and Jackson got in wearing a serious and somewhat puzzled expression.

“Hm?!” – Jinyoung muttered, taken by surprise by the sudden entrance.

“You know how I’ve been going to Yugyeom’s house every single day and no one has answered the door, right?! Well, I was on my way to his house AGAIN” - Jinyoung’s eyes went back to his script, not paying attention to a single word in front of him, as he listened to the other’s words attentively – “When he sends me a message telling he went to his grandmother’s house with his mom. And that she lives like 5 hours away from here”

Jinyoung looked up again and Jackson perceived in his eyes how much hearing that had gut-wrenched him. However, something within him made him feel relieved. Yugyeom being far away meant he was staying far, far away from Hyunwoo’s sight. Whatever was his next move, whether he had one or not, Yugyeom had to stay away from him.

“He’ll be there for some days” – the deep breath Jackson took told Jinyoung how he resignedly accepted that perhaps it was for the best that Yugyeom stayed alone for some time – “I’m glad he told me something at least, but….” – Jackson’s eyes peered at Jinyoung’s face – “Have you tried to contact him again?”

“No…”

“You should try today. If nothing comes out of it, give him a month, then try to reach him again” – Jackson sat next to Jinyoung – “For now keep doing what you’ve been doing so far, you have a whole script to study. Most importantly, DON’T overthink it. It’s really good that you give a good thought about what you should do to fix things, but right now try to focus on what you have on hands. Wait for the right time”

Jinyoung nodded, mumbling a “I’ll try” sort of answer.

“Have you talked to your dad yet?”

“Not yet Jackson, I don’t think it’ll happen this early”

“Alright, I won’t press you then. Do it when you’re ready” – Jackson looked around the room before continuing with what he had in mind – “By the way, I also got a call from Mark. He’s throwing a _Farewell Summer_ party this Friday and I want you to come with me… OH! DON’T pull that face at me, I don’t think Yugyeom will show up anyway” – Jackson immediately reacted at the sudden grimace Jinyoung made – “This is a really big party Mark throws every year so there will be A BUNCH of new people you can meet and network with. You can’t miss this opportunity. Many dancers, singers, models and, guess what, actors are coming! Where more can you connect with new people in your professional area than at Mark’s yearly party?! Nowhere else!”

“You know my rehearsals start literally tomorrow, don’t you? I can’t-…”

“There you have another reason to come, get to know new people and talk about common interests. Seeing you moping around all the time stresses me out!”

All Jinyoung asked for was a little bit of peace of mind to focus on his script, but it seemed that wasn’t happening. But maybe Jackson was right, after all. He couldn’t skip the opportunity of networking with people that shared the same passion as him.

However, that involved having to face Hyunwoo for the whole time. Perhaps even Andrew! It was obvious that they’d be invited, as no one knew yet what they were up to, and that highly annoyed Jinyoung. With a little luck, Minhyuk would have already caught them by then.

“Fine” – he replied, rolling his eyes as he saw Jackson letting out a victorious whoop, leaving the room and closing the door behind him.

His eyes roamed through the papers in front of him, without really focusing on anything that was written. _“What if…” -_ Suddenly, his hand involuntarily reached for his phone and slowly scrolled through the contacts list until Yugyeom’s name came up. After a little hesitation, Jinyoung finally tapped on his name.

His heart skipped a beat as soon as he heard the first beep, indicating Yugyeom’s phone was turned on. He held his breath at the 3rd beep, while waiting for the younger to reject the call at any moment, as he thought it was just a matter of time until…

He heard nothing else. It seemed like Yugyeom had taken the call, but remained quiet. Jinyoung took a quick look at the screen and confirmed the call was ongoing. Reluctant, he desperately tried to say something, but nothing came up, therefore he kept annoyingly quiet for what seemed like an eternity.

“Yugyeom” – finally, Jinyoung’s voice left his lips in a sad but somehow relieved murmur. He heard a deep sigh on the other end of the line, followed by a last beep and then utter silence, signaling the end of the call. Yugyeom hung up the phone.

A few tears came easily to his eyes while he refused to put his phone down for some time. As he finally looked to the screen, the older decided to type something he should have long before gathered the courage to send.

“ _I’m sorry. I love you_ ” – Jinyoung tapped on the Send button straight off.

 _Give him a month._ Jackson’s words repeated themselves inside of his mind, but as much as he tried to believe he could actually be given a second chance, his hope had long gone.

Jinyoung didn’t expect Yugyeom to forgive him, much less that they would ever go back to what they were. Still, he was willing to try talking to him one last time and telling him what he now knew, which the younger absolutely had the right to know: the truth about Hyunwoo. Even if he was so sure he couldn’t have him back, nor have _his love_ back anymore, Jinyoung would never ever break the promise he made to himself long before: to protect Kim Yugyeom.

Lost in a whirlwind of thoughts, his attention – _or a tiny part of it_ \- went back to the script in front of him.

 

What Jinyoung was completely unaware of was that 5 hours away from Jackson’s house there was this someone walking down a beach mulling over his conflicting inner feelings. That this tall young man took the phone call so he could listen to the voice he desperately missed. Perhaps he wondered whether he should call him or not, but then regretting his decision almost instantly as he heard the velvet of Jinyoung’s voice, while bittersweet memories sprang to mind. It may be that he wasn’t ready after all. He wasn’t ready to forgive. Yet.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have much to say about this chapter... In my next update I'll include the last two. It will be - FINALLY (I can hear y'all screaming) - over :P


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